4167: Finding the Sun - Myst "Myst" no last name, Credence Barebone, Sonny
So, I’m looking through the stories labeled as OC in the FB section, and I found this particular gem, His Sorrow Cast a Shade by Strawberry Nightmare. I can’t feature the story as an entry as the summary and my glance through the first chapter screams “not a Sue”, yet having found the piece, I figure someone may find themselves interested. The main characters outside of the OC are Grindelwald, Tina and Percival. Since the FB section is small, I may find some more “not a Sue” to share.
Title: Finding the Sun
Perpetrator: No-pen-name-1
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art:
Summary: “Her name didn’t quite fit with how radiant of a person she was, so warm, caring and vibrantly loving, and yet it fit so perfectly well when he realized how much she was out of his reach. It’s scary learning to trust again and strange to finally know what it’s like to be cared for.”
Full Name: Mysty “Myst”, Credence Barebone, Sonny
Species: Mysty is a modern day Sue, possibly no-mag, shoved into the 1920s with her just as equally out of place mother Sonny to warm the heart of poor Credence. Which is amicable, considering the canon regarding his character, but its just not done well. Turns out though in chapter three she’s not a no-mag, but a witch.
Hair: In the first chapter, we read, “soon a few hours had flown by, some spent studying the rest trying to twirl a pencil and playing with her hair…” The next morning she wakes and has “a mane of bed hair” which she doesn’t bother taking care of. Actually, I don’t believe she changed out of her nightclothes either. This is the 1920s. At another point, it’s just messy.
Eyes: Myst has “bright golden eyes”.
Markings: Nothing specific.
Possessions: The heart of Credence.
Connection to Canon: Oh, woe is me, I, like Bella Swan take care of my poor, useless mother who can’t support her own self. *faints* I find myself already disliking the character, but the name Mysty - which stood out like a sore thumb in a story which took place during the Harry Potter years, is supposed to be a character from the 1920s. The fact certain names are going to be even more out of place didn’t even cross my mind. There is also talk about a “new life her father had wanted so badly”, but the thing is, during the 1920s, you didn’t really see single mothers immigrating to a new country, but with the fact the writer missed on the name bit, I’m not sure if they were thinking historical context here. Actually, that’s going to prove interesting as we’re talking a part of fandom which one would need to do their historical research in regard to. The point I was trying to make is, the father would have come first, then slowly funded his family. In addition to this, Myst is talking about exams and her final year of school, when if she was of the low economic status she is of, she wouldn’t have been in school, but working! So this whole “better life” that her father wanted is far from believable, and this is only the first chapter. Oh, and Credence randomly shows up in a storm. You know, Credence, who was taught to be super pious, among other things? He’s the one whose waxing purple prose in the summary, so let’s add him to the list of Mary Sues, simply because he’s OoC. In chapter two, Myst becomes way to informal with Credence for the time period, telling him when he stands when she comes to breakfast that “you don’t have to stand on ceremony” and “sit”. Isn’t she of similar age to him, not older? It feels like she’s talking down to him. I also realized she’s still dressed in nightclothes, something a modest young lady of the 1920s would not do in front of a stranger. Her mother has no qualms calling her daughter a toe-rag. Then, the cat brings a bird and it upsets Credence. Oh, and for being poor, they have their own bathroom. If they’re not, how did Credence find his way to them specifically? Then, he finds out she’s a witch, and she brings up the fact he has magic in him, but they’re getting along okay. And yup, they’ve enough money to have their own bath with hot running water, not some “steel tub”. Even Credence notes this is a luxury, which is not a good thing given the Sue’s sob story in the first chapter. The bird is then better, so she can set it free. Chapter four is about Credence wondering if he can trust them or not. Chapter five has Myst screaming at someone named Pete, and coming across yet again quite unladylike. That’s it for now.
Origin: I smell Bella Swan. I mean, we’ve a line which reads, “Myst had always tried to be as supportive as she could to her mother, it was just the two of them after all…” And is the name Mysty a twist on Misty from Pokémon’s name?
Special Abilities: Apparently, we’re supposed to - according to the summary - believe that Mysty is super special, but instead, the reader gets yet another Bella Swan type character. I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, as technically the writer is living up to the promise, but the promise is one they shouldn’t have made in the first place?
Notes: One of the typical signs of a Mary Sue is how perfect said character comes across, so to put said perfection in the summary honestly just screams to the reader you have a Mary Sue. The writer’s also got a princess Sue named Sereina for the Jack the Giant Slayer fandom, and a character named Evelynn with an Eevee obsession who lives in a bland town. Question is though, what fan doesn’t have some kind of obsession with Eevee? There’s also another FB fic that I may end up featuring soon, simply due to the fact I’m spending time in the FB section right now.
Sample:
Shadows in the storm
With a look of wonder Mysty peered up at the skies as the roll of thunder boomed out, waiting in silence as she counted the time between the next clash only for another booming sound to interrupt.
"Myst! Get the washing in now!" He mother shouted from the open kitchen door, having noticed her daughter stood out in the garden and watching the storm rather than bringing in the washing like she'd asked.
"But it's miles away!" She called back with a frown, but pulled the sheets off the line regardless, bundling them into her arms and jogging back into the house- she doubted the rain would reach them out in their country home until later in the evening.
"I don't care!" Her mother bit back once she hopped through the door and took the bundle of sheets off her, placing them on the table and picking one sheet up. Automatically Myst grabbed the other end of the sheets and helped her mother fold, the pair working in silence till they had everything in a neat pile, "Pop those away for us darling, I'll put the kettle on," The older woman spoke as she off loaded the pile into her daughter's waiting arms and with out protest she trudged up stairs.
Myst had always tried to be as supportive as she could to her mother, it was just the two of them after all, it had been since the day she was accepted into school, and she knew her mum missed home, they'd all up and moved to start this new life her father had wanted so badly, and then it became just the two of them.
Sometimes Myst blamed herself for her mother's melancholy, if she hadn't of been so excited that first time she visited her possible school then she was positive her mother would have taken them both back home.
"I should do some studying," Myst huffed to herself as she trod back down the stairs, when she stayed at school she was more likely to do it, but she liked coming back over the holidays to spend time with her mum, only her final year was coming to an end and she wanted to do good on her exams, she was determined not be be distracted!
"Here's your tea," Her mum called and she hopped over to the kitchen with a bit more energy, taking the cup handed to her with a cheesy smile.
"Thanking you!" She chirped, "I'm going to go over my books now," She then stated before heading back off to seal herself away in her room with her studies.
Myst blew into her hot beverage as she opened up a few books, managing to read a few words before her bright golden eyes drifted off else where, distracted by her room despite how well she knew it and everything in it, "No! Concentrate!" She frowned at her self, turning in her chair and fixing her eyes back on her books.
She didn't read the page she was on for the longest time, she spent most of it letting her forgotten tea go cold as she frowned at the words before her till her brain gave up and allowed her to start taking in the information.
Title: Finding the Sun
Perpetrator: No-pen-name-1
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art:
Summary: “Her name didn’t quite fit with how radiant of a person she was, so warm, caring and vibrantly loving, and yet it fit so perfectly well when he realized how much she was out of his reach. It’s scary learning to trust again and strange to finally know what it’s like to be cared for.”
Full Name: Mysty “Myst”, Credence Barebone, Sonny
Species: Mysty is a modern day Sue, possibly no-mag, shoved into the 1920s with her just as equally out of place mother Sonny to warm the heart of poor Credence. Which is amicable, considering the canon regarding his character, but its just not done well. Turns out though in chapter three she’s not a no-mag, but a witch.
Hair: In the first chapter, we read, “soon a few hours had flown by, some spent studying the rest trying to twirl a pencil and playing with her hair…” The next morning she wakes and has “a mane of bed hair” which she doesn’t bother taking care of. Actually, I don’t believe she changed out of her nightclothes either. This is the 1920s. At another point, it’s just messy.
Eyes: Myst has “bright golden eyes”.
Markings: Nothing specific.
Possessions: The heart of Credence.
Connection to Canon: Oh, woe is me, I, like Bella Swan take care of my poor, useless mother who can’t support her own self. *faints* I find myself already disliking the character, but the name Mysty - which stood out like a sore thumb in a story which took place during the Harry Potter years, is supposed to be a character from the 1920s. The fact certain names are going to be even more out of place didn’t even cross my mind. There is also talk about a “new life her father had wanted so badly”, but the thing is, during the 1920s, you didn’t really see single mothers immigrating to a new country, but with the fact the writer missed on the name bit, I’m not sure if they were thinking historical context here. Actually, that’s going to prove interesting as we’re talking a part of fandom which one would need to do their historical research in regard to. The point I was trying to make is, the father would have come first, then slowly funded his family. In addition to this, Myst is talking about exams and her final year of school, when if she was of the low economic status she is of, she wouldn’t have been in school, but working! So this whole “better life” that her father wanted is far from believable, and this is only the first chapter. Oh, and Credence randomly shows up in a storm. You know, Credence, who was taught to be super pious, among other things? He’s the one whose waxing purple prose in the summary, so let’s add him to the list of Mary Sues, simply because he’s OoC. In chapter two, Myst becomes way to informal with Credence for the time period, telling him when he stands when she comes to breakfast that “you don’t have to stand on ceremony” and “sit”. Isn’t she of similar age to him, not older? It feels like she’s talking down to him. I also realized she’s still dressed in nightclothes, something a modest young lady of the 1920s would not do in front of a stranger. Her mother has no qualms calling her daughter a toe-rag. Then, the cat brings a bird and it upsets Credence. Oh, and for being poor, they have their own bathroom. If they’re not, how did Credence find his way to them specifically? Then, he finds out she’s a witch, and she brings up the fact he has magic in him, but they’re getting along okay. And yup, they’ve enough money to have their own bath with hot running water, not some “steel tub”. Even Credence notes this is a luxury, which is not a good thing given the Sue’s sob story in the first chapter. The bird is then better, so she can set it free. Chapter four is about Credence wondering if he can trust them or not. Chapter five has Myst screaming at someone named Pete, and coming across yet again quite unladylike. That’s it for now.
Origin: I smell Bella Swan. I mean, we’ve a line which reads, “Myst had always tried to be as supportive as she could to her mother, it was just the two of them after all…” And is the name Mysty a twist on Misty from Pokémon’s name?
Special Abilities: Apparently, we’re supposed to - according to the summary - believe that Mysty is super special, but instead, the reader gets yet another Bella Swan type character. I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, as technically the writer is living up to the promise, but the promise is one they shouldn’t have made in the first place?
Notes: One of the typical signs of a Mary Sue is how perfect said character comes across, so to put said perfection in the summary honestly just screams to the reader you have a Mary Sue. The writer’s also got a princess Sue named Sereina for the Jack the Giant Slayer fandom, and a character named Evelynn with an Eevee obsession who lives in a bland town. Question is though, what fan doesn’t have some kind of obsession with Eevee? There’s also another FB fic that I may end up featuring soon, simply due to the fact I’m spending time in the FB section right now.
Sample:
Shadows in the storm
With a look of wonder Mysty peered up at the skies as the roll of thunder boomed out, waiting in silence as she counted the time between the next clash only for another booming sound to interrupt.
"Myst! Get the washing in now!" He mother shouted from the open kitchen door, having noticed her daughter stood out in the garden and watching the storm rather than bringing in the washing like she'd asked.
"But it's miles away!" She called back with a frown, but pulled the sheets off the line regardless, bundling them into her arms and jogging back into the house- she doubted the rain would reach them out in their country home until later in the evening.
"I don't care!" Her mother bit back once she hopped through the door and took the bundle of sheets off her, placing them on the table and picking one sheet up. Automatically Myst grabbed the other end of the sheets and helped her mother fold, the pair working in silence till they had everything in a neat pile, "Pop those away for us darling, I'll put the kettle on," The older woman spoke as she off loaded the pile into her daughter's waiting arms and with out protest she trudged up stairs.
Myst had always tried to be as supportive as she could to her mother, it was just the two of them after all, it had been since the day she was accepted into school, and she knew her mum missed home, they'd all up and moved to start this new life her father had wanted so badly, and then it became just the two of them.
Sometimes Myst blamed herself for her mother's melancholy, if she hadn't of been so excited that first time she visited her possible school then she was positive her mother would have taken them both back home.
"I should do some studying," Myst huffed to herself as she trod back down the stairs, when she stayed at school she was more likely to do it, but she liked coming back over the holidays to spend time with her mum, only her final year was coming to an end and she wanted to do good on her exams, she was determined not be be distracted!
"Here's your tea," Her mum called and she hopped over to the kitchen with a bit more energy, taking the cup handed to her with a cheesy smile.
"Thanking you!" She chirped, "I'm going to go over my books now," She then stated before heading back off to seal herself away in her room with her studies.
Myst blew into her hot beverage as she opened up a few books, managing to read a few words before her bright golden eyes drifted off else where, distracted by her room despite how well she knew it and everything in it, "No! Concentrate!" She frowned at her self, turning in her chair and fixing her eyes back on her books.
She didn't read the page she was on for the longest time, she spent most of it letting her forgotten tea go cold as she frowned at the words before her till her brain gave up and allowed her to start taking in the information.