10 minute FUCKING school!!!
Well me and the Jew were watching Once Upon a Time in Mexico (the greatest fucking movie ever!!!) and we got to the special features...there was a "10 Minute FLICK School," a "10 Minute Cooking School," and an "Inside Troublemaker Studios." At the end of the cooking school (following the BEST quote EVER) - "Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck...you gotta do it for your whole life, so you might as well know how." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA but anyway...the end said "coming soon, '10 Minute FUCKING School'." and the Jew and I...being the twisted fucks we are...decided to get a head start on this project...so here goes:
Not knowing how to fuck, is like not knowing how to cook...if you're not doing it, someone else is, and is getting paid twice as much as you. First of all, there's twice as many women as men in this land (we just decided) so there's no excuse...get crackin on those 3 and 4-somes! They're always welcome! (don't let those stupid chicks tell you otherwise...they're all lies) Well first you hafta find the "puerca" (slam pig) and practice a skill just kinky enough to impress your friends. First there's a little preparation to it...a little more than the average couch potato would do...that's what makes it so "cool." Approach the peurca, and tell her "I'd like you to take a bite of my pork." Then she will respond, "my mouth is watering...it's EXTREMELY tender!" Then she'll marinate your pork, stimulating the Achiote (hard earthy-looking seeds) then warn her, "if you don't pulverize it into a fine paste...it'll be all gritty, and stuck in your teeth." You hafta move onto the 5 pounds of pork butt, in which case you'll say, "my mouth is watering...it's EXTREMELY tender!" Roast it slowly for 5 hours. For heightened pleasure...banana leaves...just can't beat that! Or use 5 lemons, and the finest tequilla you can find. This will make the "special sauce" that drove agent Saenz to shoot the cook. It'll be so good, you might get whacked for it. So pick 2 or 3 of your favorites, learn to do them well...practice...do them at least once a week...and remember to experiment! You could use tin-foil, but this is much cooler! ;-) Check these out, they're sticks (the smoother the better)That's what gives it the color or flavor.
Not knowing how to fuck, is like not knowing how to cook...if you're not doing it, someone else is, and is getting paid twice as much as you. First of all, there's twice as many women as men in this land (we just decided) so there's no excuse...get crackin on those 3 and 4-somes! They're always welcome! (don't let those stupid chicks tell you otherwise...they're all lies) Well first you hafta find the "puerca" (slam pig) and practice a skill just kinky enough to impress your friends. First there's a little preparation to it...a little more than the average couch potato would do...that's what makes it so "cool." Approach the peurca, and tell her "I'd like you to take a bite of my pork." Then she will respond, "my mouth is watering...it's EXTREMELY tender!" Then she'll marinate your pork, stimulating the Achiote (hard earthy-looking seeds) then warn her, "if you don't pulverize it into a fine paste...it'll be all gritty, and stuck in your teeth." You hafta move onto the 5 pounds of pork butt, in which case you'll say, "my mouth is watering...it's EXTREMELY tender!" Roast it slowly for 5 hours. For heightened pleasure...banana leaves...just can't beat that! Or use 5 lemons, and the finest tequilla you can find. This will make the "special sauce" that drove agent Saenz to shoot the cook. It'll be so good, you might get whacked for it. So pick 2 or 3 of your favorites, learn to do them well...practice...do them at least once a week...and remember to experiment! You could use tin-foil, but this is much cooler! ;-) Check these out, they're sticks (the smoother the better)That's what gives it the color or flavor.