A rant about what happens after she is born...
this is a long winded rant about daycare, bonding with child, etc It is an unfortunate that in todays modern society that more than ½ of the U. S. families have two full time working parents. Our options, as parents, are to either make it work with one income, have the child in daycare, have a family member watch your child or to have the two working parents adapt their schedules in such a way that one is always home while the other is working.
Another unfortunate fact is that if you can get FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), most companies do not pay your income while you are on maternity leave, you can not apply for any type of assistance during that period because you are still considered as employed and I believe most states, if not nationwide, will only allow for a maximum of 12 weeks to secure your position (this excludes pregnancy disability). While I am thankful that I know I will have a job to go back to, I am frustrated that my options are so limited in regards to the care of my child while being able to help provide for my family… and how will my child feel about all of this? Will she really know her parents whom she will only see mornings, evenings, weekends and holidays?
I know that there are ways to ensure that you bond with your child, even whilst being two working parents.. however, I am frustrated and disappointed with the entire scenario. Initially, we were going to have her in daycare three days a week, my husband works weekends plus three week days and I work Monday through Friday. My heart broke every time I thought about it. I would pour over spreadsheets, and figures, and savings accounts to see if there was any way we could afford for me to not have to work until she started school. Unfortunately, the answer always came up no. Not only due to the missing income, but also because, even pre-pregnancy, I required a lot of medical maintenance appointments due to various ailments and without being covered by my insurance and his, we can’t afford the out of pocket expense.
So what do we do? Well, we asked my Mom who was already in a bad financial situation to move in with us. The arrangement is that rather than pay out $1,000/month for daycare that she would take care of Rowan for us during the day, three times a week, and we would take care of any of her current expenses (car payment, car insurance, current credit cards, living expenses). And if she wanted to get a part time job up here (we currently live an hour apart) she could do that on the days that she isn’t watching the baby, or on the weekends.
Recently, however, I started having a hard time with even this because my Mom will be living with us. She will be the main fixture in Rowan’s day to day activities, and even sharing a room with her until our lease is up; we will then move to a bigger place so each can have their own room. I am worried that our daughter will bond more with Grandma then with Mom & Dad. I love my Mom to death, and I feel much more comfortable with her watching Rowan for us rather than a stranger and I know she will watch her all the while maintaining our rules and ideals. Plus, I know that I can live with my Mom, my husband is concerned however… he keeps muttering something about “three generations… good God”. Aside from his chiding, he says he is ok with this and knows it is what is best.. It’s just that… I’ve started to have dreams. Dreams that Rowan cries when Grandma has to leave but doesn’t react when Mom or Dad leave. Or even worse when she’s older that she turns to Grandma before she’ll turn to Mom and Dad when she needs help.
So what do I do? I guess we just need to make sure that she understands that we love her tremendously and always keep a strong bond with her. Do Mommy only things, or Daddy only things, or just Mommy & Daddy things. I also don’t want my Mom to think that we don’t appreciate her willingness to help and have her feel alienated like she is just ‘hired help’. We always knew that she would eventually move in with us because she doesn’t have a retirement plan, it’s just happening a little sooner than we had anticipated and I guess I am starting to freak out.
Another unfortunate fact is that if you can get FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), most companies do not pay your income while you are on maternity leave, you can not apply for any type of assistance during that period because you are still considered as employed and I believe most states, if not nationwide, will only allow for a maximum of 12 weeks to secure your position (this excludes pregnancy disability). While I am thankful that I know I will have a job to go back to, I am frustrated that my options are so limited in regards to the care of my child while being able to help provide for my family… and how will my child feel about all of this? Will she really know her parents whom she will only see mornings, evenings, weekends and holidays?
I know that there are ways to ensure that you bond with your child, even whilst being two working parents.. however, I am frustrated and disappointed with the entire scenario. Initially, we were going to have her in daycare three days a week, my husband works weekends plus three week days and I work Monday through Friday. My heart broke every time I thought about it. I would pour over spreadsheets, and figures, and savings accounts to see if there was any way we could afford for me to not have to work until she started school. Unfortunately, the answer always came up no. Not only due to the missing income, but also because, even pre-pregnancy, I required a lot of medical maintenance appointments due to various ailments and without being covered by my insurance and his, we can’t afford the out of pocket expense.
So what do we do? Well, we asked my Mom who was already in a bad financial situation to move in with us. The arrangement is that rather than pay out $1,000/month for daycare that she would take care of Rowan for us during the day, three times a week, and we would take care of any of her current expenses (car payment, car insurance, current credit cards, living expenses). And if she wanted to get a part time job up here (we currently live an hour apart) she could do that on the days that she isn’t watching the baby, or on the weekends.
Recently, however, I started having a hard time with even this because my Mom will be living with us. She will be the main fixture in Rowan’s day to day activities, and even sharing a room with her until our lease is up; we will then move to a bigger place so each can have their own room. I am worried that our daughter will bond more with Grandma then with Mom & Dad. I love my Mom to death, and I feel much more comfortable with her watching Rowan for us rather than a stranger and I know she will watch her all the while maintaining our rules and ideals. Plus, I know that I can live with my Mom, my husband is concerned however… he keeps muttering something about “three generations… good God”. Aside from his chiding, he says he is ok with this and knows it is what is best.. It’s just that… I’ve started to have dreams. Dreams that Rowan cries when Grandma has to leave but doesn’t react when Mom or Dad leave. Or even worse when she’s older that she turns to Grandma before she’ll turn to Mom and Dad when she needs help.
So what do I do? I guess we just need to make sure that she understands that we love her tremendously and always keep a strong bond with her. Do Mommy only things, or Daddy only things, or just Mommy & Daddy things. I also don’t want my Mom to think that we don’t appreciate her willingness to help and have her feel alienated like she is just ‘hired help’. We always knew that she would eventually move in with us because she doesn’t have a retirement plan, it’s just happening a little sooner than we had anticipated and I guess I am starting to freak out.