(no subject)
Last night I was re-watching The IT Crowd S3E4. It was one of my favourite episodes, and I still think it's beautifully constructed, but I found it a bit... squirmier this time round. For those who haven't seen it, one of the main characters meets a woman, invites her to dinner, then asks her to go to bed with him. She tells him that she's trans ("I used to be a man - I wish there were an easy way to say that, but believe me, there isn't.") and he says "I don't care. Takes all sorts to make a world." Cue romantic courtship montage: they get drunk, eat pizza and watch the darts, she beats him at arm-wrestling, she astonishes him with her prowess in bed and detailed understanding of the male anatomy, she teaches him to shoot pool, she beats him in a lager-drinking contest, they go to the football together, and so on. Then one night they're in bed together, tell each other that they love each other for the first time, and he says "And to think you were worried about telling me you were from Iran!" Turns out he misheard, they break up, they get into a fist-fight in a chemistry lab, throw each other through walls and into racks of glassware, and end up destroying the Internet and causing the collapse of society... but that's another story.
A beautiful relationship ruined by transphobia and prejudice. How sad.
Thing is, though, she was really apologetic when she first told him, and was worried that he'd feel deceived. Half-way through their first date, remember. It seems to me that, while she's probably sensible to worry about a potential adverse reaction, (a) she has no need to apologise for having done something difficult, expensive and brave, (b) she could hardly have told him much earlier.
And then I log on this morning, check my friends page, and discover that one of those godawful LJ Writer's Block suggestions recently was Regardless of your sexual identity/orientation, would you be upset if a long-term romantic partner neglected to tell you that s/he'd had a sex change operation before you met, and why?
Funny how these coincidences happen.
[You can't see the question any more: they wimped out and changed it to one about partners who'd committed serious crimes in the past.]
Anyway, there are a couple of transfolk who read this blog, and plenty of people who are more clued-up about trans culture and trans rights than me, so I'd like to ask: at what stage (if ever) do you tell potential romantic or sexual partners about your trans status? What do you say, and what kind of reactions have you had? If you weren't to tell them (and I guess I'm directing this at the postops) would they be able to tell? Please feel free to comment anonymously if you'd rather.
For the record: if I discovered that someone I was sleeping with was trans, it would probably freak me out a little bit, but that would be my problem, not hers, and I'd work to get past it. I'd really like to have kids some day, which could be an issue.
A beautiful relationship ruined by transphobia and prejudice. How sad.
Thing is, though, she was really apologetic when she first told him, and was worried that he'd feel deceived. Half-way through their first date, remember. It seems to me that, while she's probably sensible to worry about a potential adverse reaction, (a) she has no need to apologise for having done something difficult, expensive and brave, (b) she could hardly have told him much earlier.
And then I log on this morning, check my friends page, and discover that one of those godawful LJ Writer's Block suggestions recently was Regardless of your sexual identity/orientation, would you be upset if a long-term romantic partner neglected to tell you that s/he'd had a sex change operation before you met, and why?
Funny how these coincidences happen.
[You can't see the question any more: they wimped out and changed it to one about partners who'd committed serious crimes in the past.]
Anyway, there are a couple of transfolk who read this blog, and plenty of people who are more clued-up about trans culture and trans rights than me, so I'd like to ask: at what stage (if ever) do you tell potential romantic or sexual partners about your trans status? What do you say, and what kind of reactions have you had? If you weren't to tell them (and I guess I'm directing this at the postops) would they be able to tell? Please feel free to comment anonymously if you'd rather.
For the record: if I discovered that someone I was sleeping with was trans, it would probably freak me out a little bit, but that would be my problem, not hers, and I'd work to get past it. I'd really like to have kids some day, which could be an issue.