I don't want to see tomorrow.

[poulet60299]

So I thought I would journal this; this meaning my feelings, now. Because, I have nobody else to go to, nobody cares. I mean does anybody even really care? Probably not. I feel suicidal right now, like I don't feel the urge to end my life but I feel like this isn't my life. Like I want to run away from my house for the night and go stay somewhere

Comments

[anonymous]

It's me again, the nice person giving you feedback. I hope things are better for you. I have a huge amount of empathy for you. I'm a much older person, and actually will be retiring from working in about 4 years. I thank god I've had a pretty wonderful career and family. But, in my twenties, I had a really difficult time for a while getting motivated. I would do ridiculous stuff like not take library books back to the library because I just couldn't get the motivation, so would have to pay huge fines. And that's when I really had no money except for what my parents gave me. I had a hard time getting a job because I wouldn't get off my butt to get one, anything, and I just didn't want to do much but hang around, read books, play Scrabble, and drink with my friends. Once I had to start working, I saw the necessity of getting a solid professional degree, which was difficult since I had to work as well as continue my schooling. But, once I started doing that, I felt so much better about myself. So much. But it was hard. I don't think I really became an adult until I was around 28 or 29 and then got my first good job at age 30 after bouncing around a while with crappy jobs. Give it some time. But, you know, the one thing you can do is start setting a few small goals for yourself. Make a large goals, but some smaller ones that will lead to the larger one. Working for a huge goal (degree/job) can sometimes seem daunting, so daunting that it's easier to go back to sleep or back into the bottle, or the dope, or whatever. Also, start getting a little exercise. That's the best thing for your probable depression. Stay away from medication unless you're really really down. It sounds kind of dorky, but good food, exercise, fresh air, and meaningful activities are the best things for you. I'm not a grandma yet, but that's an older person's best advice.