0007: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Jeanne Gryffin
This has nothing to do with the Sue I'm about to shred, but does anybody else get a bit annoyed at gratuitous use of the word 'mudblood' in HP fics? I'm guilty of a couple of casual uses of it myself, but I try to refrain; I've gotten the impression that it's considered extremely rude, that calling a muggle-born person a 'mudblood' is equivalent to calling a black person a 'nigger'.
Or am I imagining things?
TITLE: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
PERPETRATOR: Jeanne Gryffin
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: ***
SUEAGE: ****
WRONGNESS:
**
FULL NAME: Jeanne Gryffin (uhoh)
SPECIES: Human/Muggle who suddenly gains magical powers
HAIR: "brownish red hair"
EYES: brown eyes
MARKINGS: A scar on her shoulder shaped like a Phoenix
POSESSIONS: None so far, but I'm sure some are coming.
ORIGIN: Hard to say... she just sort of appears
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Apparently there's a prophecy that some 'heir' is going to return and help Harry beat Voldemort. I'm guessing we will soon hear the words 'heir of Gryffindor' in this story.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can do all kinds of advanced magic without ever having been to Hogwarts. It 'just comes to her'.
NOTES: Beware the Sue with the same name as the author.
The entire first chapter of this story is the 'the Harry Potter Universe belongs to J. K. Rowling, not me' disclaimer. The second chapter is one paragraph, which is titled 'Intro to the Story', and is worth quoting in full.
After 57 years when the evil wizard was destroyed by Dumbledore, she disappeared but now the prophecy returns to help the heir. But which heir is it? No one knows who the prophecy is but only Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix know and have sworn to protect the Prophecy. The years have passed and she is the balance to save the world again after many years. The prophecy experiences new things such as love, friendship, and becomes more powerful. Her life is endangered for most wizards seek her to cause great destruction.
Translation from Fangirlese into English: Hi! I'm here to write a flagrant and horrendous Mary-Sue... but don't try to tell me that, because I will cry and compare you to Osama.
You know, I don't think I have anything to add to that.
SAMPLE:
"Harry this is, I believe Jeanne Gryffin. Is that correct my dear?" asked Dumbledore.
"It is correct, sir." she said.
"Now my dear. I will ask you some questions and I would like to you to answer them. First of all, where did you get your wand?" he asked.
"I found it in my pocket." she said
"Since when did you know Harry?"
"I never knew him till now that he help me escape Voldemort." she said.
"Do you have anyone in your family who is related to magical powers?"
"I don't know but none of them could do magic until I just did." she said.
"How many spells do you know?"
"I don't' know they come to my head." was all she said but she had a nasty little voice saying you do know them.
"Now, we will see how many spells you know." he said and at that moment he dropped a vase and it broke on the floor. "Fix it."
She pointed her wand and said reparo and it was fixed.
Then he turned of the lights and he said make a light.
She said lumos then there was a small light on the tip of her wand. He turned of the lights and told her to turn the light off her wand and she said nox and it went out.
"Now on to transfiguration. Turn these ten matches into needles and after that turn this desk in to a pig and back." he said with a smile.
"But Professor that advance transfiguration she won't be able to do it." said Harry.
She waved her wand and all the matches turn to needles and she then pointed her wand at the desk and turned it into a pig and luckily she was able to turn it back to its original state. Harry gaped at her while all Professor Dumbledore smiled.
"Do you know anything on potions dear child?" asked Dumbledore
"No I don't sir." she said blushing.
"Now on to charms. Open this door and, make something fly across, summon something from anywhere, and the opposite of a summoning charm." said Dumbledore.
She did all three charms except the opposite of a summoning charm which she did with a pillow and hit Harry in the face.
"Now on to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Harry will you like to ask these questions." said Dumbledore.
"Now conjure up a patronus. I will come up with the dementor." said Harry and he left the room and he came back with a suit case and he said, "There is a boggart inside. Do you know what a boggart is?"
"A boggart is a shape shifter. It turns into your worst fears." said Jeanne.
"Now very good I will stand in front of the boggart while you conjure up your patronus. Is that clear?" he asked.
"Yeah, you don't have to repeat." she said.
"On the count of three. 1...2...3.... NOW!" he yelled soon the dementor came out and she heard a voice yell inside of her head. Don't be afraid of what you are you will soon find out who you are and destined to be. At that moment she yelled expecto patronum. A misty silvery Phoenix came out of her wand and chased the dementor. Soon the boggart was returned back to its suit case. Harry gave her a piece of a chocolate frog.
Or am I imagining things?
TITLE: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
PERPETRATOR: Jeanne Gryffin
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: ***
SUEAGE: ****
WRONGNESS:
**
FULL NAME: Jeanne Gryffin (uhoh)
SPECIES: Human/Muggle who suddenly gains magical powers
HAIR: "brownish red hair"
EYES: brown eyes
MARKINGS: A scar on her shoulder shaped like a Phoenix
POSESSIONS: None so far, but I'm sure some are coming.
ORIGIN: Hard to say... she just sort of appears
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Apparently there's a prophecy that some 'heir' is going to return and help Harry beat Voldemort. I'm guessing we will soon hear the words 'heir of Gryffindor' in this story.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can do all kinds of advanced magic without ever having been to Hogwarts. It 'just comes to her'.
NOTES: Beware the Sue with the same name as the author.
The entire first chapter of this story is the 'the Harry Potter Universe belongs to J. K. Rowling, not me' disclaimer. The second chapter is one paragraph, which is titled 'Intro to the Story', and is worth quoting in full.
After 57 years when the evil wizard was destroyed by Dumbledore, she disappeared but now the prophecy returns to help the heir. But which heir is it? No one knows who the prophecy is but only Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix know and have sworn to protect the Prophecy. The years have passed and she is the balance to save the world again after many years. The prophecy experiences new things such as love, friendship, and becomes more powerful. Her life is endangered for most wizards seek her to cause great destruction.
Translation from Fangirlese into English: Hi! I'm here to write a flagrant and horrendous Mary-Sue... but don't try to tell me that, because I will cry and compare you to Osama.
You know, I don't think I have anything to add to that.
SAMPLE:
"Harry this is, I believe Jeanne Gryffin. Is that correct my dear?" asked Dumbledore.
"It is correct, sir." she said.
"Now my dear. I will ask you some questions and I would like to you to answer them. First of all, where did you get your wand?" he asked.
"I found it in my pocket." she said
"Since when did you know Harry?"
"I never knew him till now that he help me escape Voldemort." she said.
"Do you have anyone in your family who is related to magical powers?"
"I don't know but none of them could do magic until I just did." she said.
"How many spells do you know?"
"I don't' know they come to my head." was all she said but she had a nasty little voice saying you do know them.
"Now, we will see how many spells you know." he said and at that moment he dropped a vase and it broke on the floor. "Fix it."
She pointed her wand and said reparo and it was fixed.
Then he turned of the lights and he said make a light.
She said lumos then there was a small light on the tip of her wand. He turned of the lights and told her to turn the light off her wand and she said nox and it went out.
"Now on to transfiguration. Turn these ten matches into needles and after that turn this desk in to a pig and back." he said with a smile.
"But Professor that advance transfiguration she won't be able to do it." said Harry.
She waved her wand and all the matches turn to needles and she then pointed her wand at the desk and turned it into a pig and luckily she was able to turn it back to its original state. Harry gaped at her while all Professor Dumbledore smiled.
"Do you know anything on potions dear child?" asked Dumbledore
"No I don't sir." she said blushing.
"Now on to charms. Open this door and, make something fly across, summon something from anywhere, and the opposite of a summoning charm." said Dumbledore.
She did all three charms except the opposite of a summoning charm which she did with a pillow and hit Harry in the face.
"Now on to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Harry will you like to ask these questions." said Dumbledore.
"Now conjure up a patronus. I will come up with the dementor." said Harry and he left the room and he came back with a suit case and he said, "There is a boggart inside. Do you know what a boggart is?"
"A boggart is a shape shifter. It turns into your worst fears." said Jeanne.
"Now very good I will stand in front of the boggart while you conjure up your patronus. Is that clear?" he asked.
"Yeah, you don't have to repeat." she said.
"On the count of three. 1...2...3.... NOW!" he yelled soon the dementor came out and she heard a voice yell inside of her head. Don't be afraid of what you are you will soon find out who you are and destined to be. At that moment she yelled expecto patronum. A misty silvery Phoenix came out of her wand and chased the dementor. Soon the boggart was returned back to its suit case. Harry gave her a piece of a chocolate frog.