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[pottersues]

Sorry for the delay. Here is day four of “All In the Summary” week. The name is actually in the title and not the summary, but that combined with the actual summaries contents made me decide to include it with this week.

TITLE: Eva Winters
PERPETRATOR: shadowkat678
SUE-O-METER:

Comments

[anonymous]

It doesn't seem anything like what you said.

I see cover art, it has a lot of backstory, it explains a lot more then it seems that you said it does...are you sure this deserves a toxic? I also like the writing and how she doesn't focus on making them all feel bad for Eva. It actually shows a lot of time and effort put into it. Maybe it has been updated? Either way maybe you should go back and reread. It seems like she has taken any extra summary out, has taken the list out, and has fixed a whole lot of the spelling mistakes. As for the she must be really young, a lot of grown ups even are horrible spellers. She has taken out the part about her mom being kicked out. There a whole lot of good description and imagery as well. All the OCs seem pretty well balanced in my opinion, and I have read a whole lot of fanfiction.

I know if it was my story I would be mad if something like this was out there when I had put all that effort into making it better. I read her comments and I agree on some of the points she made, even if it could have been a little bit better with how it was worded. I looked in her fav list and it seems she deleted the fav. As for one of the reviewers saying that the wished no one wrote in first person, I find it a interesting way to write. You don't just see the outside, but from the characters prospective. It makes it a lot more detailed in my opinion and is a great way to get inside the characters head.

I don't see where she sits in her moms lap either, I guess that was edited as well. Also, now it seems as if she is actually asking for critics. Its interesting how she openly admitted to being defensive and I admire this writer for asking for help on getting better at taking this type of reviewing. I really think you should go back and look. I found this site the other day and instead of just putting in all the bad things maybe you could add things to help the author improve on their story's. It would make a lot more sense to me anyway, but your site, so you can do whatever.

[pottersues]

Let me make it clear that I know you're the same person who made the comment here.

http://pottersues.livejournal.com/850144.html?thread=71787744#t71787744

Thus I know you're the writer trying to pretend she's someone else. I also know because you are the writer that you know full well the whole sitting in the lap thing was there as you are the writer. I also know that you didn't find this site the other day, you found it almost a month ago. If you're telling us that "its interesting how she openly admitted to being defensive and I admire this writer for asking for help on getting better at taking this type of reviewing" you're also lying, because if this were true you wouldn't be trying to be someone else.

Believe me... I do have a way of knowing its the same person making comments despite said comments being anonymous. Let me also make it clear that doing a complete rewrite of the story doesn't negate the criticism recieved before said story was rewritten, though majorly rewriting it like you have is a good thing.

[afleur_de_lis]

I seriously think that you should stop trying to cause drama on this journal and on FFN. Not only are you making users on this journal uncomfortable about expressing their opinions freely, but you're also making users on FFN uncomfortable as well.

You don't take critique very well. That much is seen, not only on FFN but also on this thread. I do see improvements in your own personal character, but you still can't take critique. It is not a personal attack on you or your story... it is readers and other writers that can see potential in your writing offering you a chance to improve yourself.

Fact is, without critique, you will never make it as a writer. Personally making it a mission to destroy those with an opinion is doing you more harm than good.

Word spreads quickly on the internet, you know?

I think that it is a very good thing that you are rewriting and making changes to the story. However, there are gaping plot holes in the story and your characters are in need of serious development, especially your main female. Other than that, the story is on its way of being a very great one.

[yemi_hikari]

I know if it was my story I would be mad if something like this was out there when I had put all that effort into making it better.

As you've already been told by pottersues there is a way for her to tell if anonymous comments are left by the same person, so we know that this particular story is your story. Why are you so insistent that past critique of your work should be edited, maybe even deleted just because you don't like the fact it exists? Not only do you not have the right to make such demands we have had other writers who have handled finding their stories here a lot more maturely and never threw a gasket about the fact the entries still existed after they improved their work.

The points you made before are still bad points. A lot of the critique still stands even though you have improved the story.

As for one of the reviewers saying that the wished no one wrote in first person, I find it a interesting way to write. You don't just see the outside, but from the characters prospective. It makes it a lot more detailed in my opinion and is a great way to get inside the characters head.

I actually have a different way of telling that you're the writer then Pottersues does. If you weren't the writer you wouldn't know that one of the reviewers told the writer not to write in first person as the discussion about not writing in first person did not occur in an actual review but via PM exchange. I know because I have our PM exchange saved to a word document and here is the exact exchange we had at that particular point in the conversation.

"They change point so you can see more then one angle, it's called getting prospective, it's a writers tool and very hard to use correctly. "

I believe you mean "it's called getting perspective". If you don't know how to use it correctly then write in third person narrative. The point of first person point of view is to actually limit the perspective and what the reader sees and there was no reason for you to change perspective at that point in time.

Not only did you use “prospective” in both the PM and the anonymous comment instead of “perspective”, I did tell you something along the lines of not writing in first person, but I never said ”I wished that no one wrote in first person.” For your information I have written in first person point of view for a few of my stories. My issue is actually writers not using first person narrative correctly.

Contrary to what you say, first person narrative only shows things from the one character's point of view and doesn't show the outside at all. First person perspective is also less detailed then third person narrative as it is limited to the one characters point of view. While it is true that first person point of view is a great way of getting into the character's head, this only works if the character isn't two dimensional characterization wise. There is also a down side to this. First person narrative can put in characterization aspects that the writer did not intend if said writer does not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

[afleur_de_lis]

I tend to find that first person narrative is extremely hard to do sometimes. Not only because you have to get into the head of the character, but also to keep that character persistent throughout. Out of all the first person stories that I have read on FFN, only a small percent are perfectly written.

However, that small percent only consists of two original characters and their viewpoint. Read a beautiful story on FFN where an original character was fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and they described the horrors of war precisely. However, the author even included moments where the character was in the presence of Harry and his friends and the feelings evoked when she learned of Harry's death at the hand of Voldemort. It was in first person and was written great.

This story here, needs to be worked on in that regard. At least a bit more than the author has it.

[yemi_hikari]

You really want to pick and choose when you use it. Many writers use it because they see other writers using it or because they mistakenly think first person makes it easier to get into the characters head not realizing that the reason it seems easy is because its not really getting into the characters heads but their owns. Sometimes you end up learning things about the writer you really don't want to know.