5024: Harry Potter, The Orphan Who Survived, Harry Evans/Potter, Meerlinda
Don’t forget about the first bi-annual Pottersues Contest which is replacing the old annual Pottersues Contest. The theme for said contest is Gamer Fic. Since Gamer Fic is a rather new concept in fanfic, I’ve added links to three entries which feature a Gamer Fic. I’m also working on a list of common traits we find in Sue stories which make them Sue stories called More Than Thirteen Reasons Why.
Title: Harry Potter, The Orphan Who Survived (The day after I posted this entry this was retitled with "Remastered" and the original version ended up posted to the site.)
Perpetrator: Cain Crimson-Blade
Sue-O-Meter: Awful (I actually had to get quite a few chapters in before I decided upon this rating.)
Cover/Banner Art: The writer took a picture of Radcliff with a beard and turned his eyes yellow.
Summary: “All Hallow's Eve, 1981 A cloaked woman passes a cloaked man whose intent to kill is dripping off him. Following him, she finds a house destroyed, and a baby boy inside, both parents dead on the floor. She takes the boy and leaves, and he isn't heard from again, until 1993, when he unexpectedly arrives at Hogwarts. Harry Potter, the Orphan Who Survived, isn't who everyone hoped for.”
Full Name: Harry Evans/Potter, Meerlinda (For a moment I thought the writer actually had another Evans take Harry in.)
Species: She’s a professor at the school whose a vampire, yet I can’t for the life figure out what she teaches. Harry’s a vampire, but the story tries saying he’s not.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: Harry’s eyes described as an “icy, emerald green eyes”. I know the writer is trying to say Harry has an icy attitude towards people, but when people think of icy eyes they typically think of the eye color and not the character’s attitude. Ron and Harry aren’t friends in this and Ron is upset Harry bumped into him.
Markings: For some reason Harry’s scar is “seemingly irritated”. I’m not going to actually post a link to images of a scar that actually seems irritated because they’re rather gross. The yellow-eyed demon is around fourteen to fifteen, but the female character is described as this later on despite the writer clearly saying she was fifteen. “Harry simply nodded and grasped the doorknob. Looking at his right hand, Albus could clearly see a black shape on the back of it. A tattoo, as he recalled in was called. It was vegviser, a runic compass with which Albus was only vaguely familiar.” Given the picture is supposed to be this Harry
Possessions: This is said regarding the Weasley family. “They lost much of their fortune a century or two ago. Since then, they haven’t been doing much to regain it. They’re comfortable as they are, and don’t need money to feel good about themselves, unlike many other pure-blooded families.” He turned and looked at the boy. “Do you know much about our society?”
Connection to Canon: The first chapter starts off with Harry wandering around London and mention of a yellow-eyed demon rescuing a rape victim but killing off “several convicted murderers, rapists, and kidnappers”. Harry actually meets up with Dumbledore at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry knows enough to get by in magical society. There is discussion of Harry disappearing. He arrives late and someone asks if he thinks he’s too good to sit with the lower class. (The original plot is rather dropped) They think he might be a male veela. For some reason they’re learning magic that they did at age eleven now at age thirteen? Rather plot-what-plot, but everyone thinks something is off regarding Harry. The last chapter is pretty much an info dump regarding his powers. He pretty much has a melt down because someone ordered him to the school and he complains about how someone forced him to drink.
Origin: Today’s entry is a crossover with World of Darkness. Think D&D, but with a horror setting instead of fantasy. We also have yet another story where someone steals Harry away.
Special Abilities: How is the ministry not getting involved with this yellow-eyed demon business. I also don’t like the fact “this individual has saved a girl’s life, dignity, and possibly her sanity”. I get the fact she wasn’t actually raped, but she was still sexually assaulted and that still has lasting effects on someone. The description given later on indicates that her clothes were shredded. Vampires don’t work the same way? For example, Harry drinking her blood doesn’t make him a vampire? This is because “he could not learn the dark and noble art of Thaumaturgy as he could not learn the dark and noble art of Thaumaturgy as he could the lesser, more ingrained powers of the vampire’s blood.” Um, no. He’s still a vampire. I tried seeing if there was something in the games which allowed this - and no. Sounds like a convenient attempt to try and circumvent the negative but have the positive. One of these is not being able to age, yet at the same time Harry also looks older than he should.
Notes: This writer really needs to learn to use their vocabulary better. I’m not two paragraphs in and there are two issues regarding the description. In fact, a major problem lies with how things are presented and the fact they don’t mean what the writer thinks they do. By the way, the whole plot device introduced in the first chapter? It was never brought up again in the seven chapters.
Sample:
The Yellow-Eyed Demon
August 3rd, 1993
London, England
A boy with short, black, messy hair walked through the throng of people on the London streets at night, his icy, emerald green eyes flittering about, landing on people's hands, pockets, waists, and chests, seemingly in constant search of any kind of weaponry. His body was covered by a dark Henley shirt and a black leather jacket, and his jeans were a dark grey. Finishing the ensemble was a pair of black trainers. A red, seemingly irritated scar in the shape of the lightning bolt occasionally peeked out from under his hair, marring his otherwise seemingly flawless forehead.
He strode confidently down the street, his hands in his pockets. The sound of a radio reporting on several murders reached his ears, and he briefly stopped up and listened intently to the radio broadcast for almost a minute, drawing a few awkward looks, and then continued on with the barest hints of a smirk.
•••
"Earlier this week, a girl aged fifteen walked into a London police station with torn clothes, on the brink of a mental breakdown," the English, female voice on radio spoke clearly. "When she calmed down, she was able to inform the police that she had been assaulted and nearly raped by a man, whose body the police recovered later when the girl told them where the assault took place. The girl, whose name remains confidential to protect her identity and the identity of her family, has confirmed to the police that she was saved from her attacker by a boy around her own age. She claims that her saviour was a boy, fourteen or fifteen at most, with dark hair and dark clothes. While it is almost certain that she has suffered traumatically, and as such may have altered memories of the event, she swears that his eyes were yellow and glowing in the darkness.
"However, an anonymous source claims that similar cases have been investigated in the past few months; several convicted murderers, rapists, and kidnappers have been found dead, some of which were seen killed by, and I quote, 'a single shot to the forehead in execution by a yellow-eyed, cold-blooded demon'. While this individual has saved a girl's life, dignity, and possibly her sanity, as well as killed individuals who committed heinous crimes, he has been reported to have killed these individuals, who reportedly number around twenty to thirty, he is still a cold-blooded murderer. If you see the Yellow-Eyed Demon, report it to the police immediately. He is armed and dangerous, despite reports suggesting a young age."
The older man standing behind the bar counter looked sceptically at the radio before he reached over and changed stations. After that, he went back to wiping the wet, sticky counter. He had better things to do than listen to ridiculous radio hosts spouting supernatural nonsense.
Title: Harry Potter, The Orphan Who Survived (The day after I posted this entry this was retitled with "Remastered" and the original version ended up posted to the site.)
Perpetrator: Cain Crimson-Blade
Sue-O-Meter: Awful (I actually had to get quite a few chapters in before I decided upon this rating.)
Cover/Banner Art: The writer took a picture of Radcliff with a beard and turned his eyes yellow.
Summary: “All Hallow's Eve, 1981 A cloaked woman passes a cloaked man whose intent to kill is dripping off him. Following him, she finds a house destroyed, and a baby boy inside, both parents dead on the floor. She takes the boy and leaves, and he isn't heard from again, until 1993, when he unexpectedly arrives at Hogwarts. Harry Potter, the Orphan Who Survived, isn't who everyone hoped for.”
Full Name: Harry Evans/Potter, Meerlinda (For a moment I thought the writer actually had another Evans take Harry in.)
Species: She’s a professor at the school whose a vampire, yet I can’t for the life figure out what she teaches. Harry’s a vampire, but the story tries saying he’s not.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: Harry’s eyes described as an “icy, emerald green eyes”. I know the writer is trying to say Harry has an icy attitude towards people, but when people think of icy eyes they typically think of the eye color and not the character’s attitude. Ron and Harry aren’t friends in this and Ron is upset Harry bumped into him.
Markings: For some reason Harry’s scar is “seemingly irritated”. I’m not going to actually post a link to images of a scar that actually seems irritated because they’re rather gross. The yellow-eyed demon is around fourteen to fifteen, but the female character is described as this later on despite the writer clearly saying she was fifteen. “Harry simply nodded and grasped the doorknob. Looking at his right hand, Albus could clearly see a black shape on the back of it. A tattoo, as he recalled in was called. It was vegviser, a runic compass with which Albus was only vaguely familiar.” Given the picture is supposed to be this Harry
Possessions: This is said regarding the Weasley family. “They lost much of their fortune a century or two ago. Since then, they haven’t been doing much to regain it. They’re comfortable as they are, and don’t need money to feel good about themselves, unlike many other pure-blooded families.” He turned and looked at the boy. “Do you know much about our society?”
Connection to Canon: The first chapter starts off with Harry wandering around London and mention of a yellow-eyed demon rescuing a rape victim but killing off “several convicted murderers, rapists, and kidnappers”. Harry actually meets up with Dumbledore at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry knows enough to get by in magical society. There is discussion of Harry disappearing. He arrives late and someone asks if he thinks he’s too good to sit with the lower class. (The original plot is rather dropped) They think he might be a male veela. For some reason they’re learning magic that they did at age eleven now at age thirteen? Rather plot-what-plot, but everyone thinks something is off regarding Harry. The last chapter is pretty much an info dump regarding his powers. He pretty much has a melt down because someone ordered him to the school and he complains about how someone forced him to drink.
Origin: Today’s entry is a crossover with World of Darkness. Think D&D, but with a horror setting instead of fantasy. We also have yet another story where someone steals Harry away.
Special Abilities: How is the ministry not getting involved with this yellow-eyed demon business. I also don’t like the fact “this individual has saved a girl’s life, dignity, and possibly her sanity”. I get the fact she wasn’t actually raped, but she was still sexually assaulted and that still has lasting effects on someone. The description given later on indicates that her clothes were shredded. Vampires don’t work the same way? For example, Harry drinking her blood doesn’t make him a vampire? This is because “he could not learn the dark and noble art of Thaumaturgy as he could not learn the dark and noble art of Thaumaturgy as he could the lesser, more ingrained powers of the vampire’s blood.” Um, no. He’s still a vampire. I tried seeing if there was something in the games which allowed this - and no. Sounds like a convenient attempt to try and circumvent the negative but have the positive. One of these is not being able to age, yet at the same time Harry also looks older than he should.
Notes: This writer really needs to learn to use their vocabulary better. I’m not two paragraphs in and there are two issues regarding the description. In fact, a major problem lies with how things are presented and the fact they don’t mean what the writer thinks they do. By the way, the whole plot device introduced in the first chapter? It was never brought up again in the seven chapters.
Sample:
The Yellow-Eyed Demon
August 3rd, 1993
London, England
A boy with short, black, messy hair walked through the throng of people on the London streets at night, his icy, emerald green eyes flittering about, landing on people's hands, pockets, waists, and chests, seemingly in constant search of any kind of weaponry. His body was covered by a dark Henley shirt and a black leather jacket, and his jeans were a dark grey. Finishing the ensemble was a pair of black trainers. A red, seemingly irritated scar in the shape of the lightning bolt occasionally peeked out from under his hair, marring his otherwise seemingly flawless forehead.
He strode confidently down the street, his hands in his pockets. The sound of a radio reporting on several murders reached his ears, and he briefly stopped up and listened intently to the radio broadcast for almost a minute, drawing a few awkward looks, and then continued on with the barest hints of a smirk.
•••
"Earlier this week, a girl aged fifteen walked into a London police station with torn clothes, on the brink of a mental breakdown," the English, female voice on radio spoke clearly. "When she calmed down, she was able to inform the police that she had been assaulted and nearly raped by a man, whose body the police recovered later when the girl told them where the assault took place. The girl, whose name remains confidential to protect her identity and the identity of her family, has confirmed to the police that she was saved from her attacker by a boy around her own age. She claims that her saviour was a boy, fourteen or fifteen at most, with dark hair and dark clothes. While it is almost certain that she has suffered traumatically, and as such may have altered memories of the event, she swears that his eyes were yellow and glowing in the darkness.
"However, an anonymous source claims that similar cases have been investigated in the past few months; several convicted murderers, rapists, and kidnappers have been found dead, some of which were seen killed by, and I quote, 'a single shot to the forehead in execution by a yellow-eyed, cold-blooded demon'. While this individual has saved a girl's life, dignity, and possibly her sanity, as well as killed individuals who committed heinous crimes, he has been reported to have killed these individuals, who reportedly number around twenty to thirty, he is still a cold-blooded murderer. If you see the Yellow-Eyed Demon, report it to the police immediately. He is armed and dangerous, despite reports suggesting a young age."
The older man standing behind the bar counter looked sceptically at the radio before he reached over and changed stations. After that, he went back to wiping the wet, sticky counter. He had better things to do than listen to ridiculous radio hosts spouting supernatural nonsense.