Hrmmm...
Well, last night, I was finally able to talk to Tanya. While I was very glad to be able to talk to her again, it didn't go that well, I think. We spoke for about 2 hours, but it seemed longer. You see, I don't think Tanya was really in the mood to talk, which is ok. I mean, there are times when I'm not in the mood to talk. It's just that it was a bit disheartening.
I mean, I think she called because on AIM, I told her that I was thinking that I may have become persona non grata with her. So I think she called in order to assuage that idea. But the fact that she wasn't in the mood to talk didn't do much to assuage that idea. Perhaps, I am taking a long shot here, and perhaps this is just the after affects of my mistrust of people after Hollie, but I hate it when people play politics with friendships.
Hollie used to do that all the time. Although I was under the impression that Hollie really wanted to talk to me every time we talked on the phone, I learned later that much of the time, she talked on the phone to me just because she felt that she had to, or that she felt that she had to be polite. That killed me. If people don't really want to talk to me, I would rather have them tell me and not talk to me than to pretend that they want to talk to me even though they are not really in the mood.
I don't know. Maybe, I just need to learn to trust people again, but that is such a big risk fraught with dangers on both sides. I think that the best policy would be to build the walls that Hollie tore down bigger, talller, deeper, stronger, and more fortified than ever.
I think that deep down, that is why I don't talk to Autumn. I mean, why should I? She's leaving in less than a week. She's going back to Austin, probably has an ongoing relationship already, and I'm probably never going to see her again, so why even take the risk? No, I am not going to put myself in that vulnerable a position where I can be hurt, ever again. Some folks may go through an experience like that and come out burnt, but willing to take the risk again. Not me. Not me.
Hollie was wrong when she said that she's ruined me. She hasn't ruined me. Ruin implies that there is something to rebuild on. No, she hasn't ruined me. She completely obliterated me, which comes with the implication that there is nothing on which to rebuild.
I mean, I think she called because on AIM, I told her that I was thinking that I may have become persona non grata with her. So I think she called in order to assuage that idea. But the fact that she wasn't in the mood to talk didn't do much to assuage that idea. Perhaps, I am taking a long shot here, and perhaps this is just the after affects of my mistrust of people after Hollie, but I hate it when people play politics with friendships.
Hollie used to do that all the time. Although I was under the impression that Hollie really wanted to talk to me every time we talked on the phone, I learned later that much of the time, she talked on the phone to me just because she felt that she had to, or that she felt that she had to be polite. That killed me. If people don't really want to talk to me, I would rather have them tell me and not talk to me than to pretend that they want to talk to me even though they are not really in the mood.
I don't know. Maybe, I just need to learn to trust people again, but that is such a big risk fraught with dangers on both sides. I think that the best policy would be to build the walls that Hollie tore down bigger, talller, deeper, stronger, and more fortified than ever.
I think that deep down, that is why I don't talk to Autumn. I mean, why should I? She's leaving in less than a week. She's going back to Austin, probably has an ongoing relationship already, and I'm probably never going to see her again, so why even take the risk? No, I am not going to put myself in that vulnerable a position where I can be hurt, ever again. Some folks may go through an experience like that and come out burnt, but willing to take the risk again. Not me. Not me.
Hollie was wrong when she said that she's ruined me. She hasn't ruined me. Ruin implies that there is something to rebuild on. No, she hasn't ruined me. She completely obliterated me, which comes with the implication that there is nothing on which to rebuild.