死也不能放你走 (can't let you go)
kaixing ; romance + angst ; pg
~ wc : 1,500
a/n: part of my 'heartbreakers' verse. this is the Fifth of the verse. in chronological order : First, Second, Third, Fourth.
+ this verse is not completed yet. far from it welp ;;; anyways, the order will get shuffled as it's being expanded. just a note for my readers. (lol whut readers?)
死也不能放你走 (can't let you go)
Jongin finds himself thinking of ways to tell Luhan that they - Jongin and Luhan - are over. The ultimate truth is that they had never really started in the first place, that Luhan was merely just a distraction - a conveniently placed distraction for him.
But Jongin isn’t so heartless; at least that’s what he tells himself, so he won’t tell Luhan that. Because the fact is, Jongin truly and sincerely likes the older boy, he really does. Luhan is a very likeable person, extremely charming, and well, a really nice guy overall.
Jongin likes him, but he doesn’t love him, not really anyway - he just cannot bring himself to. However wonderful Luhan might be, he’s not him. He’s not his best friend, he’s not Yixing.
And Yixing is the only person he’ll ever love, the only person who completes him.
Still, there’s an attraction and appreciation, a respect, which he has for Luhan. And that is exactly why Jongin is so adamant that the older boy gets let down as softly as possible. The sudden slap in the face will still sting regardless, but if Jongin can in any ways at all help soften the blow, he’ll do it.
He strongly believes that it’s the least he can do for someone whom he has been lying to for the past seven months, someone who truly..appreciates him for who he is.
That’s the thing about Jongin. He flat out refuses to acknowledge the fact that somebody else other than his beloved Yixing, could love him.
Because to him, he belongs to Yixing and Yixing belongs to him. Just the two of them.
No one else is allowed.
Just like how in his ideal world, there’s only place for Yixing and Jongin. YixingandJongin.
(But Jongin forgets that just because he thinks that something will not happen - that something isn’t allowed to happen, it does not mean it won’t happen.
Luhan is going to get his heart broken, and the heartbreaker - Jongin - wouldn’t even know that he - Luhan - had loved him.)
It isn’t Luhan’s fault for not being Yixing. And that is why he should be let down gently.
Jongin decides that he isn’t at fault for not being able to give his heart to the older boy.
(But he is - Jongin’s at fault for feeding Luhan lies, for whispering words of empty promises into his ears. For dragging Luhan along in this game of betrayal and backstabbing.)
*
Jongin doesn’t care. He’ll do anything for Yixing to belong to him unconditionally, him and only him.
He’d even trade his soul to the devil if that’s what it takes.
(He forgets though - he forgets that it takes two hands to clap.)
*
Yixing finds himself tearing his brain apart in search for an answer, a solution which will allow him to keep both Sehun and Jongin by his side.
He’s still at a big fat nothing - a dead end.
He feels as if he’s pulled in a thousand different directions, confused - so so confused - and not knowing what to do, which way to go.
What’s the right thing to do.
(Is there even such a thing? Can there really be something right in this twisted situation he’s in?)
Yixing loves Sehun.
Sehun is a wonderful person, and Yixing - Yixing is extremely fond of him. Sehun’s a boy who needs pampering and affection, and Yixing enjoys showering him all the attention and love he craves and needs. Yixing likes making Sehun smile, likes making the boy laugh. Yixing likes seeing the silver-haired boy happy. Yixing likes having his fingers intertwined with Sehun’s, he likes the feeling of Sehun’s lanky arms wrapping securely around him. Yixing likes the way Sehun kisses him, always shy and hesitant in the beginning - as if he cannot believe that Yixing’s actually his boyfriend.
Yixing likes the way they make love. The way they take it slow and gentle, always overflowing with soft yet heated passion, the undeniable adoration and unwavering affection. The push and pull of their naked bodies, their sweat-slicked skin rubbing together and creating spine-tingling friction. Fingers in dishevelled and matted hair, flushed cheeks, quiet moans. Hearts beating as one, to the same beat and tempo, whispered litanies of i love yous falling from smiling lips.
And above all, Yixing really likes it when Sehun introduces him as his, as Sehun’s Yixing.
Yixing loves Sehun. There’s no question about it.
~
Then there’s Jongin.
Stubborn and hot-headed Jongin. Contradicting and complicated Jongin whom he has known for all his life. Jongin who understands him like no one else, Jongin who reads him like nobody can.
Jongin who envelopes his hands with larger warm ones, Jongin who wraps his toned muscular arms around him in tight embraces.
Jongin who kisses him hard enough to bruise, hot and heated, ferocious and fiery as he pulls Yixing flush against him, rubbing their clothed or bare erections together. Relentless as he sucks on the older boy’s tongue, as he bites on the latter’s lips.
Jongin who pounds into him, making him scream out in pleasure-pain, Jongin who makes him gasp aloud at the burning and scorching touches he presses into pale skin.
Jongin, whose erratic heartbeats do not match Yixing’s own but creates a melody when the two come together.
Jongin who makes Yixing’s insides churn with just a single look.
Yixing loves Jongin too.
*
Yixing is royally fucked.
Yixing is widely known as an angel. A sweet smiling angel.
But angels don’t shatter hearts or live a life of deceit, do they?
*
A glance to the left, the widening of a smile, an uncontrollable swell of the heart
“Yixing?”
“Yes love?”
Jongin reaches out a hand and gently caresses the side of Yixing’s face. “You’re so beautiful,” he says softly - reverently. “I love you.”
A leap of the heart, a gleam of the eyes, and a gentle touch on the wrist as Yixing brings Jongin’s hand to his lips.
A lingering kiss on the palm, a whisper that shoots through the soul, “I love you too.”
Jongin breathes out a soft contented sigh and looks at the older boy with affectionate eyes. “When we get off this plane, stay by my side. Don’t let go of my hand, never let go. Will you do that for me?”
A flash of hesitation crosses Yixing’s features. Jongin’s heart stutters in his chest.
“You’re leaving him right? You are coming with me? Yixing please - ” Jongin says urgently when the elder stays silent. “I can’t lose you. Not now, never again.”
Yixing looks at him with sad eyes. “I love Sehun as well,” he whispers, “I can’t just leave him. I - I don’t want to break him.”
Blood running cold, Jongin lets out a derisive snort to hide the immense pain and hurt he feels. “But you’re okay with breaking me? It’s okay if I’m the one being broken?” He narrows his eyes. “Is that it, hyung? As long as Sehun is safe, it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m being shattered and torn apart?”
Yixing stares at him in disbelief. “How can you say that? Don’t you know me at all? Don’t you know that it kills me too when I see you in pain? Jongin - ”
“Honestly Yixing, I don’t. I don’t know what to believe anymore. You - you say you love me, and then the next minute you go and tell me you don’t want to leave Sehun. I’m just so confused now. I - I’ll never ever leave you, but you can’t keep doing to this to me, you have to stop playing with my heart. I’m breakable too, Yixing.”
Jongin hastily looks away, back of his hand roughly brushing away the tears at the rims of his anguished dark eyes that threaten to spill.
Yixing’s chest constricts painfully upon seeing the younger boy’s tears.
He takes in a deep breath and says carefully, “Give me more time, I’ll find a way to work things out. I won’t leave you, Jongin, I promise. I know I don’t have the right to ask you of this, but please believe me.”
Jongin visibly stills for a moment before slowly turning around to look at Yixing with glassy orbs. The latter holds his breath, heart thundering in his ears.
“I can trust you, right?” the younger asks hesitantly, hopefully,
A smile spreads across the elder’s face.
He leans forward to press their lips together. “I love you.”
*
But when he sees Yixing speed-walking towards Sehun, when he feels the elder’s hand leave his, when he sees the matching smiles on their faces, when he sees Sehun press a kiss to Yixing’s forehead, and Yixing leaning into Sehun,
Jongin isn’t so sure anymore.
*
~ wc : 1,500
a/n: part of my 'heartbreakers' verse. this is the Fifth of the verse. in chronological order : First, Second, Third, Fourth.
+ this verse is not completed yet. far from it welp ;;; anyways, the order will get shuffled as it's being expanded. just a note for my readers. (lol whut readers?)
死也不能放你走 (can't let you go)
Jongin finds himself thinking of ways to tell Luhan that they - Jongin and Luhan - are over. The ultimate truth is that they had never really started in the first place, that Luhan was merely just a distraction - a conveniently placed distraction for him.
But Jongin isn’t so heartless; at least that’s what he tells himself, so he won’t tell Luhan that. Because the fact is, Jongin truly and sincerely likes the older boy, he really does. Luhan is a very likeable person, extremely charming, and well, a really nice guy overall.
Jongin likes him, but he doesn’t love him, not really anyway - he just cannot bring himself to. However wonderful Luhan might be, he’s not him. He’s not his best friend, he’s not Yixing.
And Yixing is the only person he’ll ever love, the only person who completes him.
Still, there’s an attraction and appreciation, a respect, which he has for Luhan. And that is exactly why Jongin is so adamant that the older boy gets let down as softly as possible. The sudden slap in the face will still sting regardless, but if Jongin can in any ways at all help soften the blow, he’ll do it.
He strongly believes that it’s the least he can do for someone whom he has been lying to for the past seven months, someone who truly..appreciates him for who he is.
That’s the thing about Jongin. He flat out refuses to acknowledge the fact that somebody else other than his beloved Yixing, could love him.
Because to him, he belongs to Yixing and Yixing belongs to him. Just the two of them.
No one else is allowed.
Just like how in his ideal world, there’s only place for Yixing and Jongin. YixingandJongin.
(But Jongin forgets that just because he thinks that something will not happen - that something isn’t allowed to happen, it does not mean it won’t happen.
Luhan is going to get his heart broken, and the heartbreaker - Jongin - wouldn’t even know that he - Luhan - had loved him.)
It isn’t Luhan’s fault for not being Yixing. And that is why he should be let down gently.
Jongin decides that he isn’t at fault for not being able to give his heart to the older boy.
(But he is - Jongin’s at fault for feeding Luhan lies, for whispering words of empty promises into his ears. For dragging Luhan along in this game of betrayal and backstabbing.)
*
Jongin doesn’t care. He’ll do anything for Yixing to belong to him unconditionally, him and only him.
He’d even trade his soul to the devil if that’s what it takes.
(He forgets though - he forgets that it takes two hands to clap.)
*
Yixing finds himself tearing his brain apart in search for an answer, a solution which will allow him to keep both Sehun and Jongin by his side.
He’s still at a big fat nothing - a dead end.
He feels as if he’s pulled in a thousand different directions, confused - so so confused - and not knowing what to do, which way to go.
What’s the right thing to do.
(Is there even such a thing? Can there really be something right in this twisted situation he’s in?)
Yixing loves Sehun.
Sehun is a wonderful person, and Yixing - Yixing is extremely fond of him. Sehun’s a boy who needs pampering and affection, and Yixing enjoys showering him all the attention and love he craves and needs. Yixing likes making Sehun smile, likes making the boy laugh. Yixing likes seeing the silver-haired boy happy. Yixing likes having his fingers intertwined with Sehun’s, he likes the feeling of Sehun’s lanky arms wrapping securely around him. Yixing likes the way Sehun kisses him, always shy and hesitant in the beginning - as if he cannot believe that Yixing’s actually his boyfriend.
Yixing likes the way they make love. The way they take it slow and gentle, always overflowing with soft yet heated passion, the undeniable adoration and unwavering affection. The push and pull of their naked bodies, their sweat-slicked skin rubbing together and creating spine-tingling friction. Fingers in dishevelled and matted hair, flushed cheeks, quiet moans. Hearts beating as one, to the same beat and tempo, whispered litanies of i love yous falling from smiling lips.
And above all, Yixing really likes it when Sehun introduces him as his, as Sehun’s Yixing.
Yixing loves Sehun. There’s no question about it.
~
Then there’s Jongin.
Stubborn and hot-headed Jongin. Contradicting and complicated Jongin whom he has known for all his life. Jongin who understands him like no one else, Jongin who reads him like nobody can.
Jongin who envelopes his hands with larger warm ones, Jongin who wraps his toned muscular arms around him in tight embraces.
Jongin who kisses him hard enough to bruise, hot and heated, ferocious and fiery as he pulls Yixing flush against him, rubbing their clothed or bare erections together. Relentless as he sucks on the older boy’s tongue, as he bites on the latter’s lips.
Jongin who pounds into him, making him scream out in pleasure-pain, Jongin who makes him gasp aloud at the burning and scorching touches he presses into pale skin.
Jongin, whose erratic heartbeats do not match Yixing’s own but creates a melody when the two come together.
Jongin who makes Yixing’s insides churn with just a single look.
Yixing loves Jongin too.
*
Yixing is royally fucked.
Yixing is widely known as an angel. A sweet smiling angel.
But angels don’t shatter hearts or live a life of deceit, do they?
*
A glance to the left, the widening of a smile, an uncontrollable swell of the heart
“Yixing?”
“Yes love?”
Jongin reaches out a hand and gently caresses the side of Yixing’s face. “You’re so beautiful,” he says softly - reverently. “I love you.”
A leap of the heart, a gleam of the eyes, and a gentle touch on the wrist as Yixing brings Jongin’s hand to his lips.
A lingering kiss on the palm, a whisper that shoots through the soul, “I love you too.”
Jongin breathes out a soft contented sigh and looks at the older boy with affectionate eyes. “When we get off this plane, stay by my side. Don’t let go of my hand, never let go. Will you do that for me?”
A flash of hesitation crosses Yixing’s features. Jongin’s heart stutters in his chest.
“You’re leaving him right? You are coming with me? Yixing please - ” Jongin says urgently when the elder stays silent. “I can’t lose you. Not now, never again.”
Yixing looks at him with sad eyes. “I love Sehun as well,” he whispers, “I can’t just leave him. I - I don’t want to break him.”
Blood running cold, Jongin lets out a derisive snort to hide the immense pain and hurt he feels. “But you’re okay with breaking me? It’s okay if I’m the one being broken?” He narrows his eyes. “Is that it, hyung? As long as Sehun is safe, it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m being shattered and torn apart?”
Yixing stares at him in disbelief. “How can you say that? Don’t you know me at all? Don’t you know that it kills me too when I see you in pain? Jongin - ”
“Honestly Yixing, I don’t. I don’t know what to believe anymore. You - you say you love me, and then the next minute you go and tell me you don’t want to leave Sehun. I’m just so confused now. I - I’ll never ever leave you, but you can’t keep doing to this to me, you have to stop playing with my heart. I’m breakable too, Yixing.”
Jongin hastily looks away, back of his hand roughly brushing away the tears at the rims of his anguished dark eyes that threaten to spill.
Yixing’s chest constricts painfully upon seeing the younger boy’s tears.
He takes in a deep breath and says carefully, “Give me more time, I’ll find a way to work things out. I won’t leave you, Jongin, I promise. I know I don’t have the right to ask you of this, but please believe me.”
Jongin visibly stills for a moment before slowly turning around to look at Yixing with glassy orbs. The latter holds his breath, heart thundering in his ears.
“I can trust you, right?” the younger asks hesitantly, hopefully,
A smile spreads across the elder’s face.
He leans forward to press their lips together. “I love you.”
*
But when he sees Yixing speed-walking towards Sehun, when he feels the elder’s hand leave his, when he sees the matching smiles on their faces, when he sees Sehun press a kiss to Yixing’s forehead, and Yixing leaning into Sehun,
Jongin isn’t so sure anymore.
*