5030: Serpent Meets Fire - Athenys Seraphina
Don’t forget about the first bi-annual Pottersues Contest which is replacing the old annual Pottersues Contest. The theme for said contest is Gamer Fic. Since Gamer Fic is a rather new concept in fanfic, I’ve added links to three entries which feature a Gamer Fic. yemi_hikari also dropped a link to an online dice roller for D&D for anyone interested in a tool for writing the stories. I’m also working on a list of common traits we find in Sue stories which make them Sue stories called More Than Thirteen Reasons Why.
Title: Serpent Meets Fire
Perpetrator: FirebornSlytherin
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: We have a black dragon eg with golden markings that look like scales surrounded by green fire on a black background.
Summary: “Athenys Seraphina always knew there was something different about her. Not only does she have magic, but she has a close connection to dragons. And there's one name that keeps coming up all the time. Targaryen. Her life at Hogwarts with her fellow Slytherins proves to be a fiery and exciting adventure, which helps Athenys slowly realise the true extent of her powers.”
Full Name: Athenys Seraphina gets teased for her name because the writer didn’t realize Athenys is not an alternative to Athena any parent would give their kid. Even more curious is the fact Atheny is a family name while Seraphina is a first name.
Species: She’s a woeful, I am so bullied Sue, so pity me. Thankfully her father isn’t Voldemort, or Sirius, or Dumbledore like I thought. It’s some random bloke called Dominic.
Hair: Her hair is “medium length black wavy hair.”
Eyes: She has “sapphire blue eyes”.
Markings: She has “dark olive skin”. Her face is like her mother’s in that it is “a heart-shaped face with rather sharp features, although her cheeks were a little chubbier.”
Possessions: The writer picked chestnut for their wand - which they capitalize, because “the owners are skilled tamers of magical beasts, possess great gifts in Herbology, and are natural fliers, though not all of this is true all the time.”
Connection to Canon: The story starts off with her being bullied. Let’s make it quite clear - and the minions will find this in the sample - the Sue is simply being teased about her name, but we’re simply told they’re taunting her with no details beyond the fact the writer purposefully went with something odd to justify supposed bullying against her character only for her to turn around in the exact same paragraph and be the bully by putting disgusting things in her classmates things. Sue doesn’t know who her father is, but doesn’t share the same name as her. Skipping ahead, she gets her Hogwarts letter. We learn her mother isn’t a witch, but her father is. Abraxus is mentioned, which makes me guess our Sue is Voldemort’s spawn rather than the spawn of a certain grim? Except, this Abraxus isn’t Draco’s grandfather? Who else can it be? I get that Draco is a complete prick regarding his whole Pure Blood status, but the only Abraxus in Harry Potter is his grandfather, but his comments didn’t warrant her telling him she hopes he gets hit by a bus. Draco acts the way he does because he was raised that way, but what’s her excuse? She then gets to meet Harry Potter. We then learn Abraxas has conveniently changed her ways. I wonder what he would think though about her saying she hopes Draco should get hit by a bus. While on the train she and Hermione spaz over Greek mythology. (That certainly explains the name if Greek myth is the Suetor’s pepper jack cheese.) She searches for Trevor. Later she gets sorted into Slytherin because our Sue is going to fix the Slytherin house because she likes “seeking revenge on those who do you wrong.” Suethor, that is not a good thing. She also bonds with Draco over the fact they write letters home to their mothers so they won’t worry, which embarrasses him, yet this is the same girl who wanted him to get run over by a bus. Suddenly, he’s got no issue with her being half-blood. She’s only interested in dragon related stuff as she prepares for exams, which makes no sense given that would be a very, very small part of the curriculum. For some reason Hermione is accompanied in the library by Harry and Ron so our Sue can’t hang out with her. She overhears regarding Norbert. She thus sneaks out to Hagrid’s place and has visions of dragons in her head. (That’s a power from GoT) She knows Norbert is a she, but Draco learns she was lurking around as well. He wants her to help tattle, but she refuses. Draco’s not right in wanting them to get expelled, but her threatening Draco isn’t okay either. Pretty much the plot is Sue hanging around behind the scenes it seems, though she does make friends with Hagrid. She and Draco have another go at each other because he actually tries bothering to hang out with her, yet she’s not challenging his perspective much. In fact, she does nothing when Draco goes at the Weasly family in the book shop. Fifth chapter in and I’ve got to stop - we’re already at the end of the second book and this Sue’s added nothing. More importantly she’s incapable of deciding to do the right thing. Skips ahead, and she of course gets to meet the dragons during the Triwizard tournament and she’s still tagging along with the rest of the plot and not really adding anything outside of having her super special connection to dragons. She’s going to the ball with Theo in chapter fourteen so she doesn’t have to turn Goyle down - just as friends. Because, you know, our Sue is friends with everybody and doesn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings unless she feels she’s been wronged.
Origin: “This story combines the Harry Potter world with references to the Game of Thrones world, which I also do not own. However, the main character Athenys Seraphina and the plot line is my creation.” Apparently the writer is unaware of the fact certain aspects of Game of Thrones are actually in other series. We get and earful about how Snape gives them a ton of points because of her.
Special Abilities: The writer outright tells us her character is a bully, but we’re supposed to believe she’s the victim. For some reason Draco’s grandfather is helping her despite the fact she is a half-blood, but Draco bullies her despite the fact his grandfather is helping her. Oh, and before I forget she gets to talk to dragons. We’re supposed to believe her mother is a “Muggle”, yet Lucius asks if she’s related to the Targaryen family, though he doesn’t outright say that.
Notes: Suethors, please don’t give your Suethor an odd name simply because you want a reason for others to bully them. Particularly don’t do this if you can’t give an example of how the character’s name is made fun of. That tells us it’s happening simply because you think it is odd, but in this particular case the writer really didn’t think things through.
I’m also bothered by the fact the writer’s profile says they’re twenty, yet they thought their character wishing Draco would get hit by a bus was an okay thing to say. Of course, this same writer thinks this is a crossover despite from what I’ve seen there is no real connection to GoT.
Sample:
Athenys Seraphina had finally learned to ignore the taunts of her name from her classmates by the time she was nine years old. It didn't make sense to her why she should be offended any more, seeing that she was quite fond of her name. Nevertheless, she had always found ways to get back at them. There would be some days where her classmates would scream, suspiciously finding a dead spider in their bags, or finding cockroaches in their lunches. However, no one knew how it had happened, and Athenys would make sure of that, although there were some things that happened that even Athenys couldn't quite explain. Whenever the taunts had happened and she would return home with a disgruntled expression, her mother Helena had always reminded her what her name truly means, which every single time made her puff out her chest in pride.
"Athena is the Greek Goddess of Wisdom and War," she would whisper as she tucked a strand of Athenys's hair behind her ear, "She was known for her compassion and generosity."
Helena could always see her face light up every time she said that, eagerly waiting for her to continue telling the legends of the heroes and Gods, followed by stories of King Arthur and Merlin and many other legendary tales.
One day Athenys came home, and Helena watched as the young girl's sapphire blue eyes which were filled with curiosity flicker towards the fireplace. Athenys looked very much like her mother, dark olive skin, medium-length black wavy hair and a heart-shaped face with rather sharp features, although her cheeks were a little chubbier. All the same except for her eyes. Helena wonders if Athenys ever knew about slightest shade of violet which flashed in her eyes whenever she was in deep thought. It reminds Helena of Athenys's father every time, and leaves a painful ache in her throat. Helena had assumed she was thinking about a school quiz, after all for an 8-year-old, Athenys was quite dedicated to her schoolwork. The question her daughter asked her next proved otherwise.
"Mum, where's dad?"
She always asked this question whenever the schoolyard bullying went too far. Helena gave her the look she always gives whenever she is asked this question and turned back to the kitchen, and Athenys fell quiet for a few seconds, until…
"What was his name?"
Now there was a question she had never been asked before. Helena straightens her back and faces her daughter, "Why do you ask that, honey?"
"You're the one who told me not to answer a question with another question, Mum."
Huh, Clever girl.
A few minutes of silence overcame them, and Athenys couldn't stay silent for any longer. "Was his last name Seraphina?"
"No, honey, it wasn't. Your last name comes from me."
"What does it mean?"
"Burning fire." The young girl lifts one of her eyebrows with a look of awe and wonder, followed by the slight upward curve on the side of her mouth. Athenys knows her mother well enough to know that this conversation was best left finished there. She then disappears into her room and returns a few moments later as the smell of hot chocolate fills the house. She plops down on the couch, waiting for her mother to continue telling the legends of Merlin.
Title: Serpent Meets Fire
Perpetrator: FirebornSlytherin
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: We have a black dragon eg with golden markings that look like scales surrounded by green fire on a black background.
Summary: “Athenys Seraphina always knew there was something different about her. Not only does she have magic, but she has a close connection to dragons. And there's one name that keeps coming up all the time. Targaryen. Her life at Hogwarts with her fellow Slytherins proves to be a fiery and exciting adventure, which helps Athenys slowly realise the true extent of her powers.”
Full Name: Athenys Seraphina gets teased for her name because the writer didn’t realize Athenys is not an alternative to Athena any parent would give their kid. Even more curious is the fact Atheny is a family name while Seraphina is a first name.
Species: She’s a woeful, I am so bullied Sue, so pity me. Thankfully her father isn’t Voldemort, or Sirius, or Dumbledore like I thought. It’s some random bloke called Dominic.
Hair: Her hair is “medium length black wavy hair.”
Eyes: She has “sapphire blue eyes”.
Markings: She has “dark olive skin”. Her face is like her mother’s in that it is “a heart-shaped face with rather sharp features, although her cheeks were a little chubbier.”
Possessions: The writer picked chestnut for their wand - which they capitalize, because “the owners are skilled tamers of magical beasts, possess great gifts in Herbology, and are natural fliers, though not all of this is true all the time.”
Connection to Canon: The story starts off with her being bullied. Let’s make it quite clear - and the minions will find this in the sample - the Sue is simply being teased about her name, but we’re simply told they’re taunting her with no details beyond the fact the writer purposefully went with something odd to justify supposed bullying against her character only for her to turn around in the exact same paragraph and be the bully by putting disgusting things in her classmates things. Sue doesn’t know who her father is, but doesn’t share the same name as her. Skipping ahead, she gets her Hogwarts letter. We learn her mother isn’t a witch, but her father is. Abraxus is mentioned, which makes me guess our Sue is Voldemort’s spawn rather than the spawn of a certain grim? Except, this Abraxus isn’t Draco’s grandfather? Who else can it be? I get that Draco is a complete prick regarding his whole Pure Blood status, but the only Abraxus in Harry Potter is his grandfather, but his comments didn’t warrant her telling him she hopes he gets hit by a bus. Draco acts the way he does because he was raised that way, but what’s her excuse? She then gets to meet Harry Potter. We then learn Abraxas has conveniently changed her ways. I wonder what he would think though about her saying she hopes Draco should get hit by a bus. While on the train she and Hermione spaz over Greek mythology. (That certainly explains the name if Greek myth is the Suetor’s pepper jack cheese.) She searches for Trevor. Later she gets sorted into Slytherin because our Sue is going to fix the Slytherin house because she likes “seeking revenge on those who do you wrong.” Suethor, that is not a good thing. She also bonds with Draco over the fact they write letters home to their mothers so they won’t worry, which embarrasses him, yet this is the same girl who wanted him to get run over by a bus. Suddenly, he’s got no issue with her being half-blood. She’s only interested in dragon related stuff as she prepares for exams, which makes no sense given that would be a very, very small part of the curriculum. For some reason Hermione is accompanied in the library by Harry and Ron so our Sue can’t hang out with her. She overhears regarding Norbert. She thus sneaks out to Hagrid’s place and has visions of dragons in her head. (That’s a power from GoT) She knows Norbert is a she, but Draco learns she was lurking around as well. He wants her to help tattle, but she refuses. Draco’s not right in wanting them to get expelled, but her threatening Draco isn’t okay either. Pretty much the plot is Sue hanging around behind the scenes it seems, though she does make friends with Hagrid. She and Draco have another go at each other because he actually tries bothering to hang out with her, yet she’s not challenging his perspective much. In fact, she does nothing when Draco goes at the Weasly family in the book shop. Fifth chapter in and I’ve got to stop - we’re already at the end of the second book and this Sue’s added nothing. More importantly she’s incapable of deciding to do the right thing. Skips ahead, and she of course gets to meet the dragons during the Triwizard tournament and she’s still tagging along with the rest of the plot and not really adding anything outside of having her super special connection to dragons. She’s going to the ball with Theo in chapter fourteen so she doesn’t have to turn Goyle down - just as friends. Because, you know, our Sue is friends with everybody and doesn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings unless she feels she’s been wronged.
Origin: “This story combines the Harry Potter world with references to the Game of Thrones world, which I also do not own. However, the main character Athenys Seraphina and the plot line is my creation.” Apparently the writer is unaware of the fact certain aspects of Game of Thrones are actually in other series. We get and earful about how Snape gives them a ton of points because of her.
Special Abilities: The writer outright tells us her character is a bully, but we’re supposed to believe she’s the victim. For some reason Draco’s grandfather is helping her despite the fact she is a half-blood, but Draco bullies her despite the fact his grandfather is helping her. Oh, and before I forget she gets to talk to dragons. We’re supposed to believe her mother is a “Muggle”, yet Lucius asks if she’s related to the Targaryen family, though he doesn’t outright say that.
Notes: Suethors, please don’t give your Suethor an odd name simply because you want a reason for others to bully them. Particularly don’t do this if you can’t give an example of how the character’s name is made fun of. That tells us it’s happening simply because you think it is odd, but in this particular case the writer really didn’t think things through.
I’m also bothered by the fact the writer’s profile says they’re twenty, yet they thought their character wishing Draco would get hit by a bus was an okay thing to say. Of course, this same writer thinks this is a crossover despite from what I’ve seen there is no real connection to GoT.
Sample:
Athenys Seraphina had finally learned to ignore the taunts of her name from her classmates by the time she was nine years old. It didn't make sense to her why she should be offended any more, seeing that she was quite fond of her name. Nevertheless, she had always found ways to get back at them. There would be some days where her classmates would scream, suspiciously finding a dead spider in their bags, or finding cockroaches in their lunches. However, no one knew how it had happened, and Athenys would make sure of that, although there were some things that happened that even Athenys couldn't quite explain. Whenever the taunts had happened and she would return home with a disgruntled expression, her mother Helena had always reminded her what her name truly means, which every single time made her puff out her chest in pride.
"Athena is the Greek Goddess of Wisdom and War," she would whisper as she tucked a strand of Athenys's hair behind her ear, "She was known for her compassion and generosity."
Helena could always see her face light up every time she said that, eagerly waiting for her to continue telling the legends of the heroes and Gods, followed by stories of King Arthur and Merlin and many other legendary tales.
One day Athenys came home, and Helena watched as the young girl's sapphire blue eyes which were filled with curiosity flicker towards the fireplace. Athenys looked very much like her mother, dark olive skin, medium-length black wavy hair and a heart-shaped face with rather sharp features, although her cheeks were a little chubbier. All the same except for her eyes. Helena wonders if Athenys ever knew about slightest shade of violet which flashed in her eyes whenever she was in deep thought. It reminds Helena of Athenys's father every time, and leaves a painful ache in her throat. Helena had assumed she was thinking about a school quiz, after all for an 8-year-old, Athenys was quite dedicated to her schoolwork. The question her daughter asked her next proved otherwise.
"Mum, where's dad?"
She always asked this question whenever the schoolyard bullying went too far. Helena gave her the look she always gives whenever she is asked this question and turned back to the kitchen, and Athenys fell quiet for a few seconds, until…
"What was his name?"
Now there was a question she had never been asked before. Helena straightens her back and faces her daughter, "Why do you ask that, honey?"
"You're the one who told me not to answer a question with another question, Mum."
Huh, Clever girl.
A few minutes of silence overcame them, and Athenys couldn't stay silent for any longer. "Was his last name Seraphina?"
"No, honey, it wasn't. Your last name comes from me."
"What does it mean?"
"Burning fire." The young girl lifts one of her eyebrows with a look of awe and wonder, followed by the slight upward curve on the side of her mouth. Athenys knows her mother well enough to know that this conversation was best left finished there. She then disappears into her room and returns a few moments later as the smell of hot chocolate fills the house. She plops down on the couch, waiting for her mother to continue telling the legends of Merlin.