twenty one
on the 19th of this month i will turn 21.
i dont know if this is a milestone for me or if i should celebrate it at all
i dont really have any desire too
all of my birthdays have been trash
maybe ill get a new tattoo
thats enough celebration for me
i feel very restless lately
like there are a million things that i should be doing
but instead i just sleep it off
i sleep the stress away
but i cant sleep at night
by the time i nod off its almost 6 am
every morning
its not to say that im not exhausted
because i am
i just cant find the peace i need to fall asleep
its frustrating
my room my house my surroundings my life
messes
its all a mess
my job at Coach was seasonal and i was informed yesterday that i will be one of the girls
that they are keeping after the seasons over
im very happy
more than happy
im flowed
im glad to have a decent job that i wouldnt mind staying at for a long time
its no career path but it will do for now
the urge to go back to school is emense
i neeeevvverrrr thought that i would be saying this or even thinking it
but i feel like i need to
for my own sake
and for the sake of others
but im sure that as soon as i took the steps to go back
as soon as i got there id want to turn back around and runaway
i dont think i could take the pressure of school
i think the emptiness i feel is due to the absence of my friends in my life
i am never home
i dont have a cell
and i basically have cut the ties between me and everyone i used to know
and at first i thought i could do without but now i see that i cant
i feel completely alone
and what happens when im gone so long that they forget about me all together?
art and i are still together
i met him on july 29 2006
and nothing has ever been the same
and i mean that in the best and the worst possible way
am i just young and impossible?
am i nieve?
is this real?
i question myself more than i question him
am i wasting my time?
is this a dead end?
but i cant ever see myself with anyone but him
sure ive had my flings
my half ass relationships
but nothing has compared to him
i know we fight and i complain
but we are consumed with so much love for one another that it makes us crazy
and i know thats no excuse but thats the truth
i pray everyday that its lovers we'll stay
i miss cody
hes been sick lately
and just like my friends
i havent been able to find time to pay him as many visits as id like
it sucks
i dont know if this is a milestone for me or if i should celebrate it at all
i dont really have any desire too
all of my birthdays have been trash
maybe ill get a new tattoo
thats enough celebration for me
i feel very restless lately
like there are a million things that i should be doing
but instead i just sleep it off
i sleep the stress away
but i cant sleep at night
by the time i nod off its almost 6 am
every morning
its not to say that im not exhausted
because i am
i just cant find the peace i need to fall asleep
its frustrating
my room my house my surroundings my life
messes
its all a mess
my job at Coach was seasonal and i was informed yesterday that i will be one of the girls
that they are keeping after the seasons over
im very happy
more than happy
im flowed
im glad to have a decent job that i wouldnt mind staying at for a long time
its no career path but it will do for now
the urge to go back to school is emense
i neeeevvverrrr thought that i would be saying this or even thinking it
but i feel like i need to
for my own sake
and for the sake of others
but im sure that as soon as i took the steps to go back
as soon as i got there id want to turn back around and runaway
i dont think i could take the pressure of school
i think the emptiness i feel is due to the absence of my friends in my life
i am never home
i dont have a cell
and i basically have cut the ties between me and everyone i used to know
and at first i thought i could do without but now i see that i cant
i feel completely alone
and what happens when im gone so long that they forget about me all together?
art and i are still together
i met him on july 29 2006
and nothing has ever been the same
and i mean that in the best and the worst possible way
am i just young and impossible?
am i nieve?
is this real?
i question myself more than i question him
am i wasting my time?
is this a dead end?
but i cant ever see myself with anyone but him
sure ive had my flings
my half ass relationships
but nothing has compared to him
i know we fight and i complain
but we are consumed with so much love for one another that it makes us crazy
and i know thats no excuse but thats the truth
i pray everyday that its lovers we'll stay
i miss cody
hes been sick lately
and just like my friends
i havent been able to find time to pay him as many visits as id like
it sucks