blah.
so today i spent 12 hours in a car with my mom...it was the worst day of my life.
i got back from the balsams (which, btw...ruled) around 6, hung out with steenie and billiam, started packing, christophe came over, :) ate dinner, and packed my life into a rental van for 7 hours. it was out of control. i yelled at my mom a lot, christophe and i made fun of her...that was about that. finished packing at like 3:45, said goodbye (i hate doing that.) i'll have you know i only really said goodbye to like 5 people. i pretended like i wasn't leaving. it didn't work too well, everyone kinda figured it out, but it was worth a try!
i can't even take my mom anymore...she's talking to herself again. all day, i curled up in the passanger's seat in my jammies with a blanket, a hoodie, and my slippers, listening to music that makes me cry on repeat all day long: my emo mix with 5 of my favorite songs in the world on it: Tracy Chapman's (<3 love him!) "The Promise" and "Unsung Psalm"...plus Shinedown's "Burning Bright," Vervepipe's "Colorful," and Better Than Ezra's "A Lifetime." As a matter of fact, I'm feeling inspired. The lyrics to some of the greatest songs in the world:
The Promise:
If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.
Unsung Psalm:
There would be psalms sung by a choir
I would have a white robe a halo newly acquired
I'd be at peace and I'd have no desire
If I'd lived right
There would be cherubs with tiny harps arrows and bows
I'd have a halo and a flowing white robe
I'd be enfolded by a celestial light
If I'd lived right
But I'm feeling hot and bothered under the collar
I feel the sweat breaking out on my brow
I feel the heat and I know it's the passion
The love I can't disavow
If this is a dream wake me up now
If this is a movie let's edit these scenes out
It would be a PG instead of an X-rated life
If I'd lived right
Some would call me a cheat call me a liar
Say that I've been defeated by the basest desires
Yes I have strayed and succumbed to my vices
But I tried to live right
But I have no regrets no guilts in my heart
I only feel sadness for any pain that I've caused
I guess I wouldn't bother to worry at all
If I'd lived right
Do you live by the book do you play by the rules?
Do you care what is thought by others about you?
If this day is all that is promised to you
Do you live for the future the present the past?
If there is one thing I know I know I will die
If anyone cares some stranger may critique my life
I may be revered or defamed and decried
But I tried to live right
There would be psalms sung by a choir
I would have a white robe a halo newly acquired
I'd be at peace and I'd have no desire
If I'd lived right
Burning Bright:
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
Colorful:
The show is over close the story book
There will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well they’re reaching for the door
I watch their backs as they leave single file
But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while
I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser’s living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way
Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn’t pantomime
You are more beautiful when you awake
Than most are in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory well
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy
I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser’s living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way
Look ahead as far as you can see
We’ll live in drama but we’ll die in a comedy
I know I can be colorful...
A Lifetime:
Allie woke up 8AM
Graduation day.
Got into a car,
And crashed along the way.
When we arrived late to the wake,
Stole the urn while they
Looked away,
And drove to the beach
'Cause I knew you'd want it
That way.
And you were standing
On the hood of the car
Singing out loud
When the sun came up.
And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime
It felt like a lifetime
And you move like water
I could drown in you.
And I fell so deep once,
Till you pulled me through
You would tell me
"No one is allowed to be so proud
They never reach out
When they're giving up."
And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime
Are you sitting in the lights?
Or combing your hair again,
And talking in rhymes?
Are you sitting in the lights?
When I got home, heard the phone,
Your parents had arrived.
And your dad set his jaw
Your mom just smiled and sighed.
But they left soon
And I went to my room.
Played that disc that you'd given me,
And I shut my eyes
Swear I could hear the sea.
When we were standing
On the hood of your car
Singing out loud when the sun came up.
And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes,
Three and a half minutes,
Felt like a lifetime.
I'm officially a lyric whore. I'm not usually, but it's cool for just tonight. Those are some pretty sappy songs...but intense. Gotta love 'em. This is the most sad i have been in a loooooong time. i am very bored, and very lonely, and everyone else is back home having tons of fun. I finally know how Chouey felt all summer, and quite frankly, I don't know how he did it. That earns a shit ton of respect from me. :-/