0370: High FLyingAdored - Daisy Bell
You know how one of the defining characteristics of Mary-Sues is that everybody loves 'em? Well, I've never seen a better example.
TITLE: High FlyingAdored
PERPETRATOR: dreamer17
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
FULL NAME: Daisy Bell
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Her golden hair had grown and now hung in defined waves around her face.'
EYES: 'Her turquoise eyes smiled and danced, lighting up her whole face.' I'm picturing these two eyeballs with vaudeville hats and canes, doing a tap dance and telling corny jokes...
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: Oliver Wood
ORIGIN: Oliver Wood's former best friend, who went off to 'Merlin's Academy of Figure Broomstick Racing' (the hell...?) for three years and is now back at Hogwarts, ten times more beautiful than ever!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Everybody loves her. I mean everybody. Oliver is angsting because he's hot for her but she's his best friend.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: 1337 Quidditch skills. Making everybody at Hogwarts think she's the greatest thing ever.
NOTES: Most 'toxics' get that way by being badly-written... this isn't quite that terrible, but it still rates on sheer Sue Factor. I haven't seen this many of the clichés met in one story since Ron and the Potion of Sacrifice. The Mary-Sue is unbelievably gorgeous, amazingly talented, and adored by all (except, of course, for the evil people)... you don't often find such an exemplary Sparklypoo. I wish I could believe that both the story and the reviews are sarcastic, but I can't.
SAMPLE:
HIGH FLYING.ADORED
Chapter 1
* "Ahem." Professor Mc Gonnagal looked around the room disapprovingly. "Mr. Wood, if you'd care to dispose of that ridiculous hat before this class ends, I'd be most gratified.Thank you."
Professor Mc Gonnagal waited for silence. "Now, I have some news that I'm sure will cause a riot but nevertheless." She smiled wearily. "Daisy Bell will be returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays; at this stage she is due to arrive sometime on New Years Eve-"
Mc Gonnagal paused as excited whispers broke out all over the classroom. "For those who don't know," the professor spoke to two new students, "Daisy has been on exchange to Merlin's Academy of Figure Broomstick Racing."
The noise grew and then abruptly stopped as Professor Mc Gonnagal sent a stream of gold sparks flying across the room. "Thank you. Judging by your excitement, I have no doubt that Daisy will find it easy to back into Hogwarts. That is all." With that she transformed into a cat and stalked briskly out of the classroom.
The fourth years again erupted into excited speech as they flocked out of the classroom, towards the Great Hall.
"Ooh I'm so excited!"
"How good is it gonna be to have Dais back!"
"She said in a letter that she's changed a bit - She says she's lost her puppy fat! Like she had any in the first place!"
"Nah, I'm sure she's still a champ!"
"I can't wait to see her! Do you know they don't have hols at Merlin's?"
"Yeah that's why she isn't coming back right after Christmas. Her parents wanted to see her a bit."
"Well if she was my child, I'd send her to a place where she'd never come back. I don't know why you're all so happy.filthy little mudblood."
Silence.
Jezzabelle Catz, a sneering Slytherin girl who looked like a sucked mango pip with her dyed orange hair and pointy features stepped forward and was about to continue when someone else spoke -
"She's a pureblood you snob. Get over your jealousy. We all know you wanted her exchange. Hate to disillusion you Jez, but Daisy, blindfolded, after three butterbeers; flies better than you do, even after your five years with a personal trainer. "
Oliver Wood said this casually but the impact on Jezzabelle was enormous. She turned pink and shut up like a clam, not daring to say another word.
"Hear! Hear!" called Angelica Spinnet.
"Harsh!" said Dean Jordan chuckling.
"Well she needed a wake up call!" smiled the Quidditch Captain as he sat down at the table.
He and Daisy had been best friends since they were two. They used to spend hours together flying and talking.lots of talking. He wondered if she really had changed over the last year and a half. Well, he'd just have to wait and see.
TITLE: High FlyingAdored
PERPETRATOR: dreamer17
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
FULL NAME: Daisy Bell
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Her golden hair had grown and now hung in defined waves around her face.'
EYES: 'Her turquoise eyes smiled and danced, lighting up her whole face.' I'm picturing these two eyeballs with vaudeville hats and canes, doing a tap dance and telling corny jokes...
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: Oliver Wood
ORIGIN: Oliver Wood's former best friend, who went off to 'Merlin's Academy of Figure Broomstick Racing' (the hell...?) for three years and is now back at Hogwarts, ten times more beautiful than ever!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Everybody loves her. I mean everybody. Oliver is angsting because he's hot for her but she's his best friend.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: 1337 Quidditch skills. Making everybody at Hogwarts think she's the greatest thing ever.
NOTES: Most 'toxics' get that way by being badly-written... this isn't quite that terrible, but it still rates on sheer Sue Factor. I haven't seen this many of the clichés met in one story since Ron and the Potion of Sacrifice. The Mary-Sue is unbelievably gorgeous, amazingly talented, and adored by all (except, of course, for the evil people)... you don't often find such an exemplary Sparklypoo. I wish I could believe that both the story and the reviews are sarcastic, but I can't.
SAMPLE:
HIGH FLYING.ADORED
Chapter 1
* "Ahem." Professor Mc Gonnagal looked around the room disapprovingly. "Mr. Wood, if you'd care to dispose of that ridiculous hat before this class ends, I'd be most gratified.Thank you."
Professor Mc Gonnagal waited for silence. "Now, I have some news that I'm sure will cause a riot but nevertheless." She smiled wearily. "Daisy Bell will be returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays; at this stage she is due to arrive sometime on New Years Eve-"
Mc Gonnagal paused as excited whispers broke out all over the classroom. "For those who don't know," the professor spoke to two new students, "Daisy has been on exchange to Merlin's Academy of Figure Broomstick Racing."
The noise grew and then abruptly stopped as Professor Mc Gonnagal sent a stream of gold sparks flying across the room. "Thank you. Judging by your excitement, I have no doubt that Daisy will find it easy to back into Hogwarts. That is all." With that she transformed into a cat and stalked briskly out of the classroom.
The fourth years again erupted into excited speech as they flocked out of the classroom, towards the Great Hall.
"Ooh I'm so excited!"
"How good is it gonna be to have Dais back!"
"She said in a letter that she's changed a bit - She says she's lost her puppy fat! Like she had any in the first place!"
"Nah, I'm sure she's still a champ!"
"I can't wait to see her! Do you know they don't have hols at Merlin's?"
"Yeah that's why she isn't coming back right after Christmas. Her parents wanted to see her a bit."
"Well if she was my child, I'd send her to a place where she'd never come back. I don't know why you're all so happy.filthy little mudblood."
Silence.
Jezzabelle Catz, a sneering Slytherin girl who looked like a sucked mango pip with her dyed orange hair and pointy features stepped forward and was about to continue when someone else spoke -
"She's a pureblood you snob. Get over your jealousy. We all know you wanted her exchange. Hate to disillusion you Jez, but Daisy, blindfolded, after three butterbeers; flies better than you do, even after your five years with a personal trainer. "
Oliver Wood said this casually but the impact on Jezzabelle was enormous. She turned pink and shut up like a clam, not daring to say another word.
"Hear! Hear!" called Angelica Spinnet.
"Harsh!" said Dean Jordan chuckling.
"Well she needed a wake up call!" smiled the Quidditch Captain as he sat down at the table.
He and Daisy had been best friends since they were two. They used to spend hours together flying and talking.lots of talking. He wondered if she really had changed over the last year and a half. Well, he'd just have to wait and see.