in favor of charles bronson

[preciousdemise]

im in disbelief
sometimes in fear
sometimes in distant happiness
i blame myself for everything that happens
foolish as this may sound its very true
my misfortunes are mine
like a word settled upon the favored
in this life i know
was never ready for
i never imagened how dark i grew i know
that life has its many surrenders
this desire to find an ending
to many unfinished sentence left
to depart
god i knew so little
but i have deserted so much
and willing to vanish
with the intent of mass amnesia
i wouldnt want to the world
to wonder if it sallowed me up
i wouldnt want the eyes to glisten
for my exit
why does this life exist for me
i have no idea
why does this context of words
die with me every night
i wouldnt be able to say
the love i have has surpassed my
expectations
but now i wonder why my lungs
dont cloud with the black blood
i beckon for
this plea would always cut me like
a helpless stray
this reminder would always devour
my heart like a misguided notion of
security
i would drown in the wine of a million
tears if my wounds were to still open