I've reached a new low, depression-wise. Yesterday found me in desperate need of socializing. I need to feel normal, and not like a fat freak show, and I hoped that socializing with friends at Pride would help with that. I don't think I'm ever going to be much smaller than I am now, and this is my body. I'm tired of feeling like a criminal just for ( Read more... )

Last night I went out with one of my best friends to celebrate her birthday. The band, The Barking Sharks, and the venue, were quite fantastic. Seedy little bar, but a place I will definitely return to in the future. The plan was to dance, enjoy some live blues, get smashed and help her ring in another year. I never go out dancing, so I was quite ( Read more... )

I can't help but feel the artist has already lost interest in me. Well, not that he ever had alot of interest to begin with. I can think of few people so self-absorbed who've managed to keep MY interest for so long. But I like him and the feeling is not appearing mutual in any sense. But then again, I am often quick to assume the worst ( Read more... )

Heh. A guy responded to an honest inquiry of mine about why he stopped talking to me. It was partly due to the self-loathing on my blog. Don't people understand that a blog can be used as an outlet to work out issues in one's head? I'd say given my looks, and society's standards, that I have ANY self-esteem is pretty impressive. Oh well... he ( Read more... )

( Pretty Observer On Jealousy )

I thought the non-monogamy, open and free love thing was securely under my belt. A guy I like, who I've hooked up with a few times, was openly hitting on my friend, in front of me. And that didn't really bother me, as it's pretty obvious he likes her. What bothered me was that I wasn't getting any attention. I had expectations of what would happen ( Read more... )

I ran into the neighbor. And I did it. I asked him out for coffee, sure, positive he wanted me to, that he would say yes, that he would smile nervously and ask when... but no. He didn't even hesitate ( Read more... )