(no subject)
i got the job at coach :] new jobs are always fun but being around high priced bags is not so fun. seeing everyone be able to afford the things i cannot. today has been very rough. i have felt sick lately, in a way that i never have before. just out of it dizzy not myself. i dont know whats wrong with me and wish that i could figure it out. i had my emotional end of the year breakdown today, in front of wendy and peachy. my debt, my family, my friends my relationship are all taking their toll on me and i am not comfortable or happy with anything, not even myself, not even a little but. i feel like the love art used to have for me has faded and i have just become convenient for him, im good with his family, im pretty enough to walk into a room with. im enough, just enough. my self worth has completely disappeared and i have become alone. i feel like i need to sleep. like ive been running in so many circles im about to fall over, from being so dizzy and running for so long, in place. thinking im getting somewhere but than crying in the realization im only chasing myself, i wonder if everyone feels this way? if im the only one that hates mirrors? that hates the relationships that come with life. is it normal, is this lethargic feeling normal? or am i sinking again? i need some trust some solid some laughs, something, anything but any of this. i need to write i keep saying it and doing nothing about it. im lost..again..