Aug 03, 2006 01:02
i feel like a small part of death crawled into my lungs and is resting there.
partly because of the massive amounts of dust that accumulated in my lungs from the pits at warped tour today,
and part because im realizing how bad i fucked up with stokes.
fuckin..he didn't deserve that. i had no right to do that.
we went swimming after warped and i tried to explain, and he said he forgives me and does'nt want me to beat myself up about it, and i just started bawling. i realiZed again how friggin...much of a part of my life that kid is, and how much i really depend on him. and to have him gone would ruin me. the thought of me being just his friend hurts. he won't kiss me anymore. and i don't blame him.
i feel terrible. and im fucking leaving friday. i don't ..i don't know what to think. i asked him to tell me what he was thinking...to say fuckin anything...and he said he didn't know what to say and that i shoulda told him that a couple days ago..
goddamnit.
what have i done?