4207: The Pheonix Knights and the Sorcerer's Stone - Alteo Potter and company
Title: The Pheonix Knights and the Sorcerer's Stone
Perpetrator: Xaldin - The Final Shadow
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: cards
Summary: “Harry and his twin brother Alteo grow up through the first ten years of their life believing they are normal children but as the story goes on they discover that they are pieces to the puzzle of an ancient legend long forgotten. No pairings. May also be slightly mary sue. I don't accept flames. Don't like don't read.”
Full Name: Alteo Potter, Taven, Conner and Elizabeth
Species: He’s a Copy Cat Stu. I'm thinking Altea, Conner and Elizabeth are going to be the Pheonix Knights.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: The first chapter is a rehash of the night Harry is dumped at the Dursley family. The second chapter has Dumbledore show up on top of McGonagall because the boys need to go school shopping, but pretty much kidnaps him. They are placed into the care of a person named Taven. In the third chapter we have a Conner and Elizabeth showing up. They’re going to Diagon Alley. That’s it so far.
Origin: Alteo is a Parasite Sue.
Special Abilities: The story isn’t yet at the toxic level I expected. This doesn't mean it won't go there.
Notes: Not only does the summary scream the character isn’t only slightly a Mary Sue like the writer claims, I don’t appreciate the rehash of the canon material going on in the first chapter.
Sample:
"Harry, Alteo" a new voice said from the table. His silvery beard hung down from the seat as his piercing blue eyes searched over the two young boys. The man's voice was serious and stern but at the same time it was reassuring.
Alteo was the first to gain the courage to speak. He however had taken some time to compose himself "How dyou know our names?"
Dumbledore chuckled softly "All will be explained in due time boys. For now I will introduce myself. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Which I assure you both is very real".
While both boys eyed Dumbledore skeptically it was Harry who spoke "Well if you're so magical...prove it".
The elderly man chuckled slightly then suddenly the Dursleys fridge iced over falling catastrophically to the ground. Just when their show was thought to be over the fridge burst into flame.
Perpetrator: Xaldin - The Final Shadow
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: cards
Summary: “Harry and his twin brother Alteo grow up through the first ten years of their life believing they are normal children but as the story goes on they discover that they are pieces to the puzzle of an ancient legend long forgotten. No pairings. May also be slightly mary sue. I don't accept flames. Don't like don't read.”
Full Name: Alteo Potter, Taven, Conner and Elizabeth
Species: He’s a Copy Cat Stu. I'm thinking Altea, Conner and Elizabeth are going to be the Pheonix Knights.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: The first chapter is a rehash of the night Harry is dumped at the Dursley family. The second chapter has Dumbledore show up on top of McGonagall because the boys need to go school shopping, but pretty much kidnaps him. They are placed into the care of a person named Taven. In the third chapter we have a Conner and Elizabeth showing up. They’re going to Diagon Alley. That’s it so far.
Origin: Alteo is a Parasite Sue.
Special Abilities: The story isn’t yet at the toxic level I expected. This doesn't mean it won't go there.
Notes: Not only does the summary scream the character isn’t only slightly a Mary Sue like the writer claims, I don’t appreciate the rehash of the canon material going on in the first chapter.
Sample:
"Harry, Alteo" a new voice said from the table. His silvery beard hung down from the seat as his piercing blue eyes searched over the two young boys. The man's voice was serious and stern but at the same time it was reassuring.
Alteo was the first to gain the courage to speak. He however had taken some time to compose himself "How dyou know our names?"
Dumbledore chuckled softly "All will be explained in due time boys. For now I will introduce myself. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Which I assure you both is very real".
While both boys eyed Dumbledore skeptically it was Harry who spoke "Well if you're so magical...prove it".
The elderly man chuckled slightly then suddenly the Dursleys fridge iced over falling catastrophically to the ground. Just when their show was thought to be over the fridge burst into flame.