oh, god dammit!
i am totally insane. this is the only explanation for this situation. allow me to feebly attempt an explanation...
as the two of you here that read this may know, i mainly do my blogging on myspace. why, then, am i using lj today? well, because this blog involves some myspace women that i do not want to read this. as far as i know none of them has this particular blog address, but if they do, i am most certainly making this one more complicated.
there are four women on myspace that are driving me nuts. only two are of real concern, and really only one is inside my head.
woman #1 is attached and lives in seattle. she is one of the "inconsequential" ones, at least insofar as my sanity is concerned. she's hot and really fun and i kinda wish she was near me and single... but i can deal with the fact that she isn't.
woman #2 is semi-attached and lives in tampa. our conversations are not particularly deep. i don't know why i mention her here. i may get together with her over christmas when i go to tampa again, but it is not particularly important really.
woman #3 is single in texas. she is coming to see me in three weeks. that should prove interesting. she is very nice, but there are a number of personality traits that make her fairly unattractive to me, at least as concerns actual dating. thankfully she appears to realize that anything that happens while she is here will be fun and nothing more. if not, then we are due for a nasty chat in about 5 weeks. i hope not... she's a nice person.
woman #4 is the real reason i am going crazy. she plays in a band in gainesville and her band opened for us during the farewell show we had (the pictures of me in drag all come from that show). i was immediately taken with her, and essentially told her so before leaving town, but that was less than a month later and i never tried to do anything about it. i found her through myspace some few weeks ago and we have been chatting several times daily since then. although i certainly find her emphatically sexually attractive, that has not been a focus of our chats at all. if you know me at all, then you probably know that this means i REALLY like her. well, now we are in a bind, as i admitted today in explicit detail exactly how i feel about her. she then replied in kind, returning said feelings, except that she is more practical than i am, and has been dating someone (not sure how seriously). she is a pharmacy resident and is set in gainesville for another year until the residency is over. she talks of visiting me... and i love the idea. what is driving me nuts, is although i don't want to use the term, i am essentially in love with a woman i cannot have. i am cursing god for the fact that once in my useless fucking life i know exactly what i want and i can't seem to have it. fuck.
so why the FUCK am i writing all this and exposing my fucking soft underbelly? because maybe you two canadian fucks can help me understand why i am so totally insane over this woman. this is some serious horseshit here.