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[pozorvlak]

Last night I was re-watching The IT Crowd S3E4. It was one of my favourite episodes, and I still think it's beautifully constructed, but I found it a bit... squirmier this time round. For those who haven't seen it, one of the main characters meets a woman, invites her to dinner, then asks her to go to bed with him. She tells him that she's trans ("

Comments

[jamiethegrey]

My partner pointed me at this, I hope you don't mind.

I think that bit from the IT Crowd is pretty despicable. It's easy to make a cheap joke using a trans woman as the butt of it, and the more they continue, the more they perpetuate discrimination against trans women. It essentially implies that there's something wrong with being trans (or why would the man freak out about it) and that trans people are obliged to disclose their history (and if they don't, well he has the right to freak out about it).

As a trans man, who is gay, I find that I do feel apologetic about my body often, especially in situations where I'm flirting with a cis man who is also gay and realise suddenly that the kind of cock he likes isn't the kind of cock I have. I have a level of internalised transphobia that makes me feel like I am deceiving people in pretending to have a body I don't have, when in actuality I am not deceiving anyone - I am a man and there is nothing wrong with stating that in any situation. As a woman who was post lower surgery I believe she had no obligation whatsoever to tell him and was very brave in doing so.

I've never really been in a position to tell a romantic/sexual partner about my trans status, since in all the relationships I've had since I came out, my partner was aware before we got into a relationship. I'm aware that at the moment I don't have a lot of choice, since although strangers tend to see me as male, I still have breasts and a vagina (although that terminology sickens me, and I prefer to refer to them as my chest and fronthole). I would prefer not to have to disclose and when I have had lower surgery that may or may not be an option.

I see nothing deceitful in not disclosing a trans history, because often it isn't especially relevant to the person in the present. There is the child issue, but plenty of people are infertile for numerous reasons and that can be disclosed without mentioning anything trans related.

[pozorvlak]

Thank you for posting this. I wasn't sure about the courtship montage: while it is stereotyping, it's also pretty obvious that they're a well-matched couple, and I personally like women who are into stereotypically "male" stuff. So, the fact that you hated it is useful data. And thank you for the rest, which was very informative. I'm sorry you feel so apologetic - good luck with fixing that, and good luck with the lower surgery when you have it.

[jamiethegrey]

No worries! I just thought the post looked worth a good length reply :)