i still can't find the right words, so this'll have to do.
Britney called me this morning at like 9am singing "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba. It was on AOL Radio and she hadn't slept yet so she felt the need to wake me up too. After the initial response of me mumbling incoherantly, we started to talk about a lot of things. She's going through a hard time right now and I know my life isn't going to be the easiest coming up either.
She's someone I've always admired because she has the "put your best face forward" attitude no matter how hurt she is or how mean people are being. It's admirable and I wish I could pull it off. Instead I usually act like I don't give a fuck and harbor the emotions that are actually inside of me. I didn't fall asleep until about 10am and I just woke up a little while ago. A lot was on my mind and everytime I closed my eyes to fall asleep, Chumbawumba popped into my head. Thanks, Brit.
I don't know what to say here. There are a lot of things that want to be said, but I don't know how. I know you must feel so betrayed and you partly have that right. I apologize for getting feelings for someone because I know that's so easy to control. I apologize for constantly pushing it to him that I didn't want you mad at me so I wouldn't lose you. I apologize for saying I didn't want him over the house because that's even more fucked up and I was going to give you the respect you deserve. I'm sorry for letting things get out of my hands so quickly. I'm sorry for the fact that right now you hate me and want to "spew", because I love you. I'm sorry that something like this is going to come between a friendship we've had for years. I'm sorry for being half the cause of it.
I'm sorry for a lot but one thing I am not sorry for is going for something that makes me happy, no matter what consequences. Everyone has to turn around and do them for once and it sucks that this is how I had to do me. But, you know, nothing might come from this and I'll lose out on two great people in my life. Everything happens for a reason though, so I guess I'll just sit tight and enjoy the ride. If you need to continue bashing me to people, do it. I'll just make sure not to pay attention.
She's someone I've always admired because she has the "put your best face forward" attitude no matter how hurt she is or how mean people are being. It's admirable and I wish I could pull it off. Instead I usually act like I don't give a fuck and harbor the emotions that are actually inside of me. I didn't fall asleep until about 10am and I just woke up a little while ago. A lot was on my mind and everytime I closed my eyes to fall asleep, Chumbawumba popped into my head. Thanks, Brit.
I don't know what to say here. There are a lot of things that want to be said, but I don't know how. I know you must feel so betrayed and you partly have that right. I apologize for getting feelings for someone because I know that's so easy to control. I apologize for constantly pushing it to him that I didn't want you mad at me so I wouldn't lose you. I apologize for saying I didn't want him over the house because that's even more fucked up and I was going to give you the respect you deserve. I'm sorry for letting things get out of my hands so quickly. I'm sorry for the fact that right now you hate me and want to "spew", because I love you. I'm sorry that something like this is going to come between a friendship we've had for years. I'm sorry for being half the cause of it.
I'm sorry for a lot but one thing I am not sorry for is going for something that makes me happy, no matter what consequences. Everyone has to turn around and do them for once and it sucks that this is how I had to do me. But, you know, nothing might come from this and I'll lose out on two great people in my life. Everything happens for a reason though, so I guess I'll just sit tight and enjoy the ride. If you need to continue bashing me to people, do it. I'll just make sure not to pay attention.