Love life?
I just noticed myself behaving arrogantly (yea, yea...)! Not entirely sure what to do with the knowledge, but I'd like to try working it out with ya'll.
I was doing some free-writing and thinking about love. Placing myself into the shoes of a love lost, poor, uneducated, middle aged black woman from the early 20th century turned it into a surreal exercise. My domain of experience was constrained to a tiny isolated community, ever present fear, superstition and romanticized images of escape. Anyone who could show me hope and even come near my ideal of a compassionate man could sweep me away. Her emotions didn't seem valid to me even though I could manufacture them within the exercise! Of course love is good, but she was doing it wrong! It is better to suffer and find enlightenment than believe this emotion "love" represents some truth about reality. Other people cannot satisfy you. We want them to. We seek them out. We place our hopes and dreams in their actions. We treat them like gods. In fact, they are ridiculously malfunctioning machines. Then it occurred to me that I always discount the love other people feel. It scared me. Love is central to people's being and I don't understand what their subjective experience means to them.
One friend popped into my mind. She is probably in love right now. I thought, meh that's not real. It won't last. She doesn't see reality. Her daily actions are somewhat rationally directed but it's all towards an absurd unsustainable goal. I thought of an even closer friend and a similar affect rose into my mind. Somewhere I believe he is pursuing delusion and wasting himself on the rocks of loving commitment while falsely ascribing his actions to reason. A long stream of people drifted through my consciousness. None of them lived up to my ideal. I could tell judgment was welling up with each image. Perhaps my source of judgment was loneliness, maybe bitterness at feeling like I have to work on the ~correct~ vision alone or anger that our amazing species is going to collapse because people misunderstand the instrumental power of love.
Let's divide love and infatuation. Infatuation is entertainment. It's obsession and addiction to another person. It's temporary and the high is hard to renew as time grows on. Mutual infatuation is probably one of the most amazing bonding experiences we can ever have. It's motivating like almost no other force. It includes love and is one of its natural expressions. The love I'm talking about above is mostly the kind expressed through infatuation. It gives rise to delusion when we let it consume our subconscious to such an extent that it controls the nature of the thoughts we can work with. We become stripped of our ability to even be rational. It traps us in decisions that reinforce the crazy whims of our partners and family members (you did not have a romantic infatuation here, but it's a rare child that doesn't become hyper bonded through infantile passions).
Love is a spectrum comprised of the following: compassion, patience, empathy, affection, curiosity and optimism. Each value can be tweaked, but they must all be present. Unlike the typically black or white infatuation, you can feel a little love or a lot of love. Control over love is an option insofar as you are able to hack each value. You can direct it at whomever you please. Love helps make life worth living, but is not a terminal value. We can have it when we're alone in a room or speaking to strangers. There is probably an attainment higher than love in finding a source of tranquility within yourself that has no relation to extrinsic factors. Love should help guide our lives, but obsession with it is no different than the dependency on sadness that leads to depression.
My vision for how to use it as an instrument: Love all of humanity. Firstly, direct its expression towards yourself to learn and grow to become an object of peace. Accept that biological urges are signals not demands. They will not make you happier than mastering love itself. When infatuation naturally arises do not become attached, just enjoy it, and use it as a vehicle towards expressing your best self to the world. Do not idolize the love of one person, but use love to help reshape what everyone expects is possible from all those around us. Appreciate the information value of all emotions and dwell in the ones that inspire. Through a change of perception of the self we can have utopia now.
I'm failing at my vision for instrumental love. My whole life I've fallen into hypocrisy by becoming mad at people for complaining instead of doing, hating instead of loving, screaming instead of talking... It's still a challenge for me to appreciate myself. I either want to be execute better or have my ideas on love match reality better.
Do you agree with my vision? Why not? What are you optimizing for? Why do you think that will make you happy?
I was doing some free-writing and thinking about love. Placing myself into the shoes of a love lost, poor, uneducated, middle aged black woman from the early 20th century turned it into a surreal exercise. My domain of experience was constrained to a tiny isolated community, ever present fear, superstition and romanticized images of escape. Anyone who could show me hope and even come near my ideal of a compassionate man could sweep me away. Her emotions didn't seem valid to me even though I could manufacture them within the exercise! Of course love is good, but she was doing it wrong! It is better to suffer and find enlightenment than believe this emotion "love" represents some truth about reality. Other people cannot satisfy you. We want them to. We seek them out. We place our hopes and dreams in their actions. We treat them like gods. In fact, they are ridiculously malfunctioning machines. Then it occurred to me that I always discount the love other people feel. It scared me. Love is central to people's being and I don't understand what their subjective experience means to them.
One friend popped into my mind. She is probably in love right now. I thought, meh that's not real. It won't last. She doesn't see reality. Her daily actions are somewhat rationally directed but it's all towards an absurd unsustainable goal. I thought of an even closer friend and a similar affect rose into my mind. Somewhere I believe he is pursuing delusion and wasting himself on the rocks of loving commitment while falsely ascribing his actions to reason. A long stream of people drifted through my consciousness. None of them lived up to my ideal. I could tell judgment was welling up with each image. Perhaps my source of judgment was loneliness, maybe bitterness at feeling like I have to work on the ~correct~ vision alone or anger that our amazing species is going to collapse because people misunderstand the instrumental power of love.
Let's divide love and infatuation. Infatuation is entertainment. It's obsession and addiction to another person. It's temporary and the high is hard to renew as time grows on. Mutual infatuation is probably one of the most amazing bonding experiences we can ever have. It's motivating like almost no other force. It includes love and is one of its natural expressions. The love I'm talking about above is mostly the kind expressed through infatuation. It gives rise to delusion when we let it consume our subconscious to such an extent that it controls the nature of the thoughts we can work with. We become stripped of our ability to even be rational. It traps us in decisions that reinforce the crazy whims of our partners and family members (you did not have a romantic infatuation here, but it's a rare child that doesn't become hyper bonded through infantile passions).
Love is a spectrum comprised of the following: compassion, patience, empathy, affection, curiosity and optimism. Each value can be tweaked, but they must all be present. Unlike the typically black or white infatuation, you can feel a little love or a lot of love. Control over love is an option insofar as you are able to hack each value. You can direct it at whomever you please. Love helps make life worth living, but is not a terminal value. We can have it when we're alone in a room or speaking to strangers. There is probably an attainment higher than love in finding a source of tranquility within yourself that has no relation to extrinsic factors. Love should help guide our lives, but obsession with it is no different than the dependency on sadness that leads to depression.
My vision for how to use it as an instrument: Love all of humanity. Firstly, direct its expression towards yourself to learn and grow to become an object of peace. Accept that biological urges are signals not demands. They will not make you happier than mastering love itself. When infatuation naturally arises do not become attached, just enjoy it, and use it as a vehicle towards expressing your best self to the world. Do not idolize the love of one person, but use love to help reshape what everyone expects is possible from all those around us. Appreciate the information value of all emotions and dwell in the ones that inspire. Through a change of perception of the self we can have utopia now.
I'm failing at my vision for instrumental love. My whole life I've fallen into hypocrisy by becoming mad at people for complaining instead of doing, hating instead of loving, screaming instead of talking... It's still a challenge for me to appreciate myself. I either want to be execute better or have my ideas on love match reality better.
Do you agree with my vision? Why not? What are you optimizing for? Why do you think that will make you happy?