4062: Dragging Me In - Celeste Joyle/Riddle
- The link of the day is Harry Potter Sues, and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful. Today’s link of the day is how I found today, and the next few days Sues. I found the community because I tried searching for Pottersues in the websearch, and this is one of the things which popped up.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.
Today’s Suethor, I’ve actually taken an interest in their body of work. I found the Suethor because her story was the most recently updated story within the archive, yet it took me until page seventeen to find her story under the Archive Date sorting, which tells me the writer kept at it even though someone added her story onto the list. The fact writers can continue in despite of the ups and downs of writing does impress me. However, looking at the latest chapter it may have more to do with the fact the writer is in denial of the Mary Sue issues.
TITLE: Dragging Me In
PERPETRATOR: RoseSecretsTC
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: A picture of someone’s chin.
SUMMARY:” Draco always gets what he wants. She's a quiet Slytherin who doesn't want people to notice her. What happens when Draco and others start to? What happens when the Dark Lord wants to make a deal? Secrets are revealed, curses are cast, will they survive?”
FULL NAME: Celeste Joyle/Riddle
SPECIES: She is a ballet dancer who is the daughter of Voldemort and Bridgette La Fluer.
HAIR: “She has long brown hair with a slight red tint in it.”
EYES: “Her eyes are a pale blue; she looks at people with such emotion in them it could make me cry. I hate the way she blames me. I hate it.”
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is Draco mooning over Celeste. She’s apparently perfect, and into the arts. She on the other hand complains about how she has no friends, everyone misjudges her because she is in Slytherin and how she’d rather go to an art school instead of a magical one. We also get a full blown show of how much of an amazing dancer she is. Draco of course steals her wand, before going off with Pansy. In chapter two, despite her skill “the sight of pale blonde hair sent her to the ground, hard. She gasped loudly from the pain in her ankle and from the sight in front of her.” (Now I doubt her actual skill as a dancer.) She passes out, and he takes her to the infirmary. He then turns to stalking her. Chapter three has her forced into marriage with Malfoy to save herself and her parents. (Not very realistic, and this is where the major Sue elements start picking up.) Pansy of course gets miffed in chapter four, and Draco comes rushing to her rescue. Everyone knows about the arrangement including Hermione, and she’s rather fine with everything. Draco and Celeste decide to get drunk, and get a lecture for it in chapter six. (While this could count as a fatal flaw, it is also OoC for the way Celeste is presented in the first five chapters, and seems more there so that Lucius and Narcissa can nag the two, and be “wrong” for the way they treated the two.) A good chunk of the work is about Celeste being prepared for her wedding day. (Which is unrealistic.) I won’t argue that the story is plotless, which is one of the major issues I’ve seen recently with some of the newer Mary Sues. By the time we get to chapter fifteen, Draco’s also helping the order. Eventually she goes to court and after being proclaimed innocent she’s kidnapped by Voldemort. She marries Draco finally in chapter twenty-three, and in twenty-four the news reports of an affair between her and Harry where Harry is abusing her. Eventually, Voldemort kills her and this allows everybody to be saved. (So she just usurped Harry’s role?) Then, she comes back to life in the final chapter.
ORIGIN: This was the writer’s first fanfic, but I also suspect that back in 2007 they were a really young writer, so I think in both regards it’s not a bad first attempt. We’re supposed to believe that the Sue was such a promising ballet dancer that she was going to play Odette, and yet her parents didn’t allow her to continue along said path despite the fact they spent so much time allowing her training to have gone so far. Turns out she is Voldemort’s daughter, and that’s why he’s forcing her to marry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Very rarely did something catch his eye unless it was brand new or expensive. … She was the one thing that his father could never buy for him this made Draco increasingly aggravated.” She was also “always drawing, dancing, or reading some book.” A comparison is made to “that mudblood”, which indicates she’s like Hermione, but not Hermione. We find out in the first chapter that the Suethor “wished that I would find a nice queit boyfriend, or a friend for that matter. Someone not into the Dark Arts or fighting against them. Being sorted into Slytherin does nothing for my reputation. People assume, they say that the reason I’m so quiet is because I am planning something, hardly the case. My voice is most likely the least heard voice in this school.” She was also supposed to play Odette from Swan Lake, but got nixed because her parents said she needed a magical education.
NOTES: The fact your readers agree with you that your character isn’t a Mary Sue doesn’t mean your character isn’t one. I’ve seen plenty of times when readers just like writers don’t know the identifying factors of what a Mary Sue is. However, unlike some of the newer ones, the story is still riveting and entertaining, something I really miss with some of the newer ones.
However, why is Celeste a Mary Sue?
1. She’s Voldemort’s daughter. One of the things we’ve discussed her on Pottersues is that Voldemort would really have no interest in creating an heir and the only woman insane enough to bed with him is Bellatrix. She’s conveniently the same age as Harry and company despite being Voldemort’s daughter - which might work if she was Bellatrix’s daughter, which she is not.
2. Even if Voldemort did have a child, he would have no interest in them. His interest is in immortality. So this whole forcing his daughter to marry and keep his bloodline as pure as possible doesn’t work. The fact he shows her love also doesn’t work either, as this is a contradiction of canon.
3. She’s another Bella Swan. She’s so not perfect, and yet she is. There are contradictions in her characterization, but the flaws put into the work aren’t really flaws.
4. She takes over Harry’s role as hero just because she can, and she becomes the reason why - well, everything revolves around her, and she’s definitely a special snowflake.
Despite this, the writer's profile does say they know there are issues with the work, so the note on the last chapter must be old, and the reason for the fic updating has to do with the writer editing the story, or at least attempting to.
SAMPLE:
She stretched for a half an hour before starting to dance to a song. The Nutcracker played and the snow outside the castle floated down. It really set the mood for her. She twirled around. She wore a leotard with an attached light wrap on it. The wrap twirled with her and she felt calm.
He couldn't stand to sit so far away from the girl. She had danced her way into his mind, searing her name on his brain. She was a constant reminder of the beauty in the world that he could not have. He walked out of the shadows again, this time without the extra wand and the threatening look.
She was in the middle of a pirouette when the sight of pale blonde hair sent her to the ground, hard. She gasped loudly from the pain in her ankle and from the sight in front of her.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she asked pulled her ankle out from under her and trying to ignore the throbbing pain.
"Is your ankle alright, Joyle?" he said in a condescending tone.
"Its fine." She tried to stand up and walk away but she was sent tumbling back down immediately.
"Sure seems fine to me." Draco said walking right up to her crouching. He pulled her leg up towards him and waved his wand over her ankle. Using a spell well beyond his years. "Looks like you have fractured it."
"Go away." She said trying to slap the hand that was touching her swollen ankle. He gently lowered down her leg, but moved closer to her. She started to scramble backwards as the look in his eyes became somewhat like a predator. Her back hit the wall and he laughed.
"I quite like the idea of you unable to run away. Completely wandless at the moment. At my full mercy."
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.
Today’s Suethor, I’ve actually taken an interest in their body of work. I found the Suethor because her story was the most recently updated story within the archive, yet it took me until page seventeen to find her story under the Archive Date sorting, which tells me the writer kept at it even though someone added her story onto the list. The fact writers can continue in despite of the ups and downs of writing does impress me. However, looking at the latest chapter it may have more to do with the fact the writer is in denial of the Mary Sue issues.
TITLE: Dragging Me In
PERPETRATOR: RoseSecretsTC
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: A picture of someone’s chin.
SUMMARY:” Draco always gets what he wants. She's a quiet Slytherin who doesn't want people to notice her. What happens when Draco and others start to? What happens when the Dark Lord wants to make a deal? Secrets are revealed, curses are cast, will they survive?”
FULL NAME: Celeste Joyle/Riddle
SPECIES: She is a ballet dancer who is the daughter of Voldemort and Bridgette La Fluer.
HAIR: “She has long brown hair with a slight red tint in it.”
EYES: “Her eyes are a pale blue; she looks at people with such emotion in them it could make me cry. I hate the way she blames me. I hate it.”
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is Draco mooning over Celeste. She’s apparently perfect, and into the arts. She on the other hand complains about how she has no friends, everyone misjudges her because she is in Slytherin and how she’d rather go to an art school instead of a magical one. We also get a full blown show of how much of an amazing dancer she is. Draco of course steals her wand, before going off with Pansy. In chapter two, despite her skill “the sight of pale blonde hair sent her to the ground, hard. She gasped loudly from the pain in her ankle and from the sight in front of her.” (Now I doubt her actual skill as a dancer.) She passes out, and he takes her to the infirmary. He then turns to stalking her. Chapter three has her forced into marriage with Malfoy to save herself and her parents. (Not very realistic, and this is where the major Sue elements start picking up.) Pansy of course gets miffed in chapter four, and Draco comes rushing to her rescue. Everyone knows about the arrangement including Hermione, and she’s rather fine with everything. Draco and Celeste decide to get drunk, and get a lecture for it in chapter six. (While this could count as a fatal flaw, it is also OoC for the way Celeste is presented in the first five chapters, and seems more there so that Lucius and Narcissa can nag the two, and be “wrong” for the way they treated the two.) A good chunk of the work is about Celeste being prepared for her wedding day. (Which is unrealistic.) I won’t argue that the story is plotless, which is one of the major issues I’ve seen recently with some of the newer Mary Sues. By the time we get to chapter fifteen, Draco’s also helping the order. Eventually she goes to court and after being proclaimed innocent she’s kidnapped by Voldemort. She marries Draco finally in chapter twenty-three, and in twenty-four the news reports of an affair between her and Harry where Harry is abusing her. Eventually, Voldemort kills her and this allows everybody to be saved. (So she just usurped Harry’s role?) Then, she comes back to life in the final chapter.
ORIGIN: This was the writer’s first fanfic, but I also suspect that back in 2007 they were a really young writer, so I think in both regards it’s not a bad first attempt. We’re supposed to believe that the Sue was such a promising ballet dancer that she was going to play Odette, and yet her parents didn’t allow her to continue along said path despite the fact they spent so much time allowing her training to have gone so far. Turns out she is Voldemort’s daughter, and that’s why he’s forcing her to marry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Very rarely did something catch his eye unless it was brand new or expensive. … She was the one thing that his father could never buy for him this made Draco increasingly aggravated.” She was also “always drawing, dancing, or reading some book.” A comparison is made to “that mudblood”, which indicates she’s like Hermione, but not Hermione. We find out in the first chapter that the Suethor “wished that I would find a nice queit boyfriend, or a friend for that matter. Someone not into the Dark Arts or fighting against them. Being sorted into Slytherin does nothing for my reputation. People assume, they say that the reason I’m so quiet is because I am planning something, hardly the case. My voice is most likely the least heard voice in this school.” She was also supposed to play Odette from Swan Lake, but got nixed because her parents said she needed a magical education.
NOTES: The fact your readers agree with you that your character isn’t a Mary Sue doesn’t mean your character isn’t one. I’ve seen plenty of times when readers just like writers don’t know the identifying factors of what a Mary Sue is. However, unlike some of the newer ones, the story is still riveting and entertaining, something I really miss with some of the newer ones.
However, why is Celeste a Mary Sue?
1. She’s Voldemort’s daughter. One of the things we’ve discussed her on Pottersues is that Voldemort would really have no interest in creating an heir and the only woman insane enough to bed with him is Bellatrix. She’s conveniently the same age as Harry and company despite being Voldemort’s daughter - which might work if she was Bellatrix’s daughter, which she is not.
2. Even if Voldemort did have a child, he would have no interest in them. His interest is in immortality. So this whole forcing his daughter to marry and keep his bloodline as pure as possible doesn’t work. The fact he shows her love also doesn’t work either, as this is a contradiction of canon.
3. She’s another Bella Swan. She’s so not perfect, and yet she is. There are contradictions in her characterization, but the flaws put into the work aren’t really flaws.
4. She takes over Harry’s role as hero just because she can, and she becomes the reason why - well, everything revolves around her, and she’s definitely a special snowflake.
Despite this, the writer's profile does say they know there are issues with the work, so the note on the last chapter must be old, and the reason for the fic updating has to do with the writer editing the story, or at least attempting to.
SAMPLE:
She stretched for a half an hour before starting to dance to a song. The Nutcracker played and the snow outside the castle floated down. It really set the mood for her. She twirled around. She wore a leotard with an attached light wrap on it. The wrap twirled with her and she felt calm.
He couldn't stand to sit so far away from the girl. She had danced her way into his mind, searing her name on his brain. She was a constant reminder of the beauty in the world that he could not have. He walked out of the shadows again, this time without the extra wand and the threatening look.
She was in the middle of a pirouette when the sight of pale blonde hair sent her to the ground, hard. She gasped loudly from the pain in her ankle and from the sight in front of her.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she asked pulled her ankle out from under her and trying to ignore the throbbing pain.
"Is your ankle alright, Joyle?" he said in a condescending tone.
"Its fine." She tried to stand up and walk away but she was sent tumbling back down immediately.
"Sure seems fine to me." Draco said walking right up to her crouching. He pulled her leg up towards him and waved his wand over her ankle. Using a spell well beyond his years. "Looks like you have fractured it."
"Go away." She said trying to slap the hand that was touching her swollen ankle. He gently lowered down her leg, but moved closer to her. She started to scramble backwards as the look in his eyes became somewhat like a predator. Her back hit the wall and he laughed.
"I quite like the idea of you unable to run away. Completely wandless at the moment. At my full mercy."