0027: Karlina and Draco - Karlina Fanteno
I really do need to start working through that backlog... but I couldn't resist a look at the current state of the Pit of Voles... somebody needs to make a Vole-O-Meter to measure the badness of the current crop of fanfics. The levels would be something like: 'Harmless', 'Annoying', 'Painful', and 'Kill It Quickly Before It Breeds'.
Anyway, I told myself that if I couldn't find a fic on the front page that would rate at the very least a 'Painful', I'd start into the backlog, and... well, we can all see where this is going. Meet Karlina, the Hawaiian Wizard Resort Sue. I'm dead serious.
TITLE: Karlina and Draco
PERPETRATOR: Renee
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Karlina Fanteno
SPECIES: Human/Witch, but has never learned magic
HAIR: "long brown hair"
EYES: Not described
MARKINGS: None mentioned
POSESSIONS: None mentioned
ORIGIN: Her father's a wizard and her mother a Muggle, and the two of them own the only Wizard-run hotel in Hawaii. You still don't believe me, do you? Karlina has, however, never recieved any magic training, because her parents don't want her to be in danger from... um... somebody named 'Voltimor,' whoever that is. Anybody else see the basic oxymoron here?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Check out the title, will you?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None so far.
NOTES: We've got an instance of Pepper Jack in this story - the author describes our Sueoine listening to 50 Cent.
Beyond that... well, I have to give the author points for originality. I've never encountered a Hawaiian wizard hotel owning surfing Sue before. This does not make the story any less revolting, but it's significantly better than the standard 'transfer student to Hogwarts' scenario.
*sigh*
SAMPLE:
Karlina's mom and dad owned a small Hotel on the island of Maui in Hawaii. Mostly only witches and wizards came to stay at the hotel even though Karlina's mother was a muggle. Mr. Fanteno had met her in a muggle dance club and didn't care that she wasn't a witch. Maui Paradise was the only hotel on the island that was owned by someone in the magical world, so even wizards who didn't believe in mixed marriages between worlds were forced to stay there if they wanted to be able to use magic. Karlina's mother didn't want Karlina to grow up and become a witch especially since Voltimor had come back. But Karlina's father wanted his only child more then anything to learn magic. Karlina's mother had won the battle so far, Karlina was already 16 and hadn't learned any magic.
"Karlina wake up," yelled her mother (Sarah Fanteno)
"K mom be down in a minute." Karlina jumped out of bed and put on her maid uniform. Every summer her parents made her work as a maid in the hotel, but Karlina didn't mind because her parents paid her the normal salary and she needed the money. Karlina quickly pulled her long brown hair into a messy bun and ran down stairs to eat a quick breakfast before she had to go and clean the rooms.
"Good morning mom. Good morning Dad."
"Good morning honey," said Sarah.
"Didn't your alarm go off?" Asked her father (Samuel Fanteno)
"I kinda forgot to set it. Sorry" Karlina's dad shook his head " You need to become more responsible. Well anyway I have good news the Malofys are coming to stay at the hotel. They should be arriving in the next 30 minutes or so," said Samuel. Karlina sunk into her chair. She couldn't stand Draco or any of the other Malfoys for that matter.
"Oh don't act like that Karlina. You know your father has been friends with the malfoys since he went to Hogwarts." Sarah really didn't like the Malfoyts either. She new they despised her and only pretend to like her in front of Samuel, but she wanted to support her husband.
"Well look at the time, its almost 9:30 we better start working," said Samuel. "K c ya guys later, Karlina yelled as she went to start cleaning. She started cleaning her first room for the morning. She couldn't see why wizards were so messy. They could do one simple spell to clean the room, but noo they had to leave it all messy for her to clean it up. She wanted to learn magic more then anything. It would make cleaning the rooms easier and more fun, but she new her mom would never let her even learn one spell. Already getting bored of cleaning Karlina pulled out her CD player and started to listen to the latest 50 cent CD and tried to forget that the Malfoys were going to be staying at the hotel for the whole weekend. Suddenly Draco Malfoy walked into the room. Karlina having her music up so high and dancing to the music as she cleaned didn't even notice that someone was watching her.
Draco smirked, "So this is what teenage muggles do clean with out magic and turn their bad music up so high they go brain dead."
Karlina rolled her eyes "What are you doing her Draco. I'm sure you're staying in one of the sweets."
"I am, but I wanted to come and have some fun hanging out with you."
"More like make my day a living hell."
Draco laughed, "That sounds like fun to me."
"Well if your set on staying turn the TV on and leave me alone."
"I haven't watched TV since the last time I stayed in this dump." Draco turned the TV on a flipped through the channels until he finally decided to watch MTV, and the only reason he stopped on MTV was to look at the girls barely dressed dance.
"So does the maid have a boyfriend?"
"Why should I tell you?"
" If your dad finds out that your being mean to me."
"Fine I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have time for one with work and surfing on the weekends." Draco had a big smirk on his face. "What"
"I've seen guys surf and I can't see you surfing."
" I'm sure I'm way better at surfing then you are."
"Duh I've never surfed before, but I'm sure after a few hours I'd be way better then you."
" I doubt it. I'm done cleaning this room so you should go find someone else to annoy."
"You know if you want guests to stay here you should be a little nicer to them. I was ganna go check out the pool anyway, but Don't worry I'll come and bother you later."
Karlina made a fake smile and said, "Can't wait."
"Bye Kar. Hope you have fun cleaning up other peoples messes."
Finally he was gone. Karlina couldn't have stood him being there for one more second, but he was a lot cuter then he was last year, she thought to herself. Karlina don't think like that you know he's a snob who just wants to make your life miserable.
Anyway, I told myself that if I couldn't find a fic on the front page that would rate at the very least a 'Painful', I'd start into the backlog, and... well, we can all see where this is going. Meet Karlina, the Hawaiian Wizard Resort Sue. I'm dead serious.
TITLE: Karlina and Draco
PERPETRATOR: Renee
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Karlina Fanteno
SPECIES: Human/Witch, but has never learned magic
HAIR: "long brown hair"
EYES: Not described
MARKINGS: None mentioned
POSESSIONS: None mentioned
ORIGIN: Her father's a wizard and her mother a Muggle, and the two of them own the only Wizard-run hotel in Hawaii. You still don't believe me, do you? Karlina has, however, never recieved any magic training, because her parents don't want her to be in danger from... um... somebody named 'Voltimor,' whoever that is. Anybody else see the basic oxymoron here?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Check out the title, will you?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None so far.
NOTES: We've got an instance of Pepper Jack in this story - the author describes our Sueoine listening to 50 Cent.
Beyond that... well, I have to give the author points for originality. I've never encountered a Hawaiian wizard hotel owning surfing Sue before. This does not make the story any less revolting, but it's significantly better than the standard 'transfer student to Hogwarts' scenario.
*sigh*
SAMPLE:
Karlina's mom and dad owned a small Hotel on the island of Maui in Hawaii. Mostly only witches and wizards came to stay at the hotel even though Karlina's mother was a muggle. Mr. Fanteno had met her in a muggle dance club and didn't care that she wasn't a witch. Maui Paradise was the only hotel on the island that was owned by someone in the magical world, so even wizards who didn't believe in mixed marriages between worlds were forced to stay there if they wanted to be able to use magic. Karlina's mother didn't want Karlina to grow up and become a witch especially since Voltimor had come back. But Karlina's father wanted his only child more then anything to learn magic. Karlina's mother had won the battle so far, Karlina was already 16 and hadn't learned any magic.
"Karlina wake up," yelled her mother (Sarah Fanteno)
"K mom be down in a minute." Karlina jumped out of bed and put on her maid uniform. Every summer her parents made her work as a maid in the hotel, but Karlina didn't mind because her parents paid her the normal salary and she needed the money. Karlina quickly pulled her long brown hair into a messy bun and ran down stairs to eat a quick breakfast before she had to go and clean the rooms.
"Good morning mom. Good morning Dad."
"Good morning honey," said Sarah.
"Didn't your alarm go off?" Asked her father (Samuel Fanteno)
"I kinda forgot to set it. Sorry" Karlina's dad shook his head " You need to become more responsible. Well anyway I have good news the Malofys are coming to stay at the hotel. They should be arriving in the next 30 minutes or so," said Samuel. Karlina sunk into her chair. She couldn't stand Draco or any of the other Malfoys for that matter.
"Oh don't act like that Karlina. You know your father has been friends with the malfoys since he went to Hogwarts." Sarah really didn't like the Malfoyts either. She new they despised her and only pretend to like her in front of Samuel, but she wanted to support her husband.
"Well look at the time, its almost 9:30 we better start working," said Samuel. "K c ya guys later, Karlina yelled as she went to start cleaning. She started cleaning her first room for the morning. She couldn't see why wizards were so messy. They could do one simple spell to clean the room, but noo they had to leave it all messy for her to clean it up. She wanted to learn magic more then anything. It would make cleaning the rooms easier and more fun, but she new her mom would never let her even learn one spell. Already getting bored of cleaning Karlina pulled out her CD player and started to listen to the latest 50 cent CD and tried to forget that the Malfoys were going to be staying at the hotel for the whole weekend. Suddenly Draco Malfoy walked into the room. Karlina having her music up so high and dancing to the music as she cleaned didn't even notice that someone was watching her.
Draco smirked, "So this is what teenage muggles do clean with out magic and turn their bad music up so high they go brain dead."
Karlina rolled her eyes "What are you doing her Draco. I'm sure you're staying in one of the sweets."
"I am, but I wanted to come and have some fun hanging out with you."
"More like make my day a living hell."
Draco laughed, "That sounds like fun to me."
"Well if your set on staying turn the TV on and leave me alone."
"I haven't watched TV since the last time I stayed in this dump." Draco turned the TV on a flipped through the channels until he finally decided to watch MTV, and the only reason he stopped on MTV was to look at the girls barely dressed dance.
"So does the maid have a boyfriend?"
"Why should I tell you?"
" If your dad finds out that your being mean to me."
"Fine I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have time for one with work and surfing on the weekends." Draco had a big smirk on his face. "What"
"I've seen guys surf and I can't see you surfing."
" I'm sure I'm way better at surfing then you are."
"Duh I've never surfed before, but I'm sure after a few hours I'd be way better then you."
" I doubt it. I'm done cleaning this room so you should go find someone else to annoy."
"You know if you want guests to stay here you should be a little nicer to them. I was ganna go check out the pool anyway, but Don't worry I'll come and bother you later."
Karlina made a fake smile and said, "Can't wait."
"Bye Kar. Hope you have fun cleaning up other peoples messes."
Finally he was gone. Karlina couldn't have stood him being there for one more second, but he was a lot cuter then he was last year, she thought to herself. Karlina don't think like that you know he's a snob who just wants to make your life miserable.