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[pottersues]

Here is day one of “All in the Summary” where the name of the Sue is in the summary. No, I'm not counting yesterdays entry in with this weeks. That also said, I'm hoping the entries are more interesting then yesterdays.

TITLE: Gypsy Magic: The Yoska Freska Chronicles
PERPETRATOR: Kami2015
SUE-O-METER:

Comments

Re: The Suethor Strikes Back

[kami2016]

I'm seeing your point on the muggleborn issue. *Spoilers for unwritten content* I would probably classify him as closer to half-blood in hindsight. This hasn't been written yet so there was no way you could have known but Yoska's father is a muggle with a squib for a mother. On Yoska's mother's side, it's a bit more complicated. I have read heavily implied that the women in his family are uncannily clairvoyant(which I had established as a branch of Romani magic). The idea was that Yoska's mother was a descendant of the original Romani wizards. She can't really use magic, but I would say that the potential was there. I honestly don't know what that would make Yoska, though I think your right with the classification of half-blood.
Calling his magic totally unique is also wrong on my part. Basically Romani/Gypsy magic was designed as a largely forgotten branch of magic. I had forgotten that their were examples of wandless magic while developing the idea. I shall be keeping this criticism in mind as I elaborate on the idea in future chapters, I'm actually preparing to release a sequel story once this original run is complete and I will be sure to work on better connecting it to the larger canon. So I'll go on record here; Romani magic is not racially exclusive and Romani wizards can learn to use a wand. I do intend to go back and correct his and wi be reffering to this page when I do.
As for Yoska returning home for the holidays, well he actually doesn't. As bad as this sounds from a registered suethor, he actually travels parts of Europe looking for scraps of information about his wizarding ancestors. In my story, the founding of Hogwarts is connected to a war waged between the Romani Sorcerers and the wizards of Europe. Long story short, the Romani lost and were wiped out. Essentially Yoska sees himself as the inheritor of that tradition. So he actually hasn't been home since he was ten years old (his family actually kicked him out) and once he was old enough (like 13ish) he began looking for information about his ancestors around Europe. His relation with his family is quite strained, something that I should have at least mentioned during the early chapters, hell even a throwaway line would have cleared this all up.
Thank you for your criticism, honestly I am very happy to have found this page. Many of you made such awesome points that I wish that I could pick your brains for more ways to improve my story. This blog is wonderful!
I actually have an original story I wrote like two years ago. The first four chapters are kind of rough and I've never received real criticism for them. I plan on finishing it and I would love it if you would consider giving this the same comb over as this story. You're an awesome critic!

Re: The Suethor Strikes Back

[yemi_hikari]

Sounds like you're in a similar boat I am for some of my earlier works. I made the mistake of not revealing things when I should, or how I should have. Rewriting isn't a bad idea - particularly when you do have a good idea like you do. The best time to do it though is when you feel you're absolutely ready to do it.