fic: the upside of honesty (hint: there is none)
Title: The Upside of Honesty (Hint: There is None)
Rating: PG
Pairing: None! Changmin/Heechul??
Notes: I can't believe I wrote this idk. Characterization probably so off it's on Mars.
Summary: They decide on two rules in light of Changmin’s new situation. One, Changmin was no longer allowed the microphone anymore during fanmeetings and two, he was no longer allowed to talk to any authority figure or basically anyone who could potentially end their career, cut their paycheck, increase their hours, arrest them, etc. without another DBSK member around to do possible damage control.
“How do I look?” Jaejoong asks. He even gives a fake twirl, smacking Junsu in the face with his beaded scarf. He asks this every morning, a habit that began out of self-consciousness (or maybe just vanity) and continues as a joke (or maybe just vanity).
“Fine,” Yoochun replies without even looking, ignoring the cries of “my face! My eye! Jaejoong, you suck,” from Junsu.
“Like you always do,” Yunho says distractedly, scanning over their schedule.
“Terrible,” Changmin pipes up. “Like shit. I don’t pretend to be fashion-forward like you, hyung, but your scarf is hideous and I would shoot you for daring to wear those boots in public if I owned a gun.” He pauses but as if some cosmic force is prompting him to talk, he continues - “Also, your shirt is too tight, stop taking Yoochun-hyung’s things.”
There is a brief moment where Yoochun and Junsu both turn to look at Changmin and Yunho even puts down their schedule. Changmin actually looks really horrified with himself. Jaejoong gapes in wordless dismay, pointing at Changmin and sputtering.
It’s Yunho who breaks the moment of silence (or in Junsu’s case - wheezy and uncontrollable laughter). “Well,” he says, casual as the wind. “Anyway. Sit down and eat, Jae. We’re not eating until like, two later.”
Yoochun pours himself a cup of coffee and grumbles, “Why do our schedules always involve us waking up at like, five in the morning?”
“It’s nine,” Junsu points out.
“Hey,” Jaejoong says, stopping the hum of conversation again. “Hey! What the hell, guys! Yunho-yah, didn’t you hear what Changmin said to me? Are you just going to let him get away with that?”
Yunho blinks at Jaejoong blankly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says, and pats Changmin’s head absentmindedly.
Realizing he’s not going to be getting any consolation from Yunho, Jaejoong turns to Junsu and Yoochun, waving his arms indignantly. “Yoochun, Junsu! Do you really think that that’s - ” here he points at Changmin, who looks slightly affronted now that the worst hasn’t happened yet, “acceptable?! I mean, I just - I don’t - guys!” His voice, which had rose to a high-pitched whine by the end of the tirade, breaks off at Yoochun and Junsu’s sniggering.
“Sorry, hyung.” Junsu at least has the courtesy to apologize, but then his grin grows even wider. “Sorry the truth hurts.”
Jaejoong throws himself down into the chair next to Changmin, smacking him on the arm. “I hate you,” he says glumly. “I hate you so much.”
“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Changmin replies smugly and automatically, kicking Jaejoong and consequently, scruffing his boots.
Jaejoong looks down at the boots he will now have to change and bangs his head on the table.
“What’s wrong with you?” Yunho asks, eyebrow raised.
“I hate my life,” Jaejoong moans morosely. “No one respects me.”
Yunho opens his mouth, about to say something comforting and nonsensical, but Changmin beats him to the punch.
“No one cares, hyung,” he points out. “Now eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.”
“Oh snap,” Junsu says admiringly, leaning across the table for a high five. “You’re vicious today, Changmin.”
While Yoochun and Junsu give Changmin awed high-fives and fist bumps and Changmin modestly accepts their praise, Jaejoong slides his chair over to Yunho and hisses, “Where did we go wrong in raising him, Yunho-yah?”
“Don’t know. Probably your fault, though.” Yunho shrugs nonchalantly but Jaejoong sees the smile that twitches at the corner of his mouth.
Jaejoong makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and stomps to his bedroom. “I hope you’re all happy with yourselves,” he shoots back dramatically over his shoulder. “I’m changing.”
The door slams just as Changmin shouts, “We’re doing you the favor, hyung!”
-
Basically, what happens is that Changmin loses whatever sense of tact he ever had.
“So, like, his mind-to-mouth portal is broken?” Junsu asks, amused.
“Oh shut up, everyone knows your mind-to-mouth portal was broken a long time ago,” Changmin snaps before he can help himself, and then immediately clamps a hand over his mouth.
“Wow Changmin-ah, don’t hold yourself back because of us,” Yoochun drawls. “Just let it all out, why don’t you.”
Changmin flips him off. “Fuck you,” he snarls.
As it turns out, what happened to Jaejoong wasn’t that funny once each of them was subject to Changmin’s tongue.
They decide on two rules in light of Changmin’s new situation. One, Changmin was no longer allowed the microphone anymore during fanmeetings and two, he was no longer allowed to talk to any authority figure or basically anyone who could potentially end their career, cut their paycheck, increase their hours, arrest them, etc. without another DBSK member around to do possible damage control.
They even have a minor argument about whether or not Changmin should be allowed to talk to anyone else in general for fear of scarring the rest of the human population, but Changmin puts an end to that.
“It’s not like I’m going to sell your secrets or something, guys.” He pauses. “Besides, I’m pretty sure no one wants to know about Yunho-hyung’s knitting or Yoochun-hyung’s Winnie-the-Pooh security blanket.”
“…Maybe we should just lock him in the closet until he’s fixed,” Yunho suggests to Yoochun seriously over Junsu and Jaejoong’s hysterical laughter.
“Or gag him with Jaejoong’s dirty underwear,” Yoochun replies, just as seriously.
-
“Which genius decided it would be a good idea to let us share a dressing room with Super Junior?” Changmin mutters under his breath, wincing as Donghae wedges himself into the little space between him and Jaejoong on the couch meant for three.
“No idea, but I’m going to find out who it was and then kill him after this,” Heechul replies from his other side, stopping his conversation with Yunho, who is perched very precariously on the couch arm.
“Sure you could do that, hyung? Wouldn’t you be too worried about breaking a nail or something?” Changmin can’t help looking at Heechul’s well-manicured hands pointedly, all the while thinking - shit, I’m going to die.
Heechul just looks at Changmin at this and Changmin screws up his eyes because if he’s going to meet his untimely demise, he doesn’t want the last thing he sees to be Heechul’s face and -
“Um,” Yunho says, and Changmin realizes with a sense of impending painful doom that, yes, he did just say all that out loud. Yunho raises a hand to restrain Heechul just in case things get violent and Changmin tries to inch as far away from Heechul as possible.
To both his and Yunho’s surprise, Heechul actually laughs - in fact he falls into Yunho’s lap laughing, his thin shoulders shaking with the magnitude of his near-hysteria.
“Er,” Yunho says, and brings his hand down awkwardly to pat Heechul’s back. “Are you okay, hyung? Er, I’m sorry about Changmin there, he uh, he has this condition - ”
“What,” Heechul replies scathingly, brushing off Yunho’s hand. “He has balls, unlike the rest of you?” He jerks his head at Jaejoong, who is certainly looking even more ethereal and androgynous than usual, chewing on his shiny sleeve and very seriously discussing eyeliner colors with Donghae.
“Oh shut up,” Changmin says, all apologies and formalities forgotten. “He’s talking to your bandmate.”
“Yeah,” Heechul says, grinning. “But I already knew Donghae was a lost cause.”
“…And yet you still had hopes for Jaejoong-hyung?”
“Touché.” Heechul’s slightly manic grin grows even wider, and he throws an arm around Changmin. “I like him!” He proclaims delightedly. “Why have you been hiding him all this time, Yunho?”
“Too scared I’ll upstage him and take his fans,” is Changmin’s dry reply from underneath Heechul’s arm, and Yunho sputters.
“Excuse me - that’s not true, Changmin-ah - hyung, you can’t just - what are you two doing?” He cries despondently as Heechul and Changmin start talking in a tone too low for Yunho to hear.
“We’re bonding,” Heechul sniffs. “Now go away and discuss the merits of Night Life Blue and Black Pearl with Donghae and Jaejoong or something.”
“Personally, I think you’re more of a Forest Green myself, hyung,” Changmin says with a straight face and Heechul bursts out laughing, curling around Changmin.
“God, why can’t my bandmates be like you,” Heechul says, looking at Changmin affectionately. He turns to Yunho. “Can I keep him? How about this - I’ll trade you Donghae for him.”
“Er,” Yunho says.
“I’m pretty sure I’m worth more than just Donghae,” Changmin declares, nose wrinkled.
“You’re right,” Heechul agrees. “You’re taller and a better singer. I’ll throw in Yesung too, he’s basically useless.”
“Er,” Yunho says again, torn between defending Yesung and Donghae and refusing Heechul very, very loudly.
“I don’t want to be in Super Junior though,” Changmin muses, tapping his chin. “You guys get the worst songs and concepts. Besides, I like Jaejoong-hyung even though he’s a flake.”
“Hey!” Jaejoong breaks in, brow furrowed. “What are you saying about me?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” Heechul tells him condescendingly before turning back to Changmin, thoughtful. “You’re right, I don’t want to be in Super Junior sometimes either.”
“Hey!” This time Donghae protests, turning wide, sad eyes on Heechul. “Did you really mean that, hyung?”
“Yes,” Changmin and Heechul reply immediately.
“…Why is Changmin acting like Heechul-hyung?” Donghae asks Jaejoong.
“It’s a long story,” Jaejoong says, sighing. “You don’t want to know. Really.”
“You could join DBSK,” Changmin suggests mischievously. “You just need to learn how to sing first.”
“Fuck you,” Heechul shoots back calmly. “Don’t be so disrespectful, dongsaeng.”
“Love you too, hyung.” Changmin grins cheekily and just as Heechul snarls at him, their manager shows up to collect them.
The recording passes with more or less no problems, except when Heechul’s angry middle finger in Changmin’s direction is almost caught on tape and Changmin is almost given possession of the microphone before Jaejoong remembers and snatches it away to tell a very long, very boring story about a pet cactus.
After recording, it’s not until all the flurry of activity has died down that Yunho realizes they’ve lost Changmin.
“What happened to Changmin,” he asks Yoochun, trying to quash the feeling of panic.
Just then, he feels his phone vibrate and he pulls it out to see a text message from Heechul.
I’ve borrowed Changmin for the night - he’s wasted in the company of people like you.
I’ll return him tomorrow!
…Or maybe not, who knows.
Night!
- Hyung (who always knows best).
“Well, fuck,” Yoochun says eloquently after Yunho reads the text message to him.
-
The next morning, when Junsu opens the door to throw out the garbage, he is instead greeted with an irate Kangin and a very satisfied-looking Changmin.
“Take this,” Kangin says, shoving Changmin at Junsu. Junsu complies, dropping the garbage bag on his own foot. “Take this and keep him. I thought just Heechul was bad enough, but I swear - ” With one last angry look at Changmin, he stomps away.
“…Should I ask?”
“Nope.” The smile Changmin shoots at Junsu is cheerful and frightening enough that Junsu decides it would probably better for his mental health (and his situation should the police visit their apartment) if he just pretended it all never happened.
-
They never really find a cure. DBSK learns to live with it.
(Okay, after lots of group therapy sessions with Leeteuk, whom they figured had the most experience, considering Heechul and all.
“The trick is to have a happy place,” Leeteuk says, legs crossed and eyes closed. “And to retreat to that happy place whenever said troubling member opens his mouth.”
Jaejoong nods fervently, scribbling in the cute Hello Kitty notepad he picked up when they were in Japan. Junsu and Yoochun are torn between laughing at Jaejoong and mentally beating themselves up for not bringing notepads too.
Yunho scrambles for a change of tape for his portable voice recorder, shushing Junsu and Yoochun when they snicker too loudly.
Changmin curls up with Heechul on the couch, giggling behind their hands and mocking everything everyone else holds dear.)
Rating: PG
Pairing: None! Changmin/Heechul??
Notes: I can't believe I wrote this idk. Characterization probably so off it's on Mars.
Summary: They decide on two rules in light of Changmin’s new situation. One, Changmin was no longer allowed the microphone anymore during fanmeetings and two, he was no longer allowed to talk to any authority figure or basically anyone who could potentially end their career, cut their paycheck, increase their hours, arrest them, etc. without another DBSK member around to do possible damage control.
“How do I look?” Jaejoong asks. He even gives a fake twirl, smacking Junsu in the face with his beaded scarf. He asks this every morning, a habit that began out of self-consciousness (or maybe just vanity) and continues as a joke (or maybe just vanity).
“Fine,” Yoochun replies without even looking, ignoring the cries of “my face! My eye! Jaejoong, you suck,” from Junsu.
“Like you always do,” Yunho says distractedly, scanning over their schedule.
“Terrible,” Changmin pipes up. “Like shit. I don’t pretend to be fashion-forward like you, hyung, but your scarf is hideous and I would shoot you for daring to wear those boots in public if I owned a gun.” He pauses but as if some cosmic force is prompting him to talk, he continues - “Also, your shirt is too tight, stop taking Yoochun-hyung’s things.”
There is a brief moment where Yoochun and Junsu both turn to look at Changmin and Yunho even puts down their schedule. Changmin actually looks really horrified with himself. Jaejoong gapes in wordless dismay, pointing at Changmin and sputtering.
It’s Yunho who breaks the moment of silence (or in Junsu’s case - wheezy and uncontrollable laughter). “Well,” he says, casual as the wind. “Anyway. Sit down and eat, Jae. We’re not eating until like, two later.”
Yoochun pours himself a cup of coffee and grumbles, “Why do our schedules always involve us waking up at like, five in the morning?”
“It’s nine,” Junsu points out.
“Hey,” Jaejoong says, stopping the hum of conversation again. “Hey! What the hell, guys! Yunho-yah, didn’t you hear what Changmin said to me? Are you just going to let him get away with that?”
Yunho blinks at Jaejoong blankly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says, and pats Changmin’s head absentmindedly.
Realizing he’s not going to be getting any consolation from Yunho, Jaejoong turns to Junsu and Yoochun, waving his arms indignantly. “Yoochun, Junsu! Do you really think that that’s - ” here he points at Changmin, who looks slightly affronted now that the worst hasn’t happened yet, “acceptable?! I mean, I just - I don’t - guys!” His voice, which had rose to a high-pitched whine by the end of the tirade, breaks off at Yoochun and Junsu’s sniggering.
“Sorry, hyung.” Junsu at least has the courtesy to apologize, but then his grin grows even wider. “Sorry the truth hurts.”
Jaejoong throws himself down into the chair next to Changmin, smacking him on the arm. “I hate you,” he says glumly. “I hate you so much.”
“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Changmin replies smugly and automatically, kicking Jaejoong and consequently, scruffing his boots.
Jaejoong looks down at the boots he will now have to change and bangs his head on the table.
“What’s wrong with you?” Yunho asks, eyebrow raised.
“I hate my life,” Jaejoong moans morosely. “No one respects me.”
Yunho opens his mouth, about to say something comforting and nonsensical, but Changmin beats him to the punch.
“No one cares, hyung,” he points out. “Now eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.”
“Oh snap,” Junsu says admiringly, leaning across the table for a high five. “You’re vicious today, Changmin.”
While Yoochun and Junsu give Changmin awed high-fives and fist bumps and Changmin modestly accepts their praise, Jaejoong slides his chair over to Yunho and hisses, “Where did we go wrong in raising him, Yunho-yah?”
“Don’t know. Probably your fault, though.” Yunho shrugs nonchalantly but Jaejoong sees the smile that twitches at the corner of his mouth.
Jaejoong makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and stomps to his bedroom. “I hope you’re all happy with yourselves,” he shoots back dramatically over his shoulder. “I’m changing.”
The door slams just as Changmin shouts, “We’re doing you the favor, hyung!”
-
Basically, what happens is that Changmin loses whatever sense of tact he ever had.
“So, like, his mind-to-mouth portal is broken?” Junsu asks, amused.
“Oh shut up, everyone knows your mind-to-mouth portal was broken a long time ago,” Changmin snaps before he can help himself, and then immediately clamps a hand over his mouth.
“Wow Changmin-ah, don’t hold yourself back because of us,” Yoochun drawls. “Just let it all out, why don’t you.”
Changmin flips him off. “Fuck you,” he snarls.
As it turns out, what happened to Jaejoong wasn’t that funny once each of them was subject to Changmin’s tongue.
They decide on two rules in light of Changmin’s new situation. One, Changmin was no longer allowed the microphone anymore during fanmeetings and two, he was no longer allowed to talk to any authority figure or basically anyone who could potentially end their career, cut their paycheck, increase their hours, arrest them, etc. without another DBSK member around to do possible damage control.
They even have a minor argument about whether or not Changmin should be allowed to talk to anyone else in general for fear of scarring the rest of the human population, but Changmin puts an end to that.
“It’s not like I’m going to sell your secrets or something, guys.” He pauses. “Besides, I’m pretty sure no one wants to know about Yunho-hyung’s knitting or Yoochun-hyung’s Winnie-the-Pooh security blanket.”
“…Maybe we should just lock him in the closet until he’s fixed,” Yunho suggests to Yoochun seriously over Junsu and Jaejoong’s hysterical laughter.
“Or gag him with Jaejoong’s dirty underwear,” Yoochun replies, just as seriously.
-
“Which genius decided it would be a good idea to let us share a dressing room with Super Junior?” Changmin mutters under his breath, wincing as Donghae wedges himself into the little space between him and Jaejoong on the couch meant for three.
“No idea, but I’m going to find out who it was and then kill him after this,” Heechul replies from his other side, stopping his conversation with Yunho, who is perched very precariously on the couch arm.
“Sure you could do that, hyung? Wouldn’t you be too worried about breaking a nail or something?” Changmin can’t help looking at Heechul’s well-manicured hands pointedly, all the while thinking - shit, I’m going to die.
Heechul just looks at Changmin at this and Changmin screws up his eyes because if he’s going to meet his untimely demise, he doesn’t want the last thing he sees to be Heechul’s face and -
“Um,” Yunho says, and Changmin realizes with a sense of impending painful doom that, yes, he did just say all that out loud. Yunho raises a hand to restrain Heechul just in case things get violent and Changmin tries to inch as far away from Heechul as possible.
To both his and Yunho’s surprise, Heechul actually laughs - in fact he falls into Yunho’s lap laughing, his thin shoulders shaking with the magnitude of his near-hysteria.
“Er,” Yunho says, and brings his hand down awkwardly to pat Heechul’s back. “Are you okay, hyung? Er, I’m sorry about Changmin there, he uh, he has this condition - ”
“What,” Heechul replies scathingly, brushing off Yunho’s hand. “He has balls, unlike the rest of you?” He jerks his head at Jaejoong, who is certainly looking even more ethereal and androgynous than usual, chewing on his shiny sleeve and very seriously discussing eyeliner colors with Donghae.
“Oh shut up,” Changmin says, all apologies and formalities forgotten. “He’s talking to your bandmate.”
“Yeah,” Heechul says, grinning. “But I already knew Donghae was a lost cause.”
“…And yet you still had hopes for Jaejoong-hyung?”
“Touché.” Heechul’s slightly manic grin grows even wider, and he throws an arm around Changmin. “I like him!” He proclaims delightedly. “Why have you been hiding him all this time, Yunho?”
“Too scared I’ll upstage him and take his fans,” is Changmin’s dry reply from underneath Heechul’s arm, and Yunho sputters.
“Excuse me - that’s not true, Changmin-ah - hyung, you can’t just - what are you two doing?” He cries despondently as Heechul and Changmin start talking in a tone too low for Yunho to hear.
“We’re bonding,” Heechul sniffs. “Now go away and discuss the merits of Night Life Blue and Black Pearl with Donghae and Jaejoong or something.”
“Personally, I think you’re more of a Forest Green myself, hyung,” Changmin says with a straight face and Heechul bursts out laughing, curling around Changmin.
“God, why can’t my bandmates be like you,” Heechul says, looking at Changmin affectionately. He turns to Yunho. “Can I keep him? How about this - I’ll trade you Donghae for him.”
“Er,” Yunho says.
“I’m pretty sure I’m worth more than just Donghae,” Changmin declares, nose wrinkled.
“You’re right,” Heechul agrees. “You’re taller and a better singer. I’ll throw in Yesung too, he’s basically useless.”
“Er,” Yunho says again, torn between defending Yesung and Donghae and refusing Heechul very, very loudly.
“I don’t want to be in Super Junior though,” Changmin muses, tapping his chin. “You guys get the worst songs and concepts. Besides, I like Jaejoong-hyung even though he’s a flake.”
“Hey!” Jaejoong breaks in, brow furrowed. “What are you saying about me?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” Heechul tells him condescendingly before turning back to Changmin, thoughtful. “You’re right, I don’t want to be in Super Junior sometimes either.”
“Hey!” This time Donghae protests, turning wide, sad eyes on Heechul. “Did you really mean that, hyung?”
“Yes,” Changmin and Heechul reply immediately.
“…Why is Changmin acting like Heechul-hyung?” Donghae asks Jaejoong.
“It’s a long story,” Jaejoong says, sighing. “You don’t want to know. Really.”
“You could join DBSK,” Changmin suggests mischievously. “You just need to learn how to sing first.”
“Fuck you,” Heechul shoots back calmly. “Don’t be so disrespectful, dongsaeng.”
“Love you too, hyung.” Changmin grins cheekily and just as Heechul snarls at him, their manager shows up to collect them.
The recording passes with more or less no problems, except when Heechul’s angry middle finger in Changmin’s direction is almost caught on tape and Changmin is almost given possession of the microphone before Jaejoong remembers and snatches it away to tell a very long, very boring story about a pet cactus.
After recording, it’s not until all the flurry of activity has died down that Yunho realizes they’ve lost Changmin.
“What happened to Changmin,” he asks Yoochun, trying to quash the feeling of panic.
Just then, he feels his phone vibrate and he pulls it out to see a text message from Heechul.
I’ve borrowed Changmin for the night - he’s wasted in the company of people like you.
I’ll return him tomorrow!
…Or maybe not, who knows.
Night!
- Hyung (who always knows best).
“Well, fuck,” Yoochun says eloquently after Yunho reads the text message to him.
-
The next morning, when Junsu opens the door to throw out the garbage, he is instead greeted with an irate Kangin and a very satisfied-looking Changmin.
“Take this,” Kangin says, shoving Changmin at Junsu. Junsu complies, dropping the garbage bag on his own foot. “Take this and keep him. I thought just Heechul was bad enough, but I swear - ” With one last angry look at Changmin, he stomps away.
“…Should I ask?”
“Nope.” The smile Changmin shoots at Junsu is cheerful and frightening enough that Junsu decides it would probably better for his mental health (and his situation should the police visit their apartment) if he just pretended it all never happened.
-
They never really find a cure. DBSK learns to live with it.
(Okay, after lots of group therapy sessions with Leeteuk, whom they figured had the most experience, considering Heechul and all.
“The trick is to have a happy place,” Leeteuk says, legs crossed and eyes closed. “And to retreat to that happy place whenever said troubling member opens his mouth.”
Jaejoong nods fervently, scribbling in the cute Hello Kitty notepad he picked up when they were in Japan. Junsu and Yoochun are torn between laughing at Jaejoong and mentally beating themselves up for not bringing notepads too.
Yunho scrambles for a change of tape for his portable voice recorder, shushing Junsu and Yoochun when they snicker too loudly.
Changmin curls up with Heechul on the couch, giggling behind their hands and mocking everything everyone else holds dear.)