3507: The Secret Life Of The British Squib - Leah Brookwind
Don't forget about the Thirteenth Annual Pottersue Fanfic Contestt. You've got until January 31 to get your entries in.
- The link of the day is No, Re From 'Star Wars: The Force Awakes' Is Not A Mary Sue. I agree. As the article points out she's got her fatal flaws, and things aren't just handed to her.
- Flashback Sue … I knew I recognized the name.
B... is for beautiful.
I'm actually not looking for names of characters. While the names of characters do relate to Harry Potter fanfiction, they don't relate to fanfiction outside of the fandom.
TITLE: The Secret Life Of The British Squib
PERPETRATOR: KatinissHermioneCullen
SUE-O-METER:
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Leah is a beautiful pure-blood. But she's a squib, and her dream is to attend Hogwarts. With the help of Draco Malfoy she finds herself there, pretending to be a witch. Takes place in the seventh year. Everyone returns. OC/Draco Malfoy.”
FULL NAME: Leah Brookwind
SPECIES: bitch!squib
HAIR: See markings...
EYES: See markings...
MARKINGS: “She was seventeen and beautiful, with long perfectly straight thick waist length black hair and olive skin, big brown eyes with long eye-lashes. She had a slim waist, and perfect D-cup breasts.”
POSSESSIONS: From chapter two, “Leah then stripped out of her black lace night gown and into a pair of dark blue jeans and a white T-shirt, her black lacy push up bra visible underneath, then she slipped on her white strappy sandals and walked out of her bedroom and down some of the many halls and staircases until she arrived in the main sitting room where she found her mother sitting on the blue leather sofa, reading a book, a glass of red wine was set on the coffee table. She looked up from her book when Leah walked into the room.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Bitch Sue hates the fact she's a Squib, and decides to be a brat about the whole thing because it is “her last chance to see what the amazing place that her brother had spoken about so much was like.” She decides Draco will help her, and he doesn't even know it. (Run, Draco, run!) She pulls him aside, makes him promise not to tell even if he doesn't help, and then proceeds to manipulate him into going. “My brother is in on it and as an Auror, he said that he wanted to inspect the school as an after the war check-over to make sure that there were no dark items there, he changed my file from squib to home-schooled witch and that I would be attending this year for my last year.” (Sue, if you showed no sign of being magical, then you wouldn't have a file in the first place. Your brother also can't get into the school like that. Why? Because Hogwarts is in charge of it's own security, and is known to be high level that Dumbledore would know something is up. See, this is why I'm calling her a bitch.) In the second chapter she gets a wand. (At least the writer realized she couldn't just show up and get a wand. Sadly she thinks a wand would be sold in Knockturn Alley. Anybody see a black market wand backfiring on the user killing them?) Apparently Harry and Ron are there to. (Great …) She of course gets sorted, and doesn't get called out by the hat, who would know she's not there. She's able to convince the Sorting Hat to led her slide, but he won't let her into Slytherin which is how her plan would work. (Suethor, this is not a de-Sueifing trait as the hat wouldn't even agree in the first place.) Parvati finds out her wands is fake, and also doesn't turn her in for being a squib. I've had enough … this gets a Toxic rating.
ORIGIN: “Everything is explained in the summary...” We also get, “Also I know that Draco's a little OOC, that's why I was tempted to have it be a Harry/Leah instead of a Draco/Leah, because I am probably even worse at writing Draco than anyone else, so I apologize, but please go with that, remember he's changed, so that would change his character a little too.” (I don't buy it. Yes, Draco wouldn't look down on her, but he's not stupid enough to even go along with the plan. No one is.)
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “She was perfect in every way, except for the fact that she couldn't so magic. She was a squib. She despised being a squib, not being able to do what her twenty year old brother Josh, an auror, could do. She had always wanted to go to Hogwarts, she had studied magic in secret her entire life, she knew everything about it, the only problem was that she couldn't do it.” She's a manipulative bitch who can even manipulate the sorting hat.
NOTES: Why the hell would Draco help her? Actually, you need to have used magic to even get into the school, so there is no way Draco can actually sneak her in. This becomes even more questionable when we get this line. “She and Draco had never been friends, no she found him quite annoying, but he didn't say things about her being a squib like many others did, though he had only talked to her a few times. But the reason that she was so eager to see him was because she needed him for her plan. Her plan to get into Hogwarts.”
What's really bad though is the fact I'm labeling the Sue as a bitch as soon as I read the first part of the first chapter.
SAMPLE:
Leah's Pov
Leah Brookwind was a pure-blood, the daughter of Linda and Aaron Brookwind. She was seventeen and beautiful, with long perfectly straight thick waist length black hair and olive skin, big brown eyes with long eye-lashes. She had a slim waist, and perfect D-cup breasts. She was perfect in every way, except for the fact that she couldn't so magic. She was a squib. She despised being a squib, not being able to do what her twenty year old brother Josh, an auror, could do. She had always wanted to go to Hogwarts, she had studied magic in secret her entire life, she knew everything about it, the only problem was that she couldn't do it. This year though was her last chance to get into Hogwarts, her last chance to see what the amazing place that her brother had spoken about so much was like. And this year she had a plan, she had been planning for weeks, and now all she needed was someone to help.
xxx
Leah stood in front of the mirror in her room She was wearing a tight fitting mid-thigh length blue dress that had a halter neck line with a low dip that her large breasts threatened to spill out of. On her feet she wore simple blue heels. A diamond necklace hung around her neck, matching her earrings and bracelet, her hair was done up in a simple french braid, only a small amount of make-up was applied to her face.
She was excited, more excited than she had been in a long time. But it wasn't because of the Malfoy ball. She hated balls, and the Malfoy's were never her favorite people. Her family had chosen no sides during the war, up until the very end when her brother and parents had gone and fought with the Order, of course she had had to stay home. But she did know that the Malfoys had helped the Order at the very end, and that earned them a little respect from her.
But no she wasn't excited for the ball. She was excited for who would be at the ball, Draco Malfoy. She and Draco had never been friends, no she found him quite annoying, but he didn't say things about her being a squib like many others did, though he had only talked to her a few times. But the reason that she was so eager to see him was because she needed him for her plan. Her plan to get into Hogwarts.
- The link of the day is No, Re From 'Star Wars: The Force Awakes' Is Not A Mary Sue. I agree. As the article points out she's got her fatal flaws, and things aren't just handed to her.
- Flashback Sue … I knew I recognized the name.
B... is for beautiful.
I'm actually not looking for names of characters. While the names of characters do relate to Harry Potter fanfiction, they don't relate to fanfiction outside of the fandom.
TITLE: The Secret Life Of The British Squib
PERPETRATOR: KatinissHermioneCullen
SUE-O-METER:
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Leah is a beautiful pure-blood. But she's a squib, and her dream is to attend Hogwarts. With the help of Draco Malfoy she finds herself there, pretending to be a witch. Takes place in the seventh year. Everyone returns. OC/Draco Malfoy.”
FULL NAME: Leah Brookwind
SPECIES: bitch!squib
HAIR: See markings...
EYES: See markings...
MARKINGS: “She was seventeen and beautiful, with long perfectly straight thick waist length black hair and olive skin, big brown eyes with long eye-lashes. She had a slim waist, and perfect D-cup breasts.”
POSSESSIONS: From chapter two, “Leah then stripped out of her black lace night gown and into a pair of dark blue jeans and a white T-shirt, her black lacy push up bra visible underneath, then she slipped on her white strappy sandals and walked out of her bedroom and down some of the many halls and staircases until she arrived in the main sitting room where she found her mother sitting on the blue leather sofa, reading a book, a glass of red wine was set on the coffee table. She looked up from her book when Leah walked into the room.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Bitch Sue hates the fact she's a Squib, and decides to be a brat about the whole thing because it is “her last chance to see what the amazing place that her brother had spoken about so much was like.” She decides Draco will help her, and he doesn't even know it. (Run, Draco, run!) She pulls him aside, makes him promise not to tell even if he doesn't help, and then proceeds to manipulate him into going. “My brother is in on it and as an Auror, he said that he wanted to inspect the school as an after the war check-over to make sure that there were no dark items there, he changed my file from squib to home-schooled witch and that I would be attending this year for my last year.” (Sue, if you showed no sign of being magical, then you wouldn't have a file in the first place. Your brother also can't get into the school like that. Why? Because Hogwarts is in charge of it's own security, and is known to be high level that Dumbledore would know something is up. See, this is why I'm calling her a bitch.) In the second chapter she gets a wand. (At least the writer realized she couldn't just show up and get a wand. Sadly she thinks a wand would be sold in Knockturn Alley. Anybody see a black market wand backfiring on the user killing them?) Apparently Harry and Ron are there to. (Great …) She of course gets sorted, and doesn't get called out by the hat, who would know she's not there. She's able to convince the Sorting Hat to led her slide, but he won't let her into Slytherin which is how her plan would work. (Suethor, this is not a de-Sueifing trait as the hat wouldn't even agree in the first place.) Parvati finds out her wands is fake, and also doesn't turn her in for being a squib. I've had enough … this gets a Toxic rating.
ORIGIN: “Everything is explained in the summary...” We also get, “Also I know that Draco's a little OOC, that's why I was tempted to have it be a Harry/Leah instead of a Draco/Leah, because I am probably even worse at writing Draco than anyone else, so I apologize, but please go with that, remember he's changed, so that would change his character a little too.” (I don't buy it. Yes, Draco wouldn't look down on her, but he's not stupid enough to even go along with the plan. No one is.)
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “She was perfect in every way, except for the fact that she couldn't so magic. She was a squib. She despised being a squib, not being able to do what her twenty year old brother Josh, an auror, could do. She had always wanted to go to Hogwarts, she had studied magic in secret her entire life, she knew everything about it, the only problem was that she couldn't do it.” She's a manipulative bitch who can even manipulate the sorting hat.
NOTES: Why the hell would Draco help her? Actually, you need to have used magic to even get into the school, so there is no way Draco can actually sneak her in. This becomes even more questionable when we get this line. “She and Draco had never been friends, no she found him quite annoying, but he didn't say things about her being a squib like many others did, though he had only talked to her a few times. But the reason that she was so eager to see him was because she needed him for her plan. Her plan to get into Hogwarts.”
What's really bad though is the fact I'm labeling the Sue as a bitch as soon as I read the first part of the first chapter.
SAMPLE:
Leah's Pov
Leah Brookwind was a pure-blood, the daughter of Linda and Aaron Brookwind. She was seventeen and beautiful, with long perfectly straight thick waist length black hair and olive skin, big brown eyes with long eye-lashes. She had a slim waist, and perfect D-cup breasts. She was perfect in every way, except for the fact that she couldn't so magic. She was a squib. She despised being a squib, not being able to do what her twenty year old brother Josh, an auror, could do. She had always wanted to go to Hogwarts, she had studied magic in secret her entire life, she knew everything about it, the only problem was that she couldn't do it. This year though was her last chance to get into Hogwarts, her last chance to see what the amazing place that her brother had spoken about so much was like. And this year she had a plan, she had been planning for weeks, and now all she needed was someone to help.
xxx
Leah stood in front of the mirror in her room She was wearing a tight fitting mid-thigh length blue dress that had a halter neck line with a low dip that her large breasts threatened to spill out of. On her feet she wore simple blue heels. A diamond necklace hung around her neck, matching her earrings and bracelet, her hair was done up in a simple french braid, only a small amount of make-up was applied to her face.
She was excited, more excited than she had been in a long time. But it wasn't because of the Malfoy ball. She hated balls, and the Malfoy's were never her favorite people. Her family had chosen no sides during the war, up until the very end when her brother and parents had gone and fought with the Order, of course she had had to stay home. But she did know that the Malfoys had helped the Order at the very end, and that earned them a little respect from her.
But no she wasn't excited for the ball. She was excited for who would be at the ball, Draco Malfoy. She and Draco had never been friends, no she found him quite annoying, but he didn't say things about her being a squib like many others did, though he had only talked to her a few times. But the reason that she was so eager to see him was because she needed him for her plan. Her plan to get into Hogwarts.