4438: Astronomy Towers - Halle
Title: Astronomy Towers
Perpetrator: theabbycadabra
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “She was the stereotypical wallflower: shy, socially inept, and unnoticed. But with a certain span of events, she finds herself pushed off the edge of nonexistence and much to her surprise, in the arms of Sirius Black. Unfolding into a Hogwarts life she's never known, she struggles between friends and enemies, and the sudden spotlight, much to her chagrin. SiriusxOC LilyxJames”
Full Name: Halle
Species: She squeaks when she talks, so I guess she’s a mouse.
Hair: See markings.
Eyes: See markings.
Markings: “And me. I’m not particularly pretty, not particularly smart, not particularly talented…I’m just nothing in particular. With my black glasses that shrink my eyes down to two times their size, my straight brown hair, and my nothing in particular figure, it’s no wonder nobody knows who I am. I’m plain, I’m socially inept, and always overlooked.” Look, adding flaws to your Mary Sue won’t make them not a Mary Sue. If there is nothing interesting about your character, why would anybody want to read about them, let alone date them?
Possessions: Nothing specific.
Connection to Canon: She’s to end up dating Sirus, but she’s one of those plain Jane characters who tries pretending her “stereotypical wallflowerness” makes her not a Mary Sue. While there is only one chapter, the story really has no plot and focuses to much on how boring the Sue is and then goes into how boring she is and her having a ton of angst over being a Plain Jane. That doesn’t bode well
Origin: Does Hogwarts have warning bells? The writing comes across as a cheesy high school drama.
Special Abilities: When a character says or thinks something like “the Marauders are like the gods of Hogwarts” you’ve got a problem. The name isn’t something known outside of the group.
Notes: Can you point out the clues in the summary that this one is a Mary Sue?
Sample:
I'm a member of the Gryffindor house, supposedly noble, never wavering, and forever proud...except I'm not that kind of girl. Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and along with the rest of my House, are all so outspoken and brave. I'm already in my fifth year and yet, I feel more cowardly than the First Years who arrived at Hogwarts as insecure, nervous students. I don't understand why exactly the Sorting Hat had put me into Gryffindor; it had barely said a word as it searched my brain and supposedly found something that was worthy of being put into Gryffindor.
I run my hands through my brown hair nervously as I walk back and forth the corridor of the Hogwarts express, trying to the compartment that my friends are in. I'm trying to be inconspicuous as possible; I don't want it to look as if I have nowhere to be. I quickly peek through every compartment window, and just as I'm about to make another round backwards, I spot a flash of red hair.
I peer into the compartment and my brow furrows immediately. I can recognize Lily's orangey/reddish hair from anywhere, but she's sitting with the Marauders, crammed in between James and Peter. She looks highly uncomfortable and scowls at James as he tries to casually drape his arm around her shoulder. Typical James, I think, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
Lily hates the Marauders, with an exception of Remus (and on the good days, maybe Peter), so what is she doing there?
Perpetrator: theabbycadabra
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “She was the stereotypical wallflower: shy, socially inept, and unnoticed. But with a certain span of events, she finds herself pushed off the edge of nonexistence and much to her surprise, in the arms of Sirius Black. Unfolding into a Hogwarts life she's never known, she struggles between friends and enemies, and the sudden spotlight, much to her chagrin. SiriusxOC LilyxJames”
Full Name: Halle
Species: She squeaks when she talks, so I guess she’s a mouse.
Hair: See markings.
Eyes: See markings.
Markings: “And me. I’m not particularly pretty, not particularly smart, not particularly talented…I’m just nothing in particular. With my black glasses that shrink my eyes down to two times their size, my straight brown hair, and my nothing in particular figure, it’s no wonder nobody knows who I am. I’m plain, I’m socially inept, and always overlooked.” Look, adding flaws to your Mary Sue won’t make them not a Mary Sue. If there is nothing interesting about your character, why would anybody want to read about them, let alone date them?
Possessions: Nothing specific.
Connection to Canon: She’s to end up dating Sirus, but she’s one of those plain Jane characters who tries pretending her “stereotypical wallflowerness” makes her not a Mary Sue. While there is only one chapter, the story really has no plot and focuses to much on how boring the Sue is and then goes into how boring she is and her having a ton of angst over being a Plain Jane. That doesn’t bode well
Origin: Does Hogwarts have warning bells? The writing comes across as a cheesy high school drama.
Special Abilities: When a character says or thinks something like “the Marauders are like the gods of Hogwarts” you’ve got a problem. The name isn’t something known outside of the group.
Notes: Can you point out the clues in the summary that this one is a Mary Sue?
Sample:
I'm a member of the Gryffindor house, supposedly noble, never wavering, and forever proud...except I'm not that kind of girl. Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and along with the rest of my House, are all so outspoken and brave. I'm already in my fifth year and yet, I feel more cowardly than the First Years who arrived at Hogwarts as insecure, nervous students. I don't understand why exactly the Sorting Hat had put me into Gryffindor; it had barely said a word as it searched my brain and supposedly found something that was worthy of being put into Gryffindor.
I run my hands through my brown hair nervously as I walk back and forth the corridor of the Hogwarts express, trying to the compartment that my friends are in. I'm trying to be inconspicuous as possible; I don't want it to look as if I have nowhere to be. I quickly peek through every compartment window, and just as I'm about to make another round backwards, I spot a flash of red hair.
I peer into the compartment and my brow furrows immediately. I can recognize Lily's orangey/reddish hair from anywhere, but she's sitting with the Marauders, crammed in between James and Peter. She looks highly uncomfortable and scowls at James as he tries to casually drape his arm around her shoulder. Typical James, I think, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
Lily hates the Marauders, with an exception of Remus (and on the good days, maybe Peter), so what is she doing there?