4484: When Life Ends, A New Hope Begins - Harry Potter/Ares Crucrem, Lord Cruorem
One of the minions informed me the writer of one of the entries deleted their story and wrote something new. Why feature it?
Title: When Life Ends, A New Hope Begins (Yup. That’s the same title as before.)
Perpetrator: Forsaken Wolf C.A
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Twenty-Eight-Year-Old Harry Potter is given the chance to change the past. When he sends himself back in time in a desperate bid to rewrite his past. How will Snape cope with double the trouble?”
Full Name: Harry Potter/Ares Cruorem, Lord Cruorem
Species: This time instead of being Harry’s twin he’s now Harry Potter. Except Harry becomes his own twin thanks to forging a birth certificate. They both vampires.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: “His sclera turned pure black and his irises began glowing like emerald flames that when angered they would ignite with cold fury that reflected hard earned survival and his stance exuded the barely contained violence of an angry lion.”
Markings: “As a double set of sharp, retractable, fangs emerged in the place human canine and premolar, teeth were once situated.” Later we get “Harry unbuttoned his shirt and grabbed the knife. He looked down at his body that was littered with old battle scars and covered in blood sigils. So, far Harry had drawn a permanent enhanced bone mass and physical fitness sigil on his chest, a temporary magical tracer blocker sigil on his wand arm to prevent the ministry detecting under-age magic, a shape-shifting sigil on his torso that gave him limited Metamorphmagus abilities such as retractable fangs and a semi-controllable shift in eye colour, a permanent mourning sigil on the side of his neck that is worn in honour of his parents and those that had died during the first and second wizarding world, a permanent warrior sigil on the opposite side of his neck that is worn as a symbol of honour of victory in battle or war. And lastly, was a temporary empowerment sigil on his back that gives him a slight magical boost.” There is also a black tattoo.
Possessions: We’ve yet another story which involves blood pentagrams despite the fact this isn’t canon. We’re also expected this pentagram allows time travel and Harry doesn’t need a time turner simply because the writer decided to make up their own rules because the ones Rowling created for her world weren’t good enough. He has a “black cord necklace with a silver signet ring that has a square black onyx stone with the Cruorem family coat of arms engraved as proof of his claim.” He of course gets money from Cruorem to buy clothes so he doesn’t look “like some common street urchin.” Instead of just two wants there are now three. His wand is African Blackwood, but Ollivander says “I was lead to believe that the phoenix only give its feathers to two wands.”
Connection to Canon: A twenty-eight year old Harry Potter whines about how “a longer life isn’t always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you.” Harry doesn’t care if fixing the past to his liking means Voldemort is alive. He’s in pain as he travels. Harry wakes up in a tomb and meets up with this Lord Cruorem again. He’s apparently some kind of undead thing. He asks the past Lord Cruorem to hear him out and allowe him to “rewrite my past and set things right having learned from my past mistakes.” Cruorem then makes this Harry now the twin brother of Harry Potter. How Harry proves himself to be telling the truth makes no sense at all. He produces a fake birth certificate and then decides to submit to a truth sigil. (Why is a sigil needed when there is already Veritaserum. Turns out the “sigil” is Veritaserum. (Stuthor, the word sigil does not mean what you think it does.) The second chapter is basically showing how amazing this Harry is. (This character isn’t Harry though, but an OC pretending to be him.) Chapter three is him getting into the vaults of Cruerem. He goes and gets a wand from Olivander. How could he not know about this wand? He runs into someone who is pleased to find out Cruorem has an heir and that Harry is a Sanrier. The last of the chapters up starts with a sentence saying, “over the next 11 weeks had used his time wisely to practice occluding his mind, using Legillmency on unsuspecting muggles as well as learning to wield a different branch of Blood magic.” Why would Harry want to go evil? He hangs out at a pub which isn’t the normal pub, but Harry is also guilty of underaged drinking. Why?
Origin: I’m not sure if you can call this a rewrite as the plot is completely different. “I came from seventeen years in the future; the year was 2008. We met in 2005 during my time as an Auror hence the battle scar,” He said gesturing to the long, jagged scar running down the side of his face and across his left eye with a reminiscing look about his face “Long story short you became my mentor and friend. And I became your protégé and heir.” He has a “shape-shifting sigil and enhanced condition sigil”.
Special Abilities: We’ve yet another story where we’re expected to pity Harry because his life is so horrible, and he can’t go on in life. We’re also supposed to believe that Harry’s over pessimistic mantra of woe be me is far worse than Voldemort living to make the lives of a whole lot of other people super miserable. Talk about self-centered. Apparently “blood sigils required a weakness payment in order to activate the sigils. He would have to weaken himself temporarily to become strong.” (Yeah, no. I think the writer is trying to counter the strengths with weaknesses thinking that adding any kind of weakness will make the character not a Gary Stu. That is far from true.)
Notes: I wish writers would stop making canon characters suicidal just, so they can have over dramatic angst. I also wish this writer would stop making random stuff up.
Sample:
Harry stood before an enormous pentagram that had been drawn in his own blood on the middle of the cold stone floor.
"This is very Dark Magic, Harry. Time-related magic is unstable. There's no guarantee this ritual of yours will work and even if you do succeed in your suicide mission. The repercussions of traveling back in time to alter your own timeline would create an alternative reality. You have no idea how this will affect the future".
"No kidding, Tyranus!" came the sarcastic reply.
"I know that many would jump at the chance to change their past", he commented. "Especially one that has as much…horror in it as yours does. But your past will remain the same, no matter what you do. It wouldn't change everything you've already seen or everything you've already lived through my young protégé".
Harry sighed heavily and ran a hand over his weary face "I know old friend, I'm old enough to know now that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you. This is my chance to fix the past.
"Even if it means Voldemort would still be alive?" Questioned Lord Cruorem
Harry nodded solemnly and said, "Yes, even if it means I have to re-do it all over again. I will in the sake of saving my younger self from a fate worse than death…"
Title: When Life Ends, A New Hope Begins (Yup. That’s the same title as before.)
Perpetrator: Forsaken Wolf C.A
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Twenty-Eight-Year-Old Harry Potter is given the chance to change the past. When he sends himself back in time in a desperate bid to rewrite his past. How will Snape cope with double the trouble?”
Full Name: Harry Potter/Ares Cruorem, Lord Cruorem
Species: This time instead of being Harry’s twin he’s now Harry Potter. Except Harry becomes his own twin thanks to forging a birth certificate. They both vampires.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: “His sclera turned pure black and his irises began glowing like emerald flames that when angered they would ignite with cold fury that reflected hard earned survival and his stance exuded the barely contained violence of an angry lion.”
Markings: “As a double set of sharp, retractable, fangs emerged in the place human canine and premolar, teeth were once situated.” Later we get “Harry unbuttoned his shirt and grabbed the knife. He looked down at his body that was littered with old battle scars and covered in blood sigils. So, far Harry had drawn a permanent enhanced bone mass and physical fitness sigil on his chest, a temporary magical tracer blocker sigil on his wand arm to prevent the ministry detecting under-age magic, a shape-shifting sigil on his torso that gave him limited Metamorphmagus abilities such as retractable fangs and a semi-controllable shift in eye colour, a permanent mourning sigil on the side of his neck that is worn in honour of his parents and those that had died during the first and second wizarding world, a permanent warrior sigil on the opposite side of his neck that is worn as a symbol of honour of victory in battle or war. And lastly, was a temporary empowerment sigil on his back that gives him a slight magical boost.” There is also a black tattoo.
Possessions: We’ve yet another story which involves blood pentagrams despite the fact this isn’t canon. We’re also expected this pentagram allows time travel and Harry doesn’t need a time turner simply because the writer decided to make up their own rules because the ones Rowling created for her world weren’t good enough. He has a “black cord necklace with a silver signet ring that has a square black onyx stone with the Cruorem family coat of arms engraved as proof of his claim.” He of course gets money from Cruorem to buy clothes so he doesn’t look “like some common street urchin.” Instead of just two wants there are now three. His wand is African Blackwood, but Ollivander says “I was lead to believe that the phoenix only give its feathers to two wands.”
Connection to Canon: A twenty-eight year old Harry Potter whines about how “a longer life isn’t always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you.” Harry doesn’t care if fixing the past to his liking means Voldemort is alive. He’s in pain as he travels. Harry wakes up in a tomb and meets up with this Lord Cruorem again. He’s apparently some kind of undead thing. He asks the past Lord Cruorem to hear him out and allowe him to “rewrite my past and set things right having learned from my past mistakes.” Cruorem then makes this Harry now the twin brother of Harry Potter. How Harry proves himself to be telling the truth makes no sense at all. He produces a fake birth certificate and then decides to submit to a truth sigil. (Why is a sigil needed when there is already Veritaserum. Turns out the “sigil” is Veritaserum. (Stuthor, the word sigil does not mean what you think it does.) The second chapter is basically showing how amazing this Harry is. (This character isn’t Harry though, but an OC pretending to be him.) Chapter three is him getting into the vaults of Cruerem. He goes and gets a wand from Olivander. How could he not know about this wand? He runs into someone who is pleased to find out Cruorem has an heir and that Harry is a Sanrier. The last of the chapters up starts with a sentence saying, “over the next 11 weeks had used his time wisely to practice occluding his mind, using Legillmency on unsuspecting muggles as well as learning to wield a different branch of Blood magic.” Why would Harry want to go evil? He hangs out at a pub which isn’t the normal pub, but Harry is also guilty of underaged drinking. Why?
Origin: I’m not sure if you can call this a rewrite as the plot is completely different. “I came from seventeen years in the future; the year was 2008. We met in 2005 during my time as an Auror hence the battle scar,” He said gesturing to the long, jagged scar running down the side of his face and across his left eye with a reminiscing look about his face “Long story short you became my mentor and friend. And I became your protégé and heir.” He has a “shape-shifting sigil and enhanced condition sigil”.
Special Abilities: We’ve yet another story where we’re expected to pity Harry because his life is so horrible, and he can’t go on in life. We’re also supposed to believe that Harry’s over pessimistic mantra of woe be me is far worse than Voldemort living to make the lives of a whole lot of other people super miserable. Talk about self-centered. Apparently “blood sigils required a weakness payment in order to activate the sigils. He would have to weaken himself temporarily to become strong.” (Yeah, no. I think the writer is trying to counter the strengths with weaknesses thinking that adding any kind of weakness will make the character not a Gary Stu. That is far from true.)
Notes: I wish writers would stop making canon characters suicidal just, so they can have over dramatic angst. I also wish this writer would stop making random stuff up.
Sample:
Harry stood before an enormous pentagram that had been drawn in his own blood on the middle of the cold stone floor.
"This is very Dark Magic, Harry. Time-related magic is unstable. There's no guarantee this ritual of yours will work and even if you do succeed in your suicide mission. The repercussions of traveling back in time to alter your own timeline would create an alternative reality. You have no idea how this will affect the future".
"No kidding, Tyranus!" came the sarcastic reply.
"I know that many would jump at the chance to change their past", he commented. "Especially one that has as much…horror in it as yours does. But your past will remain the same, no matter what you do. It wouldn't change everything you've already seen or everything you've already lived through my young protégé".
Harry sighed heavily and ran a hand over his weary face "I know old friend, I'm old enough to know now that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you. This is my chance to fix the past.
"Even if it means Voldemort would still be alive?" Questioned Lord Cruorem
Harry nodded solemnly and said, "Yes, even if it means I have to re-do it all over again. I will in the sake of saving my younger self from a fate worse than death…"