Frustration
I lost my shoe earlier in frustration. I went to see Iron Man 3 with Mur, which turned out to be a very awesome movie. Anyway, after the movie we went to Burger King for dinner. We chose there because they have this touch-screen soda fountain with more flavors than I imagined. Raspberry Coke? Peach Mello Yello? Cherry Vanilla Coke? So we went there. We were having a conversation and I was finding it more and more difficult to come up with the words I was trying to say. It took me a while to say “fountain” to get her to turn around and go to Burger King, which we’d passed. I can’t remember all the instances now. But we were back in the car, having finished dinner, and on the way to Starbuck’s so she could use their WiFi and get online, and she noticed a huge roach in the car and started freaking out. She pulled over and got out and I took off a shoe tried to smash it. It was between the windshield and the the..part of the car that the steering wheel is hooked up to, that is above the radio. I can’t even come up with that word now! Anyway, I couldn’t get my shoe in far enough to touch it, so I used my Kindle. Immediately it started running toward the passenger door, where I was able to use my shoe on it. I smashed it a number of times, making sure it was completely taken care of. So she told me to get it out of the car. I couldn’t see it good so I tried to tell her to get the flashlight. It took some time to finally say “flashlight”. I lost it. In my frustration I yelled “I CAN”T EVEN TALK NOW!!!” and threw my shoe halfway across the parking lot. It took some time before I calmed down enough to go back to the car, by which time I realized I’d walked farther than my shoe and picked it up on my way back.
So we get to Starbuck’s, and I can’t even order what I always order. A venti mocha. I can’t come up with mocha. It’s the only thing I ever get at Starbuck’s and I can’t come up with it.
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
What the hell am I doing here?? I’m stagnating! I can’t get a job because I can’t pass an interview because I can’t speak well. So I’m 44 years old living with my parents and no income. I have to stay on one medication because I can’t afford $46 a month so I can take two. I have a disability case in court but they won’t give it to me.
I’m pathetic. Why am I even here?