0021: Can't Say I Love You - Arike Matsudara
Most Sues don't make much sense. This one makes rather less sense than usual.
TITLE: I Can't Say I Love You
PERPETRATOR: Eriika
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Arike Matsudara
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: Doesn't say. The Japanese name and the fact that she's supposedly related to Harry (how does that work, I'd like to know?) suggests black.
EYES: Not a clue.
MARKINGS: None mentioned
POSESSIONS: None so far - I'm sure we'll see some soon.
ORIGIN: Voldemort killed her parents. That's all we're told.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Rumor has it she's somehow related to Harry. Draco Malfoy knows all her secrets and she's probably going to fall in love with him. Voldemort wants to kill her, for no good reason that I can see.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can turn invisible. She can dodge curses. She's in fifth year but doing seventh year courses. She has her own personal protection spell, 'melodius'.
NOTES: Have you seen Battlefield Earth?
If you have, you have my sympathy - I've seen it twice, but I honestly don't remember much of it. I think I've blocked it out. In twenty years, I'll be going through regressive hypnosis to unblock my repressed memories of that movie when they start to cause psychoses. One thing I do remember about it, though, was the general incoherence of the whole thing. You could get up and get a snack or go to the bathroom and when you come back, you don't know what's going on... but that's okay, because you didn't know what was going on when you left, either. You can sit through that entire movie, and when it's over you get up, blink a few times, and realize that you never, at any point during the entire film, had any real idea what was supposed to be going on.
That's what this fic is like. It's the Battlefield Earth of Potter Sues.
SAMPLE:He was so sweet, so kind. I thought he was, at least at first. Then I hated him, because of what he did. But I changed again when he saved me. I better start at the beginning.
My name is Arike Matsudara. I am fifteen years old, and I’m in my fifth year at Hogwarts. I’m in Gryffindor. The boy I’m talking about, you’ll learn about him later.
Back to the story. I have been at Hogwarts for years. Nobody has seen me, or heard me. I was under an invisibility spell, but He Who Must Not Be Named tripped over me. I wasn’t ever about to be killed then, but I lost a lot of energy using the Melody Charm.
I had gotten a note from the boy to go to the Forbidden Forest at 5:00 on Tuesday. Oh, and he knows about me because he saw Professor McGonagall and I talking once, and… Yeah. Well, anyways, I did what he asked me to in the note. When I got there, there wasn’t anyone there, but then, suddenly, there were people in black robes all around me! “Death Eaters,” I thought. Had he lured me into a trap?
No. The Death Eaters didn’t know I was there. Then, suddenly, just a few feet away, appeared Voldemort. He started talking.
“As you must all know, Harry Potter is here at Hogwarts. We must kill him.” Lucius Malfoy stepped forward.
“Yes, Malfoy?”
“My son, Draco, has informed me that there will be a girl listening to us. He said she is related to Harry Potter.”
I held my breath. He had told them that? That makes no sense! I am in no way related to Harry!
An evil grin came over Voldemort’s face. “Well, then,” he said, “She must be hiding…”
“Draco said she uses an Invisibility Charm all the time. She is impossible to see unless you take the charm off.”
“Ah.”
He took out his wand, waved it around, and said “Undeletreis!” That is a spell to counteract any charm, spell, or incantation. I was now in plain view.
“What have we here? What is your name, girl,” said Voldemort. “Try to torture me all you want,” I said, “but I will never tell you.”
“Very well. Crucio!” He said, pointing his wand at me. Too bad for him that I have reflexes like a cat. I jumped out of the way just in time. His spell hit the ground harmlessly.
“You wish to play games, do you? Arindell!” A wave of blue light shot at me. I took out my wand and shouted, “Exarindell!” My wand shot a wave of white light at the blue light. “Never mess with me,” I said. “I’m not scared of you. Oh, and Mr. Malfoy, I don’t know what Draco’s been telling you, but I’m not related to Harry Potter.” I jumped out of the way as Voldemort shot another spell at me.
“You are going to need to know that I almost never get tired. I once jumped up and down for three days, non-stop, and I wasn’t tired.”
He frowned, but kept shooting spells at me. To trick him, I sat down on the grass. I took my hands and made a sign with them. “What are you doing, idiot girl?”
“What does it look like?” Oh yes, I know I shouldn’t challenge him, but I had to for my spell to work.
“I don’t know! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
I grabbed my wand and said, “Melodius! I was waiting for you to yell or something, get mad. My protection spell works better that way.” I grinned at him. “Try to attack me all you want, any of you.” The Melody Charm is basically a protection spell, like I said. If anyone tries to attack you, the spell rebounds at him/her. It also plays a sweet song that is much like a lullaby. It makes it easier to get away when everyone is almost asleep. The only bad thing is the amount of energy you have to use.
Someone came in the forest. I think it was Hagrid, it sounded like him. “Hey!” he yelled. “Who’s in ‘ere? Forest is outta bounds!” Yep, it was Hagrid. I quickly put the invisibility charm on myself. It took about a minute for me to be invisible, but Hagrid never saw me. “Huh. Must be hearin’ things.” He left.
I slowly made my way up to the castle. I was tired, and I knew that teachers would be looking for me by now. I decided I would tell them about the note, but not about who sent it. When I got to the castle, my suspicions had been correct. Professor McGonagall was standing near the door, looking nervous. I tapped her arm. “I’m sorry, Professor. You see, I got this note…”
TITLE: I Can't Say I Love You
PERPETRATOR: Eriika
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Arike Matsudara
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: Doesn't say. The Japanese name and the fact that she's supposedly related to Harry (how does that work, I'd like to know?) suggests black.
EYES: Not a clue.
MARKINGS: None mentioned
POSESSIONS: None so far - I'm sure we'll see some soon.
ORIGIN: Voldemort killed her parents. That's all we're told.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Rumor has it she's somehow related to Harry. Draco Malfoy knows all her secrets and she's probably going to fall in love with him. Voldemort wants to kill her, for no good reason that I can see.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can turn invisible. She can dodge curses. She's in fifth year but doing seventh year courses. She has her own personal protection spell, 'melodius'.
NOTES: Have you seen Battlefield Earth?
If you have, you have my sympathy - I've seen it twice, but I honestly don't remember much of it. I think I've blocked it out. In twenty years, I'll be going through regressive hypnosis to unblock my repressed memories of that movie when they start to cause psychoses. One thing I do remember about it, though, was the general incoherence of the whole thing. You could get up and get a snack or go to the bathroom and when you come back, you don't know what's going on... but that's okay, because you didn't know what was going on when you left, either. You can sit through that entire movie, and when it's over you get up, blink a few times, and realize that you never, at any point during the entire film, had any real idea what was supposed to be going on.
That's what this fic is like. It's the Battlefield Earth of Potter Sues.
SAMPLE:He was so sweet, so kind. I thought he was, at least at first. Then I hated him, because of what he did. But I changed again when he saved me. I better start at the beginning.
My name is Arike Matsudara. I am fifteen years old, and I’m in my fifth year at Hogwarts. I’m in Gryffindor. The boy I’m talking about, you’ll learn about him later.
Back to the story. I have been at Hogwarts for years. Nobody has seen me, or heard me. I was under an invisibility spell, but He Who Must Not Be Named tripped over me. I wasn’t ever about to be killed then, but I lost a lot of energy using the Melody Charm.
I had gotten a note from the boy to go to the Forbidden Forest at 5:00 on Tuesday. Oh, and he knows about me because he saw Professor McGonagall and I talking once, and… Yeah. Well, anyways, I did what he asked me to in the note. When I got there, there wasn’t anyone there, but then, suddenly, there were people in black robes all around me! “Death Eaters,” I thought. Had he lured me into a trap?
No. The Death Eaters didn’t know I was there. Then, suddenly, just a few feet away, appeared Voldemort. He started talking.
“As you must all know, Harry Potter is here at Hogwarts. We must kill him.” Lucius Malfoy stepped forward.
“Yes, Malfoy?”
“My son, Draco, has informed me that there will be a girl listening to us. He said she is related to Harry Potter.”
I held my breath. He had told them that? That makes no sense! I am in no way related to Harry!
An evil grin came over Voldemort’s face. “Well, then,” he said, “She must be hiding…”
“Draco said she uses an Invisibility Charm all the time. She is impossible to see unless you take the charm off.”
“Ah.”
He took out his wand, waved it around, and said “Undeletreis!” That is a spell to counteract any charm, spell, or incantation. I was now in plain view.
“What have we here? What is your name, girl,” said Voldemort. “Try to torture me all you want,” I said, “but I will never tell you.”
“Very well. Crucio!” He said, pointing his wand at me. Too bad for him that I have reflexes like a cat. I jumped out of the way just in time. His spell hit the ground harmlessly.
“You wish to play games, do you? Arindell!” A wave of blue light shot at me. I took out my wand and shouted, “Exarindell!” My wand shot a wave of white light at the blue light. “Never mess with me,” I said. “I’m not scared of you. Oh, and Mr. Malfoy, I don’t know what Draco’s been telling you, but I’m not related to Harry Potter.” I jumped out of the way as Voldemort shot another spell at me.
“You are going to need to know that I almost never get tired. I once jumped up and down for three days, non-stop, and I wasn’t tired.”
He frowned, but kept shooting spells at me. To trick him, I sat down on the grass. I took my hands and made a sign with them. “What are you doing, idiot girl?”
“What does it look like?” Oh yes, I know I shouldn’t challenge him, but I had to for my spell to work.
“I don’t know! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
I grabbed my wand and said, “Melodius! I was waiting for you to yell or something, get mad. My protection spell works better that way.” I grinned at him. “Try to attack me all you want, any of you.” The Melody Charm is basically a protection spell, like I said. If anyone tries to attack you, the spell rebounds at him/her. It also plays a sweet song that is much like a lullaby. It makes it easier to get away when everyone is almost asleep. The only bad thing is the amount of energy you have to use.
Someone came in the forest. I think it was Hagrid, it sounded like him. “Hey!” he yelled. “Who’s in ‘ere? Forest is outta bounds!” Yep, it was Hagrid. I quickly put the invisibility charm on myself. It took about a minute for me to be invisible, but Hagrid never saw me. “Huh. Must be hearin’ things.” He left.
I slowly made my way up to the castle. I was tired, and I knew that teachers would be looking for me by now. I decided I would tell them about the note, but not about who sent it. When I got to the castle, my suspicions had been correct. Professor McGonagall was standing near the door, looking nervous. I tapped her arm. “I’m sorry, Professor. You see, I got this note…”