3542: Daughter of An Outcast series - Elizabeth Rose Black
It's tme for Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. The Thirteenth Annual Pottersue Contest is open for submissions. I'm trying a new way of determining the winner based on the fact we can now see Follows and Favorites.
Today's link of the day is Are you my mummy?
TITLE: Daughter of an Outcast: A Father and Daughter of An Outcast: A Threat
PERPETRATOR: mily.alice
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: None. The writer doesn't even have an avatar.
SUMMARY:”My name is Elizabeth Rose Black, and for twelve years, I've had no father. Everything is about to change, and I'm not sure my mind is ready for it. SEQUAL IS NOW UP Titled "A Threat"” and ”Something is coming...that's what the man in her dream says...something is coming. But what? Why can't Lizzie shake the uneasy feeling that seems to cling to the air? And more importantly, why the hell does Severus Snape want to see her in the dungeon before class? And she thought OWLs were enough to worry over. **Sequel to A FATHER!** ***Set in Goblet of Fire***”
FULL NAME: Elizabeth Rose Black
SPECIES: Sirius Black's daughter
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: She's got an uncle Moony. Fred and George pretty much give Elizabeth the map instead of Harry. That's rather odd because if she has the story from Remus she should also know Harry's dad was part of the group. I'm also bothered by OCs taking things which are supposed to end up belonging to a canon character instead. Her wand is “thirteen inches, maple, quite whipy, with a unicorn hair core.” We also find out “it takes about five tries before a wand finally chooses me. (Why do writers add this detail? It doesn't really show a positive or negative qualit for the character, so it neither makes them special or gives them a fatal flaw.) “I open the box and let the contents fall in my hand. It's a large silver pin, glittering in the light of the Great Hall. Four animals sit together in a huddled group. A wolf on the left a stag on the right, upon whose shoulder sits a rat, and in the center is a large dog, almost as big as the stag, with bright green emerald incrusted in its eyes.” This is a gift from Remus. She shares a dorm room with Katie so for a bit I thought she was in the same year, but as I thought when I looked back at the first chapter it's noted that the girls are actually older.
CONNECTION TO CANON: She knows about the Marauders map, and ends up making friends with Fred and George because of this. (Sort of. It kind of seems like she's just meeting Fred and George, but she's been here for an entire year as there is mention of Ginny being pulled from the Chamber of Secrets. It also mentions it is supposed to be her second year. Things feel a bit to distant.) Over the summer Sirius Black escapes and she hears overhears conversations between her mother and Remus. She gets into a fight with her mother and even yells at Remus. (I'm a little bothered by how she's acting.) Her mother suddenly out of the blue also reveals Sirius wasn't the secret keeper. (That's a rather convenient piece of evidence which would keep your daughters father out of prison, and it also brings up the question of why said mother wasn't talking about how innocent Sirius was. I also realize that I'm bothered because the Sue is supposed to be almost thirteen if not already thirteen.)
ORIGIN: She's the daughter of Sirius Black who almost got sent to Beauxbatons. She gets to go to Howarts because “It takes a long time, and many tantrums, but when my Hogwarts letter arrives, I am finally able to convince her to let me go to Hogwarts.” Remus helps to convince her mother, but I'm under the impression her mother was either to dead set about her going, or the fact her mother didn’t' want her to go is exaggerated. She also still uses the word “mummy” by the time she's eleven. Remus tells her about the map.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Scratch the whole bit about still calling her mother “mummy” at age eleven. She's at least twelve, and almost thirteen. (At least I think she is. Some of the things in this fic are rather confusing.) Remus is also close to her mother. (On top of the fact he's a werewolf there is also the fact her mother was trying to distance herself from the memory of Sirius.) At eleven to twelve she shows her uncle Remus a picture she drew of Hogwarts like she's a kindergarden child. Says one review “I also want to commend you for your for the most part accurate portrayal of panic attacks (though i did feel that this most recent one was a bit abrupt to end.”
NOTES: The writing itself isn't bad at first. The main problem is the logic, and the fact the Sue doesn't act her age. The Sue's rather spoiled, and she grates on my nerves with the way she doesn't act her age. I honestly couldn't get past the second chapter of the first story.
SAMPLE:
My name is Elizabeth Rose Black. I haven't got a father. At least, that's what my mother has always told me. She always said that my father was lost to us in the war against Voldemort. I was only two years old when it happened, so I have nothing more than a few old pictures and a couple of vague dreams to remember him by. We live in the same house that he built thirteen years ago, when my parents married.
We don't socialize much with other wizards in Britain, except on the occasion that we go into Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade. They're both brilliant, beautiful places, but I love going into Hogsmeade the most. If I stand on the hill that leads to the Shrieking Shack, I can see almost all of Hogwarts castle, with its high towers and glittering windows. My mum's twin brother has told me endless stories of their time at Hogwarts, from its secret passageways to its giant feasts.
Every time we go into Hogsmeade, I ask the same question.
"Mummy, when will I go to Hogwarts?"
"When you're elven, darling," she always smiles.
When I'm nine, her answer changes. She looks down at me, stroking my hair, and smiles, "I think you might rather go to Beauxbatons, sweetheart."
I stop in my tracks in the middle of the Cobblestone path, "What? Mummy, no! Why?"
"Beauxbatons is a nice school, darling. It's very pretty and has plenty of great teachers," We've just returned from France, and even though the school is very nice, it's certainly no Hogwarts.
"Mummy, is it because of what that mean man said? The one with the black hair and robes?" I ask, thinking of the last time we were here and went into the apothecary.
"Snape?" she clips warily, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me to the side of the cobbled street, "What did he say to you? Elizabeth, what did he say?"
"Nothing, Mummy!" I answer urgently. She sounds a little hysterical, and she looks scared, very scared, "It wasn't important."
She takes a deep breath and hugs me, "Please tell me what he said, sweetheart."
"He said that I looked too much like Daddy for my own good. And he sneered. Was that man a Slytherin, Mummy? Is that why he didn't like Daddy?"
Mum smiles at me, "Yes, darling. That's why."
"But that doesn't matter, Mummy. It's okay. They're just Slytherins. I can still go to Hogwarts!"
Today's link of the day is Are you my mummy?
TITLE: Daughter of an Outcast: A Father and Daughter of An Outcast: A Threat
PERPETRATOR: mily.alice
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: None. The writer doesn't even have an avatar.
SUMMARY:”My name is Elizabeth Rose Black, and for twelve years, I've had no father. Everything is about to change, and I'm not sure my mind is ready for it. SEQUAL IS NOW UP Titled "A Threat"” and ”Something is coming...that's what the man in her dream says...something is coming. But what? Why can't Lizzie shake the uneasy feeling that seems to cling to the air? And more importantly, why the hell does Severus Snape want to see her in the dungeon before class? And she thought OWLs were enough to worry over. **Sequel to A FATHER!** ***Set in Goblet of Fire***”
FULL NAME: Elizabeth Rose Black
SPECIES: Sirius Black's daughter
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: She's got an uncle Moony. Fred and George pretty much give Elizabeth the map instead of Harry. That's rather odd because if she has the story from Remus she should also know Harry's dad was part of the group. I'm also bothered by OCs taking things which are supposed to end up belonging to a canon character instead. Her wand is “thirteen inches, maple, quite whipy, with a unicorn hair core.” We also find out “it takes about five tries before a wand finally chooses me. (Why do writers add this detail? It doesn't really show a positive or negative qualit for the character, so it neither makes them special or gives them a fatal flaw.) “I open the box and let the contents fall in my hand. It's a large silver pin, glittering in the light of the Great Hall. Four animals sit together in a huddled group. A wolf on the left a stag on the right, upon whose shoulder sits a rat, and in the center is a large dog, almost as big as the stag, with bright green emerald incrusted in its eyes.” This is a gift from Remus. She shares a dorm room with Katie so for a bit I thought she was in the same year, but as I thought when I looked back at the first chapter it's noted that the girls are actually older.
CONNECTION TO CANON: She knows about the Marauders map, and ends up making friends with Fred and George because of this. (Sort of. It kind of seems like she's just meeting Fred and George, but she's been here for an entire year as there is mention of Ginny being pulled from the Chamber of Secrets. It also mentions it is supposed to be her second year. Things feel a bit to distant.) Over the summer Sirius Black escapes and she hears overhears conversations between her mother and Remus. She gets into a fight with her mother and even yells at Remus. (I'm a little bothered by how she's acting.) Her mother suddenly out of the blue also reveals Sirius wasn't the secret keeper. (That's a rather convenient piece of evidence which would keep your daughters father out of prison, and it also brings up the question of why said mother wasn't talking about how innocent Sirius was. I also realize that I'm bothered because the Sue is supposed to be almost thirteen if not already thirteen.)
ORIGIN: She's the daughter of Sirius Black who almost got sent to Beauxbatons. She gets to go to Howarts because “It takes a long time, and many tantrums, but when my Hogwarts letter arrives, I am finally able to convince her to let me go to Hogwarts.” Remus helps to convince her mother, but I'm under the impression her mother was either to dead set about her going, or the fact her mother didn’t' want her to go is exaggerated. She also still uses the word “mummy” by the time she's eleven. Remus tells her about the map.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Scratch the whole bit about still calling her mother “mummy” at age eleven. She's at least twelve, and almost thirteen. (At least I think she is. Some of the things in this fic are rather confusing.) Remus is also close to her mother. (On top of the fact he's a werewolf there is also the fact her mother was trying to distance herself from the memory of Sirius.) At eleven to twelve she shows her uncle Remus a picture she drew of Hogwarts like she's a kindergarden child. Says one review “I also want to commend you for your for the most part accurate portrayal of panic attacks (though i did feel that this most recent one was a bit abrupt to end.”
NOTES: The writing itself isn't bad at first. The main problem is the logic, and the fact the Sue doesn't act her age. The Sue's rather spoiled, and she grates on my nerves with the way she doesn't act her age. I honestly couldn't get past the second chapter of the first story.
SAMPLE:
My name is Elizabeth Rose Black. I haven't got a father. At least, that's what my mother has always told me. She always said that my father was lost to us in the war against Voldemort. I was only two years old when it happened, so I have nothing more than a few old pictures and a couple of vague dreams to remember him by. We live in the same house that he built thirteen years ago, when my parents married.
We don't socialize much with other wizards in Britain, except on the occasion that we go into Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade. They're both brilliant, beautiful places, but I love going into Hogsmeade the most. If I stand on the hill that leads to the Shrieking Shack, I can see almost all of Hogwarts castle, with its high towers and glittering windows. My mum's twin brother has told me endless stories of their time at Hogwarts, from its secret passageways to its giant feasts.
Every time we go into Hogsmeade, I ask the same question.
"Mummy, when will I go to Hogwarts?"
"When you're elven, darling," she always smiles.
When I'm nine, her answer changes. She looks down at me, stroking my hair, and smiles, "I think you might rather go to Beauxbatons, sweetheart."
I stop in my tracks in the middle of the Cobblestone path, "What? Mummy, no! Why?"
"Beauxbatons is a nice school, darling. It's very pretty and has plenty of great teachers," We've just returned from France, and even though the school is very nice, it's certainly no Hogwarts.
"Mummy, is it because of what that mean man said? The one with the black hair and robes?" I ask, thinking of the last time we were here and went into the apothecary.
"Snape?" she clips warily, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me to the side of the cobbled street, "What did he say to you? Elizabeth, what did he say?"
"Nothing, Mummy!" I answer urgently. She sounds a little hysterical, and she looks scared, very scared, "It wasn't important."
She takes a deep breath and hugs me, "Please tell me what he said, sweetheart."
"He said that I looked too much like Daddy for my own good. And he sneered. Was that man a Slytherin, Mummy? Is that why he didn't like Daddy?"
Mum smiles at me, "Yes, darling. That's why."
"But that doesn't matter, Mummy. It's okay. They're just Slytherins. I can still go to Hogwarts!"