The Ashleigh Legacy | Gen. 1.3.
Archive | ✖ Naughty language, sexual situations/pixel nudity, and general disregard for the status quo.
Last time: The Ashleigh's got a brand new house that Ares is convinced is haunted by the Guardian of the Abyss, an evil spirit he must make tribute to so it won't swallow up his family whole. ♥ Bo and Ares fought a lot and made up a lot. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Two new babies names Étain and Finn happened, leaving Brigid the only kid with brown hair, ostracizing her forever. Both Bo's friend Blake and awesome babysitter Anderson got turned into vampires, which planted the seed of Dylan's obsession with them. And both sets of twins had birthdays!
This is how every morning in the Ashleigh household starts out. Brigid dancing around in her underwear to Chinese music, and Dylan rushing to finish his homework at the last minute. She seriously turns on every radio in the house.
Bo sets an excellent example by eating cake for breakfast.
Bo: Cake has eggs and milk in it. That's breakfast, okay?
Ares: Okay, Guardian. I have a very important game today. I need to make money so Bo will stop yelling at me.
Ares: I'm totally good-looking enough to be a world-famous celebrity sports guy, right?
Sure are, bb.
Brigid: Why am I tasked with such menial work? I am never challenged!
Ares: 你是太响了！
I guess I can't blame him for arguing in Chinese considering Brigid is the only one who ever turns on the radio.
As creepy as they are, I'm eternally grateful for IFs simply because they keep toddlers' social bars in the green.
Dylan: I wonder if anyone will judge me for watching Twilight again?
I don't know. She stood up here watching TV with Etain for like three hours.
Brigid: You bastard. You found the cake I hid.
Dylan: Hiding it behind the buttermilk was an amateur move. You know that mom makes pancakes 24/7.
Brigid: Curses.
Brigid: Just for that, I'm spitefully eating the rest of her leftovers.
Dylan: I wonder if I can breathe cake...
I love you for autonomously cleaning, my baby angels. Your parents never do.
Meanwhile, mom was out working.
She wanted to swipe that sweet ride behind her, but the car's owner came strolling out of the hospital before she had the chance. His name is Ryan. You might remember him from such moments as this, when she had tried stealing his car in the past.
Bo: Painting it orange isn't going to make me forget that I want your car, pal.
Bo: How about we have a smoke and talk about this.
Ryan: How about you fuck off before I call the cops on your skinny, white ass.
Bo: Fair enough.
And so Bo retorted in typical Bo fashion.
Étain: (I didn't do this. But everyone is going to think I did it. I CAN'T CRAWL OUT OF THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I'LL DROWN.)
Dylan: Ew, Etain! Gross!
Étain: (AUSTIN FRAMED ME!)
Austin is her IF.
Ares had a lecture to attend at city hall, and since Bo was still out 'working' (the quotes make her sound like a prostitute), everyone's favorite vampire babysitter showed up.
Anderson: I'm just gonna chill outside tonight. Dylan keeps staring at me and it's starting to make me vaguely uncomfortable.
For the audience at home, Dylan keeps rolling vampire-related wishes. He's the only member of the household that ever does.
But both the kids were in bed early due to all of the literal cleaning up after their parents they had to do all day. Bless.
When Bo finally got home she was greeted with the most majestic of natural phenomenon happening in her very own kitchen! A beautiful and power geyser!
Bo: IF I WANTED TO SEE A GEYSER I'D GO TO FUCKING YELLOWSTONE.
I'm sure that book is fascinating, bb. But your manliness is needed at home.
Ares applied his testosterone to the problem, but only fixed it about halfway before passing out. And then went to bed, leaving the kitchen to flood overnight.
The kids don't give a fuck. They just want cake and ice cream for breakfast.
Brigid: It's kind of awesome having an indoor pool.
Dylan has been having a few issues feeling manly. Kids tease him about his pink hair at school, so he decided that pretending to be an astronaut might do him well.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that he keeps cancelling himself out.
Aw, poor Brigid. She'll be heartbroken.
Etain and Finn are pretty well-behaved kids, which is probably why they don't get a lot of attention. But Bo and Ares actually see to their needs much more diligently than they did to Dylan and Brigid, which is nice. They're learning to be better parents.
Ares: I wonder if sleeping up high will make it harder for the Guardian to wake me up in the middle of the night.
I wonder if Dylan will mind sleeping with his father.
...I hope so.
Bo: Mommy steals precious and expensive pieces of artwork so you can eat!
Finn: (omg)
Bo: Yay eating!
Not only did Dylan get picked on for having pink hair today, but he also went through the day stinking like a bucket of dead fish. Not even his twin could endure him.
Brigid: Excuse me, bus driver? Can I please put all the windows down?
Dylan: (I am so fucking manly now.)
Brigid: Hey, mom.
Dylan: Hi, mom!
Bo: What does your big brother need to take a ride in, Finn?
Finn: Washing machine!
Dylan: ...
Étain: (Oh, Austin. Why are you so delicious?)
Austin: (Damn this addictive cloth coating of mine.)
Dylan: *weeps at the thought of showering as always*
This is Minzi Cho. She's friends with both Dylan and Brigid, and yet never talks to either of them when she's over.
Dylan is so repulsed by the thought of a non-familial female in his house that he has to flee outside.
Brigid: Hey, mom? Could you please go change Finn's diaper before I slay everyone in the house with my notebook?
Bo: But... cake.
Bo: (Damn kids always peeing themselves and making other people clean up after them...)
Bo: (Oh...)
Bo: (Crap.)
Bo: (Well. Now I feel like a hypocrite.)
..........
THIS FAMILY. WHY.
Minzi: The fuck. Ew. I'm out of here.
Brigid: Yeeeeeeah. My mom is a special snowflake.
Brigid: I can't even. I need emancipation immediately.
Brigid: I'm sorry, Finn. I'll kidnap you and Etain away one of these days.
Finn: Warm splashy!
IF Charlotte:: (Sometimes I hate being constructed out of absorbent material.)
Meanwhile, Dylan was still outside struggling with his homework. Probably for the best. At least he was surrounded by fresh air.
Sigh. I'm waiting for Child Protective Services to come and take these children, I swear.
Minzi: *whisper* I think your bother's pink hair is cool.
Brigid: *whisper* Don't bother. He's scared of girls.
Well. Maybe not scared. Maybe more like he'd just rather be one.
Dylan: Thank you, thank you. I love you all. Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist.
Dylan: This juice is just barely acceptable! I demand fresh-squeezed next time. How am I expected to rule with this sort of incompetence surrounding me?!
He's not even kidding. Fuck the juice.
Dylan: Loyal subject, Minzi. Leaving the royal court so soon?
Minzi: Uh, yeah. My parents are pretty strict about my curfew and stuff.
Minzi: They also don't like it when I'm too close to boys without supervision.
RIM-SHOT PLEASE.
Random fun fact: Right before Minzi left, she'd gone into the upstairs bonus room and walked straight over to the bookshelf, stole a book, and then immediately left the house. I see what you did there, little girl. And Bo is so proud of you.
Ares: Hey, babe. We're running a bit low on money these days... are you sure you don't want to just sacrifice the smallest ones to the Guardian in exchange for wealth and fame?
Bo: I've definitely considered it.
Wouldn't you?
Étain: THE CRIB IS EATING MY HAAAAANDS!
Finn: OH GOD OH GOD MY FINGEEERRRSSS!
All pancakes, all the time. Seriously. I cannot stress how much she has 100% never cooked anything else ever.
Ares: Ahhhh, I love the scent of fresh, clean laundry. It's so much nicer than having to battle a rabid, foaming washing machine.
Ares: (Are we missing a book..?)
Yes, bb. You are. That Cho girl took it.
If Etain isn't playing with Austin, then she's playing with the xylophone. If she doesn't roll Virtuoso at some point I will be very disappointed.
I left Ares alone for a bit before coming back to him staring at the wall in the younger twin's bedroom. Just staring in awe at the butterfly decals. Like, his 'View' action was up for ages.
Ares: So... beautiful... am... entranced...
Ares: Hey, babe. You've been so stressed lately; I'm getting worried about you.
Bo: It's cool. I'm just going to elbow through doors and walls and such until I feel better.
Ares: I love you, Boo. Let's get out of here for a few days.
Bo: That sounds awesome. And don't call me that.
Best sexy-sultry-derpy expression ever.
Brigid: You want to smash the crap out of this dollhouse like the badass dinosaurs that we are?
Dylan: Uuuumm, weeelll, eeerr...
Brigid: You really are such a wussy. Is that why you called pink dinosaur?
Dylan: ........
The kids decided to hit up the park because Brigid wanted to learn how to play chess. And every time they ride their bikes I get Miss Gulch's theme music from Wizard of Oz in my head.
I can't with them playing chess in dinosaur costumes. dfghjkjsd
Dylan: (Hmm. Should I move my pawn or eat Brigid's head?)
Brigid: (Hmm. Should I move my knight or burninate those thatched-roof cottages?)
Oh, yeah. Homework.
So, while the older twins were out, the younger twins were being miserable and horrible and Bo and Ares just legit started flipping out. It was amazing.
Bo reached the end of her fuse and was this close to throwing the toddlers out the window.
Another fun fact: This screencap is so amazing that it's currently my desktop wallpaper.
So they hired a sitter and ran away to China in the middle of the night. Didn't even tell the kids. Fuck the police.
Bo: Babe. You're in your manties.
Ares: I know. I had a really comfortable plane ride, plus I love the idea of foreign air gently caressing my junk.
Bo: Best. Wedding gift. Ever.
Bo: You've been wanting to come here ever since we got married. I know how much you've been wanting to learn martial arts at a legit academy, from a legit instructor. So what do you say we just get right to it?
Ares: You are the best, Boo!
Bo: Don't- ugh, nevermind.
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
I don't even know who that dude is behind Ares, but he cut Bo off. And now Bo wants to cut him.
This happened for the entire rest of the day.
Oh, schadenfreude. How I revel in you.
Bo: Okay, babe. Now that we've worked our way up through, like, three different ranks in a matter of just hours in a totally realistic way, do you want to spar?
Ares: Absolutely! Just let me change into something more appropriate for sparring.
Bo: That was really hot.
Ares: I am totally turned on.
Bo ran off to take a shower, fully expecting her man to join her. But Ares got distracted when someone asked him to join him for a game of chess.
Ares: Damn, you're a really tough opponent, sir. I can't remember the last time I was so conflicted about a move!
Ares: I can't see any way out of this! I think you might have me at checkmate!
Chair: I AM THE BEST CHESS PLAYER EVER.
Ares: Babe, babe, I'm really wanting some dim sum. Think this place has any?
Bo: I don't know... it seems a little ghetto to me.
Ares: Eggrolls! Just as good.
Bo: YAY PANCAKES ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
Ares: I can't believe we came all this way just for you to eat more pancakes.
Bo: ohmygodistabbedmyselfinthethroatwithchopsticks.
Ares: You're doing it wrong.
Ares: HEY, BO. HEY, BO. CAN WE BUY STUFF?
Bo: ...sure, babe.
Bo: I would like Stuff, please.
Shopkeeper: ...
Sadly, she bought a lot of adventuring stuff (tent, showers, dried food, etc.) because they were going to go adventuring the next day, but that ended up not happening due to reasons explained at the end of this entry.
By the time they got back to base camp, they were both so exhausted that I'm shocked they actually made it up to bed before passing out.
PlumbBob: ('Sup?)
Sleep forever.
Alas, China had become way too laggy and glitchy for me to keep them there any longer. :( I googled around and found that there can sometimes be an issue at the Hidden Springs, but after resetting all the sims there, the problem persisted, so instead of tempting fate and having Bo and Ares get stuck in China, I just sent them home early. They got their martial arts, which was the main reason for them going there. They can adventure in Egypt or France later on. ;)
Next time, there will be birthdays galore! All the birthdays you could ever want. There will be more arguing and fighting and a midlife crisis. There will be a robbey of the house and an attempted robbery of the heart. And more vampires for Dylan. AND THE PAPERKIDS GANG WILL TRY A DIRTY, UNDERHANDED TRICK TO THROW BO OFF HER GUARD.
As always, thanks so much for reading! ♥
Guest Sims:
Ares Live by emalso