theatrical_muse #194 - Questions of Existence
"The true magic of this broken world lay in the ability of the things it contained to vanish, to become so thoroughly lost, that they might never have existed in the first place." The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon.
It's been four years now since Lauren lost her best friend. Four years since her entire world got swallowed by the same darkness that took the life that Hallie was just really beginning to live. Some days, it seems so much longer than that. Others, it's as if no time has passed at all. The wounds go from fresh to scars and back again faster than she can comprehend or keep track of. A frenetic game her mind plays on her, alternately shielding her when she just can't take anymore and then flooding her when just when she has any amount of grace.
Time changes the shape of things. It breaks them down and blurs their lines just so it can pour them in to new molds. Everything in life, whether solid or porous, is completely malleable. Nothing looks the same as it did the first or even the last time you saw it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder in that the longer you are away from something, the more its memory softens. There's so much room for you to thicken or darken the lines according to your own preference. People often remember things the way they had wanted them to be, and make real an existence that never was. In our enemies, we only highlight the worst. They become evil caricatures of the people they really are, and we don't remember what was good about them. Those parts are drawn over with the kohl-like pencils of our selective memories. Much the way the good is all that remains when it's someone we love. Someone is not perfect by any measure, but is still remembered that way despite flaws.
There is no pencil, no paintbrush, no crayon, that can shape a picture equally and without preference. Things are what we wanted them to be.
Lately, she's been feeling like even though those thickly redrawn lines are fading. Sometimes she tries to pull a memory deep from the reserve that lay stored and hidden in various places within her, but of all the parts that surface, she can't seem to remember Hallie's face. She pulls out pictures to remind herself, panicking, wondering how she could ever forget. So much of life is burned into her memory in such a way that she can't forget, even if she wants to. But then the things she tries to hold on to all slip away and refuse to hold.
Things just keep moving on, and she starts to wonder if some day, she will just forget completely. Hallie's face will become a blur of sympathetic and familiar lines that have no shape, her voice will be just a whisper that echoes somewhere deeper that she just can't seem to reach, and her best friend will be just a face in a picture. A memory so distant, it seems like it came from another life.
But Lauren's greatest fear, even more than forgetting Hallie, is that the same thing will happen with her mom.
Lauren Santini
Original Character
498 Words
It's been four years now since Lauren lost her best friend. Four years since her entire world got swallowed by the same darkness that took the life that Hallie was just really beginning to live. Some days, it seems so much longer than that. Others, it's as if no time has passed at all. The wounds go from fresh to scars and back again faster than she can comprehend or keep track of. A frenetic game her mind plays on her, alternately shielding her when she just can't take anymore and then flooding her when just when she has any amount of grace.
Time changes the shape of things. It breaks them down and blurs their lines just so it can pour them in to new molds. Everything in life, whether solid or porous, is completely malleable. Nothing looks the same as it did the first or even the last time you saw it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder in that the longer you are away from something, the more its memory softens. There's so much room for you to thicken or darken the lines according to your own preference. People often remember things the way they had wanted them to be, and make real an existence that never was. In our enemies, we only highlight the worst. They become evil caricatures of the people they really are, and we don't remember what was good about them. Those parts are drawn over with the kohl-like pencils of our selective memories. Much the way the good is all that remains when it's someone we love. Someone is not perfect by any measure, but is still remembered that way despite flaws.
There is no pencil, no paintbrush, no crayon, that can shape a picture equally and without preference. Things are what we wanted them to be.
Lately, she's been feeling like even though those thickly redrawn lines are fading. Sometimes she tries to pull a memory deep from the reserve that lay stored and hidden in various places within her, but of all the parts that surface, she can't seem to remember Hallie's face. She pulls out pictures to remind herself, panicking, wondering how she could ever forget. So much of life is burned into her memory in such a way that she can't forget, even if she wants to. But then the things she tries to hold on to all slip away and refuse to hold.
Things just keep moving on, and she starts to wonder if some day, she will just forget completely. Hallie's face will become a blur of sympathetic and familiar lines that have no shape, her voice will be just a whisper that echoes somewhere deeper that she just can't seem to reach, and her best friend will be just a face in a picture. A memory so distant, it seems like it came from another life.
But Lauren's greatest fear, even more than forgetting Hallie, is that the same thing will happen with her mom.
Lauren Santini
Original Character
498 Words