To see you suffering, oh my God, I think it's killing me.

[prdaughter]

I am not anyone to be proud of today.
I'm sorry..
But if this is how I'm going to fuck up, well I could do much worse.
I am trying to be ok.
For now I'm done pretending, I couldn't pretend if I wanted to anymore.
I want to pull everyone close to me and never let go.
And yet I can't stand to be around anyone or talk to anyone.
I'm sorry, because I resent everyone who is sad about my mom.
It sounds terrible, but it has always been the one thing that bothers me.
I understand how much my mom loves all of her 'kids' and how much they love her, but it is MY mom that is dying, and I resent the people who feel that it's there mom as well.

I thought I should come clean with that.
I still love my friends so much and I am sorry that my mind works that way.
My heart hurts a lot, that is really all there is to it.
My heart hurts and the one person who can fix it is the person I am losing.
How do you ever prepare to say goodbye to your best friend and your family?

I'm in a semi-numb daze.
Right now, I'm glad, but I know as soon as the feeling sets in again things will be bad.

I'm sorry, I really am.