3657: Desdemona - Desdemona and Summer Venus
- The link of the day is How to Avoid Creating a Mary Sue.
- Flashback Sue
- I've also restarted the Sorting Hat.
TITLE: Desdemona
PERPETRATOR: Haunted Veela
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art is of a really cute vampire girl with “straight and raven black, although it was prone to embarrassing kinks” hair which really isn't embarrassing kink wise. (THIS IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT!)
SUMMARY:”Desdemona is secretly in love with her best friend George Weasley, but when George seemingly likes her worst enemy Summer, how can Desdemona and Fred get him to see sense?”
FULL NAME: Desdemona, Summer Venus
SPECIES: angst-ridden Sue
HAIR: “{Summer's] hair was strawberry blonde and curly, all the way down her back. It always looked beautiful.” “Desdemona was a bit different. Her hair was straight and raven black, although it was prone to embarrassing kinks.”
EYES: “Summer's eyes were ocean blue, with long black lashes...” “[Desdemona] had dark brown eyes that looked more black most of the time, and very arched black eyebrows.
MARKINGS: “... and she had the most perfect complexion, no spots whatsoever. She was slim, but had curves in the right places, and she was tall too, at least five feet seven. In all honesty, Summer looked like a model. And she always got top marks in everything, rather like Hermione. To top it all off, Summer's family were extremely wealthy and influential, and were well known throughout the wizarding world for being good-looking, talented and powerful. She had an older sister called Ophelia, who was basically an older version of Summer.” “Having stopped growing during Second Year, Desdemona was only five feet one, and very pale and skinny, with many spots over her forehead. It was positively mortifying, having such a terrible genetic inheritance. As for school… Desdemona could do Herbology and Charms okay, as well as Care of Magical Creatures and sometimes Muggle Studies, but the rest were not going so good. And Desdemona's family…”
POSSESSIONS: Desdemona is jealous of her rival Summer. “Ostrogota was the eldest sister, and was a Seventh Year at Hogwarts. She was the least Gothic looking out of the family, with blonde hair and a fairly average skin tone. Desdemona found her very boring, as she spent a lot of time studying and not a lot of time socialising. She was a Ravenclaw. […] The next two were the twins, Aldornia and Chalice. Aldornia was the part vampire, and Chalice was the part Veela. These two were quite famous in the wizarding community, for their unusual gene inheritance, though not as famous as the likes of Harry Potter. They were in Fifth Year, and sorted into Hufflepuff and Slytherin. […] The youngest in the family, after Desdemona, was Belladonna. She was also somewhat known, because at the age of one, she was caught in a horrifying fire at their Uncle Phoenix's house. The only one with injuries due to being stuck in a cot, she suffered 65% burns, over her face, neck, arms and torso. Her appearance frightened many, and she was similar in features to Desdemona, with dark eyes, hair and pale skin. She also, like Desdemona, exhibited slight vampire-ish features but not enough to classify her as a half-breed.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hermione's not the only smart one in the class now, but instead we have Summer Venus existing for the sole purpose of tormenting the Mary Sue with how smart she is and how much the Sue is not. She then pines about how she's half-human, a quarter-vampire and a quarter veela. She then proceeds to become jealous because Summer because “Fred moved up for her, but Summer moved quickly and joined George on the bench. Desdemona's heart thumped in anger and envy, as she smiled sweetly at the older boy before eating her lunch daintily. Desdemona suddenly realised that she was eating rather like Ron and the twins. She slowed down, on the verge of choking.” Summer talks nicely to her in front of George. Ron starts spouting off how “What do I care if she fancies him? My own brother can't go out with a Venus! They're against half-breeds, Muggleborns and Blood Traitors! I'll - I'll disown him if he goes near her!” Yeah, and we're supposed to believe George fancies her? I believe Desdemona is an unreliable narrator actually. Suddenly another boy asks Desdemona out, and George becomes jealous. (Oh yea, Desdemona is a seriously unreliable narrator.) Then George decides to make her jealous. (Yeah, that would so be in character for him.) She catches them at Hogsmede together.
ORIGIN: The story opens up with an author's note which says, “Okay, little note, I know the gene inheritance/hybrid part doesn't make loads of sense right now, but I didn't want all of the sisters to be vampire/Veela creatures, especially not Desdemona as I don't want her to have special powers or charm; I can't stand a Mary Sue… Yeah, just getting that out there so I don't have reviews going 'oh your hybrid family doesn't make sense'… lol.” Actually Suethor, if you knew your canon well enough you would know that the first part of your “hybrid” isn't actually genetic.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Desdemona's an angst ridden Mary Sue whose supposed to be horrible at school in order that the readers pity her, and to add obnoxious conflict because her rival is “so perfect”. We're supposed to believe that Desdemona stopped growing her second year, but also that this is a bad thing. However, if we look at a height chart for the growth of girls, her height is still within the norm, but the writer wants us to believe the Sue dropped from a rather high percentile to the lower percentile. Mind you, there are genetic conditions which do cause such things to happen, but the writer's already going with the inheritance gene, but also the fact there is nothing wrong with the Sue's height other then the fact she's jealous of another girl, and that's on the Sue, not anybody else. “The Whitlock's were a very unusual family. Angelo Whitlock was a well-known wizard, but not for wealth, good looks or talent, though he was fairly good at magic. No, Angelo Whitlock was also part-vampire. Her mother, Alabaster, was half Veela, half wizard. In usual circumstances, this would make any children they had a very unusual hybrid.” (Suethor, being a Vampire or a Werewolf for that matter is not genetic, so major fail on your part.) She should look like a Veela, but no!) What makes the genetic thing even more funny is Lupin is teaching, which means this is only her third year! Yeah... so much for not having grown since
NOTES: I decided a long time ago that the inheritance gene makes no sense what-so-ever for the Harry Potter series, but then again I've yet to see a story where it's not used for turning the characters into Mary Sues or Gar Stus. The writer also doesn't realize that Anti-Sues are also Mary Sues, but vary from the Classic Mary Sue because they actually have flaws, but said flaws are there more to make the reader and characters sympathize with the Sue rather than because they're meant to be fatal flaws.
Also, in this particular case Desdemona becomes an unreliable narrator due to how jealous she is of Summer. We've also got a writer who doesn't get the fact vampirism and lycanthropy are not genetic, but infections. The Sue's flaws are also supposedly not being pretty when she really is, and clumsyness.
SAMPLE:
Desdemona tried not to scowl. Of course Summer Venus had beaten her - again - in Potions class. She wasn't even a Slytherin, and yet she got E's and O's in every essay she handed in, without even really trying. It took her about ten minutes in the common room, Desdemona watched every night, whereas for her, it took over forty minutes and she could barely scrape an A.
"Your essays on the Wiggenweld potion were absolutely disgraceful," Snape said savagely, glowering at them all. "The only exceptions are Venus and Malfoy, who managed E's. The rest of you should be feeling extremely ashamed of yourselves."
Desdemona gave him an evil look, though he wasn't glancing her way. It wasn't fair. Hermione had also gotten an E, and with a nicer teacher, she probably would have gained an O.
"Well, what are you all waiting for? You have an hour to make your potion. At the end, use your ladles to put some into your flask and bring it up to my desk. Begin!"
Desdemona squinted at the first instruction, having laid the correct ingredients out (she had memorised them from her essay);
Add salamander blood until the potion turns red.
She added some, until it turned a kind of red… well it was red if you looked at it in a certain light. This wasn't starting well. Desdemona sighed and stirred it until it turned black. She froze. The instructions clearly stated it should be orange. Hastily, she added more salamander blood, and the potion began to bubble.
Fifteen minutes later, it was bright purple and lumpy, with a distinct smell of fish. Hermione and Seamus, who were stood either side of her, were edging away. Desdemona was desperately trying to think of a way to either improve or vanish her potion, when Snape strolled down the row, checking everyone's potions. He wrinkled his large nose when he approached her.
- Flashback Sue
- I've also restarted the Sorting Hat.
TITLE: Desdemona
PERPETRATOR: Haunted Veela
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art is of a really cute vampire girl with “straight and raven black, although it was prone to embarrassing kinks” hair which really isn't embarrassing kink wise. (THIS IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT!)
SUMMARY:”Desdemona is secretly in love with her best friend George Weasley, but when George seemingly likes her worst enemy Summer, how can Desdemona and Fred get him to see sense?”
FULL NAME: Desdemona, Summer Venus
SPECIES: angst-ridden Sue
HAIR: “{Summer's] hair was strawberry blonde and curly, all the way down her back. It always looked beautiful.” “Desdemona was a bit different. Her hair was straight and raven black, although it was prone to embarrassing kinks.”
EYES: “Summer's eyes were ocean blue, with long black lashes...” “[Desdemona] had dark brown eyes that looked more black most of the time, and very arched black eyebrows.
MARKINGS: “... and she had the most perfect complexion, no spots whatsoever. She was slim, but had curves in the right places, and she was tall too, at least five feet seven. In all honesty, Summer looked like a model. And she always got top marks in everything, rather like Hermione. To top it all off, Summer's family were extremely wealthy and influential, and were well known throughout the wizarding world for being good-looking, talented and powerful. She had an older sister called Ophelia, who was basically an older version of Summer.” “Having stopped growing during Second Year, Desdemona was only five feet one, and very pale and skinny, with many spots over her forehead. It was positively mortifying, having such a terrible genetic inheritance. As for school… Desdemona could do Herbology and Charms okay, as well as Care of Magical Creatures and sometimes Muggle Studies, but the rest were not going so good. And Desdemona's family…”
POSSESSIONS: Desdemona is jealous of her rival Summer. “Ostrogota was the eldest sister, and was a Seventh Year at Hogwarts. She was the least Gothic looking out of the family, with blonde hair and a fairly average skin tone. Desdemona found her very boring, as she spent a lot of time studying and not a lot of time socialising. She was a Ravenclaw. […] The next two were the twins, Aldornia and Chalice. Aldornia was the part vampire, and Chalice was the part Veela. These two were quite famous in the wizarding community, for their unusual gene inheritance, though not as famous as the likes of Harry Potter. They were in Fifth Year, and sorted into Hufflepuff and Slytherin. […] The youngest in the family, after Desdemona, was Belladonna. She was also somewhat known, because at the age of one, she was caught in a horrifying fire at their Uncle Phoenix's house. The only one with injuries due to being stuck in a cot, she suffered 65% burns, over her face, neck, arms and torso. Her appearance frightened many, and she was similar in features to Desdemona, with dark eyes, hair and pale skin. She also, like Desdemona, exhibited slight vampire-ish features but not enough to classify her as a half-breed.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hermione's not the only smart one in the class now, but instead we have Summer Venus existing for the sole purpose of tormenting the Mary Sue with how smart she is and how much the Sue is not. She then pines about how she's half-human, a quarter-vampire and a quarter veela. She then proceeds to become jealous because Summer because “Fred moved up for her, but Summer moved quickly and joined George on the bench. Desdemona's heart thumped in anger and envy, as she smiled sweetly at the older boy before eating her lunch daintily. Desdemona suddenly realised that she was eating rather like Ron and the twins. She slowed down, on the verge of choking.” Summer talks nicely to her in front of George. Ron starts spouting off how “What do I care if she fancies him? My own brother can't go out with a Venus! They're against half-breeds, Muggleborns and Blood Traitors! I'll - I'll disown him if he goes near her!” Yeah, and we're supposed to believe George fancies her? I believe Desdemona is an unreliable narrator actually. Suddenly another boy asks Desdemona out, and George becomes jealous. (Oh yea, Desdemona is a seriously unreliable narrator.) Then George decides to make her jealous. (Yeah, that would so be in character for him.) She catches them at Hogsmede together.
ORIGIN: The story opens up with an author's note which says, “Okay, little note, I know the gene inheritance/hybrid part doesn't make loads of sense right now, but I didn't want all of the sisters to be vampire/Veela creatures, especially not Desdemona as I don't want her to have special powers or charm; I can't stand a Mary Sue… Yeah, just getting that out there so I don't have reviews going 'oh your hybrid family doesn't make sense'… lol.” Actually Suethor, if you knew your canon well enough you would know that the first part of your “hybrid” isn't actually genetic.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Desdemona's an angst ridden Mary Sue whose supposed to be horrible at school in order that the readers pity her, and to add obnoxious conflict because her rival is “so perfect”. We're supposed to believe that Desdemona stopped growing her second year, but also that this is a bad thing. However, if we look at a height chart for the growth of girls, her height is still within the norm, but the writer wants us to believe the Sue dropped from a rather high percentile to the lower percentile. Mind you, there are genetic conditions which do cause such things to happen, but the writer's already going with the inheritance gene, but also the fact there is nothing wrong with the Sue's height other then the fact she's jealous of another girl, and that's on the Sue, not anybody else. “The Whitlock's were a very unusual family. Angelo Whitlock was a well-known wizard, but not for wealth, good looks or talent, though he was fairly good at magic. No, Angelo Whitlock was also part-vampire. Her mother, Alabaster, was half Veela, half wizard. In usual circumstances, this would make any children they had a very unusual hybrid.” (Suethor, being a Vampire or a Werewolf for that matter is not genetic, so major fail on your part.) She should look like a Veela, but no!) What makes the genetic thing even more funny is Lupin is teaching, which means this is only her third year! Yeah... so much for not having grown since
NOTES: I decided a long time ago that the inheritance gene makes no sense what-so-ever for the Harry Potter series, but then again I've yet to see a story where it's not used for turning the characters into Mary Sues or Gar Stus. The writer also doesn't realize that Anti-Sues are also Mary Sues, but vary from the Classic Mary Sue because they actually have flaws, but said flaws are there more to make the reader and characters sympathize with the Sue rather than because they're meant to be fatal flaws.
Also, in this particular case Desdemona becomes an unreliable narrator due to how jealous she is of Summer. We've also got a writer who doesn't get the fact vampirism and lycanthropy are not genetic, but infections. The Sue's flaws are also supposedly not being pretty when she really is, and clumsyness.
SAMPLE:
Desdemona tried not to scowl. Of course Summer Venus had beaten her - again - in Potions class. She wasn't even a Slytherin, and yet she got E's and O's in every essay she handed in, without even really trying. It took her about ten minutes in the common room, Desdemona watched every night, whereas for her, it took over forty minutes and she could barely scrape an A.
"Your essays on the Wiggenweld potion were absolutely disgraceful," Snape said savagely, glowering at them all. "The only exceptions are Venus and Malfoy, who managed E's. The rest of you should be feeling extremely ashamed of yourselves."
Desdemona gave him an evil look, though he wasn't glancing her way. It wasn't fair. Hermione had also gotten an E, and with a nicer teacher, she probably would have gained an O.
"Well, what are you all waiting for? You have an hour to make your potion. At the end, use your ladles to put some into your flask and bring it up to my desk. Begin!"
Desdemona squinted at the first instruction, having laid the correct ingredients out (she had memorised them from her essay);
Add salamander blood until the potion turns red.
She added some, until it turned a kind of red… well it was red if you looked at it in a certain light. This wasn't starting well. Desdemona sighed and stirred it until it turned black. She froze. The instructions clearly stated it should be orange. Hastily, she added more salamander blood, and the potion began to bubble.
Fifteen minutes later, it was bright purple and lumpy, with a distinct smell of fish. Hermione and Seamus, who were stood either side of her, were edging away. Desdemona was desperately trying to think of a way to either improve or vanish her potion, when Snape strolled down the row, checking everyone's potions. He wrinkled his large nose when he approached her.