4170: Loving Still Remains - Eloise Bae-Wulf
Here is another Sue from the FB section.
Title: Loving Still Remains
Perpetrator: thesituation016
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: It is a black and white picture of a girl sitting in a chair. I think it is supposed to be the Mary Sue.
Summary: “To pass her Care of Magical creatures class Eloise was assigned a Tutor, fellow Hufflepuff Newt Scamander. A rather shy and awkward young man that greatly contrasted with Eloise's brash and open nature. Friendship is formed and tested between the two of them as they face the world, sometimes together and sometime apart, but Loving Still Remains.”
Full Name: Eloise Bae-Wulf
Species: She’s the daughter of Balthazar Wulf.
Hair: “She had light blonde hair that fell in soft waved just below her shoulders…”
Eyes: “…almond shaped hazel green eyes…”
Markings: “… a fair complexion, full soft pink lips, a button nose, and a heart shaped face with high cheekbones.”
Possessions: Nothing specific. Okay, possible an atitude of the world revolving around them and everything bending to their whim because they can do no wrong kind of thing.
Connection to Canon: The story starts off with the reader getting an info dump regarding Eloise’ looks, but we’re also told she is “skimping” out on a class as a second year she shouldn’t even be taking. She also complains about not seeing how the class is important despite the fact this is a class one signs up for at the school. We’re then told “it was a very rare occurrence that a girl should make the quidditch team”, but that her father finds it barbaric to say the least, but she gets away with it because “her father had always been indulgent with her,” among other things. At her tutoring session, she finds Newt instantly interesting despite having not found the subject interesting before, and the fact he’s stumbling over what he says. Of course, a bully shows up and Eloise gets to be Newt’s hero, but also decides to teach him to fly. Which involves more of bully Donald of course. Skips to forth year - in fact, I suspect there is a lot of skipping regarding the years, though the year stops being identified after fifth year. Leta is now Eloise’s bully, yet - I’m a little bothered by the fact Eloise doesn’t at all seem like the type Leta would go after, but Leta brags that she’ll always be picked over Eloise. By the end, she realizes she’s fallen for Newt, but Newt is pretty much treated as the guilty one for spending time with Leta. Year five, she blabs that Leta’s been hurting the animals. You know, I get the fact Leta was the reason Newt got expelled, but I always thought the incident was more in lines with Hagrid’s expulsion. I never got the idea that Leta didn’t care about magical creatures, but was instead simply careless. Maybe she is as bitchy as the writer makes her, but I feel the characterization is a tad unfair, particularly since the character maligning given is to the Sues advantage. In the next chapter, she decides to run away with him, but has an Animagus form - savannah cat. At least, I think she’s running away, because there is no year. She then complains about how much her feelings hurt, so they can’t talk things over. (You know, I’d actually had some liking for this OC to this point, but that’s just callous, and if she’s got this kind of attitude, how is she supposed to have a good relationship with him?) The captain also talks about repairing their relationship. (Which honestly doesn’t make any sense, as Newt did nothing wrong, yet for some reason the Sue’s not at fault for getting mad because her friend had feelings for another girl. And again, my like for the OC is dropping.) A storm hits their ship, they forgive each other - actually, Eloise forgives Newt despite the fact he didn’t do anything wrong, but now he’s worried about losing her. Gag me, this is where I stop.
Origin: The writer doesn’t care about what they write beyond what the story holds for them regarding personal wish fulfillment value. Worse, I need to note this is the type of story which would have turned out to have just a bad rating, maybe an okay or good had the story simply stuck to the one issue that crops up in the summary - the fact Newt is infatuated with Leta while at school, so the idea of him being in a romantic relationship with an OC is just not believable, as it is an integral part of his character. Actually, no, the worst part is the fact the writer doesn’t care, but has a ton of potential. As I read the first chapter, I found a lot of issues could easily have been avoided had the writer payed attention to minor canon details, but paced the relationship development in a more realistic manner. Then, it skips to third year plot wise, and they’re steadfast friends. Leta shows, and Eloise is instantly jealous. Then, there is quite a bit of filler. Newt starts following after Leta, but she already knows that “Leta’s intentions with magical beasts was less than respectable, but what proof did she have.” Actually, what’s really bad is the beginning of the story has a lot of potential, but as I got farther into the story, we started delving more and more into the writer’s personal wish fulfillment of having Newt fawn over her self-insert, but her character not be wrong for - well, anything. Everyone else is. Pity the Suethor doesn’t realize that the problem with Mary Sues isn’t that they’re Mary Sues, but that certain Mary Sues venture into territory where the wish fulfillment isn’t cute anymore. I’ll actually take a Mary Sue with rainbow hair over a Mary Sue who in the long run ends up being the abuser in their relationship with a canon character. Said Mary Sue doesn’t need to be an OC either, but can be a canon character as well.
Special Abilities: Let’s start off with the fact she’s romancing Newt despite the fact he is infatuated with Leta. This is honestly up there with Suethor’s ignoring Snape’s infatuation with Lily. More specifically, the Suethor’s obviously like the canon character in question, otherwise they would not be pairing their OC with said canon character, so why do they ignore an important element to who the canon character is?
Notes: I’m sad to say, the writer is all to aware of the Mary Sue issues in her stories, but comes across a bit flippant about it on her profile. She says, “I hate it when someone reviews my writing and says the characters are Mary-Sue's. Well you know what, i'm not writing my stories for realism, i'm writing them for entertainment. If i want my character to be every freaking color of the rainbow with a pet tiger wolf dragon and a boyfriend who is the epitome of hotness that blows all other characters out of the water then i will. If you don't like it then don't read it and keep your generic comments to yourself!”
I honestly don’t care what the Suethor’s reasons for writing are. Once she posted said stories to the net, they weren’t for her personal entertainment anymore, but I’m not appreciative of their cocky attitude declaring, “I own nothing, but my OC’s. If I owned any of these stories I’d be filthy stinking rich,” only to have on their profile what they call “a curse on non-reviewers”.
To quote TV Tropes, “The trope is most commonly used by Fan Fic authors who Can’t Take Criticism and try to silence critics with this line. When ‘don’t like, don’t read’ is used this way, the problem is immediately obvious: how is the audience supposed to know they don’t like it if they haven’t read it?” In particular, we here at Pottersues tend to fall under the “So Bad, It’s Good” category, but there are other reasons why the “don’t like, don’t read” attitude is - when used this way - rudeness on the writer’s part.
Sample:
2nd year
Eloise grumbled to herself as she walked into the library, her care of Magical Creatures textbook tucked under her arm. She had light blonde hair that fell in soft waved just below her shoulders, almond shaped hazel green eyes, a fair complexion, full soft pink lips, a button nose, and a heart shaped face with high cheekbones.
Eloise had been skimping on her care of magical creature's class and it was starting to bite her in the butt. She just didn't see the importance of it compared to her Charms, potions, and transfiguration classes to name a few, they were what she needed for her dream career.
Her Professor for the class had taken it upon himself to assign her a tutor for the class to get her back up to snuff as he put it. Looking outside at the beautiful clear sky made her stomach sink even further. It would have been a perfect day for quidditch practice, to feel that crisp air against her face while speeding on a broom would be so much better than the stale air of the library.
It was a very rare occurrence that a girl should make the quidditch team, but Eloise had been determined and battled it out with three others to gain her position as a chaser on the Hufflepuff team. With her small size and penitent for speed they had tried to get her to become the team seeker, which failed miserable due to her short attention span. She just couldn't concentrate on looking for the snitch before her mind wondered and it passed her by without her notice.
There had been quite a few against women in quidditch, but it wasn't going to stop her. Even though she had proven herself her second year by scoring the winning goal against Slytherin, there were still those who thought it was distasteful and un-ladylike. It may not have been for the House Cup, but it was still pretty impressive to her.
Most of her family had been horrified that her father, Balthazar Wulf, allowed her to join such a barbaric sport, but her father had always been indulgent with her. Her mother was not in the picture as it was and he always wanted to make up for her lack of one in any way he could so she was a bit on the spoiled side.
Plopping down at one of the tables she let her legs dangle over one of the arm rest and her back leaned against the other with a conjured up pillow between her back and armrest for comfort. She pulled out her supplies setting it out on the table and leaned her cheek on her hand waiting for her tutor to show up. Eloise's fellow quidditch players who were on the field at that very moment couldn't have been more sympathetic, especially considering who her tutor was going to be.
Looking over to the side at the sound of hurried footsteps accompanied by the noise maker bumping into a few people alerted her to her tutor's upcoming presence. Setting his books down on the table next to her was none other than Newt Scamander, a hermit like fellow Hufflepuff who preferred animals to people.
He smiled nervously at her though he wouldn't look directly at her, his mouth opening and closing a few times while shuffling form foot to foot. He tried to gather his words, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of her. Eloise raised an eyebrow at him waiting for him to say or do something, but soon gave up.
"Maybe you should take a seat first?" Eloise offered with a raised eyebrow.
"Right." He hastily took the offered seat and held out his hand. "I'm Newt Scamander."
"Eloise Bae-Wulf." Eloise said while shaking his hand. "So how is this going to work?"
Title: Loving Still Remains
Perpetrator: thesituation016
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: It is a black and white picture of a girl sitting in a chair. I think it is supposed to be the Mary Sue.
Summary: “To pass her Care of Magical creatures class Eloise was assigned a Tutor, fellow Hufflepuff Newt Scamander. A rather shy and awkward young man that greatly contrasted with Eloise's brash and open nature. Friendship is formed and tested between the two of them as they face the world, sometimes together and sometime apart, but Loving Still Remains.”
Full Name: Eloise Bae-Wulf
Species: She’s the daughter of Balthazar Wulf.
Hair: “She had light blonde hair that fell in soft waved just below her shoulders…”
Eyes: “…almond shaped hazel green eyes…”
Markings: “… a fair complexion, full soft pink lips, a button nose, and a heart shaped face with high cheekbones.”
Possessions: Nothing specific. Okay, possible an atitude of the world revolving around them and everything bending to their whim because they can do no wrong kind of thing.
Connection to Canon: The story starts off with the reader getting an info dump regarding Eloise’ looks, but we’re also told she is “skimping” out on a class as a second year she shouldn’t even be taking. She also complains about not seeing how the class is important despite the fact this is a class one signs up for at the school. We’re then told “it was a very rare occurrence that a girl should make the quidditch team”, but that her father finds it barbaric to say the least, but she gets away with it because “her father had always been indulgent with her,” among other things. At her tutoring session, she finds Newt instantly interesting despite having not found the subject interesting before, and the fact he’s stumbling over what he says. Of course, a bully shows up and Eloise gets to be Newt’s hero, but also decides to teach him to fly. Which involves more of bully Donald of course. Skips to forth year - in fact, I suspect there is a lot of skipping regarding the years, though the year stops being identified after fifth year. Leta is now Eloise’s bully, yet - I’m a little bothered by the fact Eloise doesn’t at all seem like the type Leta would go after, but Leta brags that she’ll always be picked over Eloise. By the end, she realizes she’s fallen for Newt, but Newt is pretty much treated as the guilty one for spending time with Leta. Year five, she blabs that Leta’s been hurting the animals. You know, I get the fact Leta was the reason Newt got expelled, but I always thought the incident was more in lines with Hagrid’s expulsion. I never got the idea that Leta didn’t care about magical creatures, but was instead simply careless. Maybe she is as bitchy as the writer makes her, but I feel the characterization is a tad unfair, particularly since the character maligning given is to the Sues advantage. In the next chapter, she decides to run away with him, but has an Animagus form - savannah cat. At least, I think she’s running away, because there is no year. She then complains about how much her feelings hurt, so they can’t talk things over. (You know, I’d actually had some liking for this OC to this point, but that’s just callous, and if she’s got this kind of attitude, how is she supposed to have a good relationship with him?) The captain also talks about repairing their relationship. (Which honestly doesn’t make any sense, as Newt did nothing wrong, yet for some reason the Sue’s not at fault for getting mad because her friend had feelings for another girl. And again, my like for the OC is dropping.) A storm hits their ship, they forgive each other - actually, Eloise forgives Newt despite the fact he didn’t do anything wrong, but now he’s worried about losing her. Gag me, this is where I stop.
Origin: The writer doesn’t care about what they write beyond what the story holds for them regarding personal wish fulfillment value. Worse, I need to note this is the type of story which would have turned out to have just a bad rating, maybe an okay or good had the story simply stuck to the one issue that crops up in the summary - the fact Newt is infatuated with Leta while at school, so the idea of him being in a romantic relationship with an OC is just not believable, as it is an integral part of his character. Actually, no, the worst part is the fact the writer doesn’t care, but has a ton of potential. As I read the first chapter, I found a lot of issues could easily have been avoided had the writer payed attention to minor canon details, but paced the relationship development in a more realistic manner. Then, it skips to third year plot wise, and they’re steadfast friends. Leta shows, and Eloise is instantly jealous. Then, there is quite a bit of filler. Newt starts following after Leta, but she already knows that “Leta’s intentions with magical beasts was less than respectable, but what proof did she have.” Actually, what’s really bad is the beginning of the story has a lot of potential, but as I got farther into the story, we started delving more and more into the writer’s personal wish fulfillment of having Newt fawn over her self-insert, but her character not be wrong for - well, anything. Everyone else is. Pity the Suethor doesn’t realize that the problem with Mary Sues isn’t that they’re Mary Sues, but that certain Mary Sues venture into territory where the wish fulfillment isn’t cute anymore. I’ll actually take a Mary Sue with rainbow hair over a Mary Sue who in the long run ends up being the abuser in their relationship with a canon character. Said Mary Sue doesn’t need to be an OC either, but can be a canon character as well.
Special Abilities: Let’s start off with the fact she’s romancing Newt despite the fact he is infatuated with Leta. This is honestly up there with Suethor’s ignoring Snape’s infatuation with Lily. More specifically, the Suethor’s obviously like the canon character in question, otherwise they would not be pairing their OC with said canon character, so why do they ignore an important element to who the canon character is?
Notes: I’m sad to say, the writer is all to aware of the Mary Sue issues in her stories, but comes across a bit flippant about it on her profile. She says, “I hate it when someone reviews my writing and says the characters are Mary-Sue's. Well you know what, i'm not writing my stories for realism, i'm writing them for entertainment. If i want my character to be every freaking color of the rainbow with a pet tiger wolf dragon and a boyfriend who is the epitome of hotness that blows all other characters out of the water then i will. If you don't like it then don't read it and keep your generic comments to yourself!”
I honestly don’t care what the Suethor’s reasons for writing are. Once she posted said stories to the net, they weren’t for her personal entertainment anymore, but I’m not appreciative of their cocky attitude declaring, “I own nothing, but my OC’s. If I owned any of these stories I’d be filthy stinking rich,” only to have on their profile what they call “a curse on non-reviewers”.
To quote TV Tropes, “The trope is most commonly used by Fan Fic authors who Can’t Take Criticism and try to silence critics with this line. When ‘don’t like, don’t read’ is used this way, the problem is immediately obvious: how is the audience supposed to know they don’t like it if they haven’t read it?” In particular, we here at Pottersues tend to fall under the “So Bad, It’s Good” category, but there are other reasons why the “don’t like, don’t read” attitude is - when used this way - rudeness on the writer’s part.
Sample:
2nd year
Eloise grumbled to herself as she walked into the library, her care of Magical Creatures textbook tucked under her arm. She had light blonde hair that fell in soft waved just below her shoulders, almond shaped hazel green eyes, a fair complexion, full soft pink lips, a button nose, and a heart shaped face with high cheekbones.
Eloise had been skimping on her care of magical creature's class and it was starting to bite her in the butt. She just didn't see the importance of it compared to her Charms, potions, and transfiguration classes to name a few, they were what she needed for her dream career.
Her Professor for the class had taken it upon himself to assign her a tutor for the class to get her back up to snuff as he put it. Looking outside at the beautiful clear sky made her stomach sink even further. It would have been a perfect day for quidditch practice, to feel that crisp air against her face while speeding on a broom would be so much better than the stale air of the library.
It was a very rare occurrence that a girl should make the quidditch team, but Eloise had been determined and battled it out with three others to gain her position as a chaser on the Hufflepuff team. With her small size and penitent for speed they had tried to get her to become the team seeker, which failed miserable due to her short attention span. She just couldn't concentrate on looking for the snitch before her mind wondered and it passed her by without her notice.
There had been quite a few against women in quidditch, but it wasn't going to stop her. Even though she had proven herself her second year by scoring the winning goal against Slytherin, there were still those who thought it was distasteful and un-ladylike. It may not have been for the House Cup, but it was still pretty impressive to her.
Most of her family had been horrified that her father, Balthazar Wulf, allowed her to join such a barbaric sport, but her father had always been indulgent with her. Her mother was not in the picture as it was and he always wanted to make up for her lack of one in any way he could so she was a bit on the spoiled side.
Plopping down at one of the tables she let her legs dangle over one of the arm rest and her back leaned against the other with a conjured up pillow between her back and armrest for comfort. She pulled out her supplies setting it out on the table and leaned her cheek on her hand waiting for her tutor to show up. Eloise's fellow quidditch players who were on the field at that very moment couldn't have been more sympathetic, especially considering who her tutor was going to be.
Looking over to the side at the sound of hurried footsteps accompanied by the noise maker bumping into a few people alerted her to her tutor's upcoming presence. Setting his books down on the table next to her was none other than Newt Scamander, a hermit like fellow Hufflepuff who preferred animals to people.
He smiled nervously at her though he wouldn't look directly at her, his mouth opening and closing a few times while shuffling form foot to foot. He tried to gather his words, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of her. Eloise raised an eyebrow at him waiting for him to say or do something, but soon gave up.
"Maybe you should take a seat first?" Eloise offered with a raised eyebrow.
"Right." He hastily took the offered seat and held out his hand. "I'm Newt Scamander."
"Eloise Bae-Wulf." Eloise said while shaking his hand. "So how is this going to work?"