(no subject)
it's me again!
life's been really, really difficult since i've last updated. that's probably why i've been gone. i have a tendency to disappear whenever things get really painful. i know that it's probably not the best thing to do, but i'm working on it.
i had a clash with alcoholism. nothing too serious, but potentially serious. i was pulled out of it just before it really tipped over. my spirituality was affected in lots of nasty ways. i like to think that it's now a lot stronger than it was prior to my stumbling. it's unfortunate that it happened the way it did, but i've always believed that god/dess gives us the freedom to not only make mistakes but learn from them, if only we let ourselves. sometimes forgiving self is the hardest.
on a lighter note, i'm almost *crosses fingers* ready to begin hormone therapy. things have been progressing roughly, but still moving forward nonetheless.
***
as far as religion goes, i'm beginning to settle into the episcopal church. i know that i've said before that i'm becoming catholic, but right now that would require me to be either be a hypocrite or sacrifice so much of what i've learned from (i believe) God. i've pretty much been told that i can't be myself and be a "true" catholic at the same time. i've been told that a liberal catholic isn't a true catholic. if i were make public the fact that i'm transgendered i wouldn't be allowed to take communion, despite the long and difficult journey it's been to accept the fact that God accepts me as daughter. believing that priests can be women makes me "arrogant" or "rebellious" or "mistaken." sometimes i wish that i can talk to the pope. but not with words. i just want him to look in my eyes. i want him to see the pain that words can never tell. i love her (the church), and always will. but faking myself in order to be in the church's good graces shows both her and myself complete disrespect.
i know that there are several devout catholics who read my journal, and i apologize if any of this is difficult to read. it's just something that i feel the need to get out.
that's all for now.
life's been really, really difficult since i've last updated. that's probably why i've been gone. i have a tendency to disappear whenever things get really painful. i know that it's probably not the best thing to do, but i'm working on it.
i had a clash with alcoholism. nothing too serious, but potentially serious. i was pulled out of it just before it really tipped over. my spirituality was affected in lots of nasty ways. i like to think that it's now a lot stronger than it was prior to my stumbling. it's unfortunate that it happened the way it did, but i've always believed that god/dess gives us the freedom to not only make mistakes but learn from them, if only we let ourselves. sometimes forgiving self is the hardest.
on a lighter note, i'm almost *crosses fingers* ready to begin hormone therapy. things have been progressing roughly, but still moving forward nonetheless.
***
as far as religion goes, i'm beginning to settle into the episcopal church. i know that i've said before that i'm becoming catholic, but right now that would require me to be either be a hypocrite or sacrifice so much of what i've learned from (i believe) God. i've pretty much been told that i can't be myself and be a "true" catholic at the same time. i've been told that a liberal catholic isn't a true catholic. if i were make public the fact that i'm transgendered i wouldn't be allowed to take communion, despite the long and difficult journey it's been to accept the fact that God accepts me as daughter. believing that priests can be women makes me "arrogant" or "rebellious" or "mistaken." sometimes i wish that i can talk to the pope. but not with words. i just want him to look in my eyes. i want him to see the pain that words can never tell. i love her (the church), and always will. but faking myself in order to be in the church's good graces shows both her and myself complete disrespect.
i know that there are several devout catholics who read my journal, and i apologize if any of this is difficult to read. it's just something that i feel the need to get out.
that's all for now.