0520: The Child of Darkness - Devin Orsino Potter
This may be the first time in my life I've ever been glad I'm sick. Well... not so much glad to be sick, but glad I'm sick now. If I've gotta be sick, I'm glad it didn't happen on concert night.
May I remind the minions that if you don't demonstrate that you read the post before doing the first comment dance, your comment will be deleted? Play fair, folks.
TITLE: The Child of Darkness
PERPETRATOR: Alex Parker
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Devin Orsino Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'Her long, wavy black hair fell far below her shoulders and contrasted quite nicely with her pale, moon-colored skin.'
EYES: 'Her eyes were a crisp, deep green.'
MARKINGS: none mentioned.
POSESSIONS: 'rather revealing Muggle clothes' which are of course described in depth.
ORIGIN: She was given to the wrong set of parents at the hospital, and nobody figured it out for more than a year. For some reason, the fate of the world depends on her and Harry becoming friends.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry's sister. Draco flirts with her, of course.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.
NOTES: My favourite part of this one is the angsty author's note. It starts off as having quite a valid point, as she complains that 'wow, this is a 100 on the Mary-Sue meter!' is not a helpful review, especially if the reviewee is new to fanfiction and doesn't know what a Mary-Sue is. But then it gets martyrish, as she whines about 'those who consider themselves good enough for ff.net' and asks 'how does it feel to crush somebody's dream?'
I am a terrible person for finding that funny, aren't I?
SAMPLE:
Hermione Granger sat contently with her three best friends, chatting and waiting for the first dinner after Christmas break to start. Just then a loud crash erupted through the hall as the doors were thrown open. There, her silhouette enhanced by the light from the entry hall, stood a girl of about fifteen. She glanced around for a second before locking stares with Professor Dumbledore. Her gaze never again left its target.
As she started to move, Hermione could get a better look at her. Her long, wavy black hair fell far below her shoulders and contrasted quite nicely with her pale, moon-colored skin. She bore no Hogwarts robes; instead, she wore rather revealing Muggle clothes: black, tight-fitting leather pants, a black sleeveless corset top, and black boots. As she neared the Gryffindor table, Hermione could see the girl’s blatant I-could-care-less expression on her face.
She was surprised, however, to find a sharp green accent to the strange girl’s flow of black and white: Her eyes were a crisp, deep green. They reminded Hermione a bit of Harry’s, but she pushed it out of her mind as the girl continued her silent journey to the staff table.
Glancing at Harry, she saw his mouth was hanging open, eyes wide, head propped up on his hands. She slapped the back of his head, and he snapped out of it. “What?” he whispered fiercely, but she was already pointing Ron out to Alex, for he looked quite the same as Harry.
Hermione chanced a look over at the Slytherin table. She could see the same reaction from the boys, all except one. Draco seemed to not be affected by the girl’s evident beauty.
Looking back at the girl, she had stopped a few feet short of Dumbledore. Hermione saw him nod something to McGonagall as the girl closed the gap to the table and, leaning over to look the headmaster directly in the eyes, whispered something so faint not even a dog could have heard.
Not to say that it wouldn’t have been easy. As soon as the girl had entered, the only noise in the hall had been the clunk from her boots. No one had said a word for the past five minutes.
After conversing with the headmaster for a few minutes, the girl abruptly stood up, turned on her heel, and sauntered back across the hall and out the doors. They magically closed behind her. Silence remained for a full minute after she left, until which time the entire school burst out in anxious whispers. Who was the girl? Why was she here?
“I don’t see a need to inform you that we will be welcoming a new student to Hogwarts, as she has already made quite a first impression. Her name is Devin Orsino Potter, and I expect you all to treat her with the utmost courtesy.” Professor Dumbledore spoke as the hall quieted down somewhat. Harry gasped at her name and sat upright.
“Did Dumbledore call her Potter?”
May I remind the minions that if you don't demonstrate that you read the post before doing the first comment dance, your comment will be deleted? Play fair, folks.
TITLE: The Child of Darkness
PERPETRATOR: Alex Parker
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Devin Orsino Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'Her long, wavy black hair fell far below her shoulders and contrasted quite nicely with her pale, moon-colored skin.'
EYES: 'Her eyes were a crisp, deep green.'
MARKINGS: none mentioned.
POSESSIONS: 'rather revealing Muggle clothes' which are of course described in depth.
ORIGIN: She was given to the wrong set of parents at the hospital, and nobody figured it out for more than a year. For some reason, the fate of the world depends on her and Harry becoming friends.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry's sister. Draco flirts with her, of course.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.
NOTES: My favourite part of this one is the angsty author's note. It starts off as having quite a valid point, as she complains that 'wow, this is a 100 on the Mary-Sue meter!' is not a helpful review, especially if the reviewee is new to fanfiction and doesn't know what a Mary-Sue is. But then it gets martyrish, as she whines about 'those who consider themselves good enough for ff.net' and asks 'how does it feel to crush somebody's dream?'
I am a terrible person for finding that funny, aren't I?
SAMPLE:
Hermione Granger sat contently with her three best friends, chatting and waiting for the first dinner after Christmas break to start. Just then a loud crash erupted through the hall as the doors were thrown open. There, her silhouette enhanced by the light from the entry hall, stood a girl of about fifteen. She glanced around for a second before locking stares with Professor Dumbledore. Her gaze never again left its target.
As she started to move, Hermione could get a better look at her. Her long, wavy black hair fell far below her shoulders and contrasted quite nicely with her pale, moon-colored skin. She bore no Hogwarts robes; instead, she wore rather revealing Muggle clothes: black, tight-fitting leather pants, a black sleeveless corset top, and black boots. As she neared the Gryffindor table, Hermione could see the girl’s blatant I-could-care-less expression on her face.
She was surprised, however, to find a sharp green accent to the strange girl’s flow of black and white: Her eyes were a crisp, deep green. They reminded Hermione a bit of Harry’s, but she pushed it out of her mind as the girl continued her silent journey to the staff table.
Glancing at Harry, she saw his mouth was hanging open, eyes wide, head propped up on his hands. She slapped the back of his head, and he snapped out of it. “What?” he whispered fiercely, but she was already pointing Ron out to Alex, for he looked quite the same as Harry.
Hermione chanced a look over at the Slytherin table. She could see the same reaction from the boys, all except one. Draco seemed to not be affected by the girl’s evident beauty.
Looking back at the girl, she had stopped a few feet short of Dumbledore. Hermione saw him nod something to McGonagall as the girl closed the gap to the table and, leaning over to look the headmaster directly in the eyes, whispered something so faint not even a dog could have heard.
Not to say that it wouldn’t have been easy. As soon as the girl had entered, the only noise in the hall had been the clunk from her boots. No one had said a word for the past five minutes.
After conversing with the headmaster for a few minutes, the girl abruptly stood up, turned on her heel, and sauntered back across the hall and out the doors. They magically closed behind her. Silence remained for a full minute after she left, until which time the entire school burst out in anxious whispers. Who was the girl? Why was she here?
“I don’t see a need to inform you that we will be welcoming a new student to Hogwarts, as she has already made quite a first impression. Her name is Devin Orsino Potter, and I expect you all to treat her with the utmost courtesy.” Professor Dumbledore spoke as the hall quieted down somewhat. Harry gasped at her name and sat upright.
“Did Dumbledore call her Potter?”