3475: The Invisable Girl series - Jessica Lily Evans
I forgot to mention that I'm back from NaNoWriMo and Thanksgiving, and I hope you guys had a good month despite the fact I pretty much took an entire month off. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. Accepting entries for the Thirteenth Annual Pottersues Contest.
Today's link of the day is Alternate Unvierses and 'headcanons' are not the same thing.
We've also got a flashback sue again.
TITLE: The Invisable Sister, and The Serpent's Story (The Invisible Sister Series).
PERPETRATOR: GilfachGoddess-18 (Yes, the name looks familiar...)
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The books... the covers for the original books...
SUMMARY:”Jessica Evans, a young girl about to head off to Hogwarts for adventures, she meets the trio and makes good friends with them all. She's not a normal girl, and people realised that once they get on her bad side. She can get a tad violent when needed and is very strong. Follow Jessica Evans through her years at Hogwarts. PART OF A SERIES! It is a rewrite of an older book I wrote.”
FULL NAME: Jessica Lily Evans (Yes, you've seen the name before...)
SPECIES: She is the twin sister of Harry Potter.
HAIR: “I have long wavy black hair that reaches the small of my back, I have a fringe that covers an unusual scar above my right eye.
EYES: “I have bright blue eyes which I can make go wide and play innocence, (this comes in handy when I want something)...”
MARKINGS: The Sue has a scar over her right eye of course just like Harry Potter despite the fact the scar Harry Potter has resulted from the curse launched at him, and he was the only one who had said scar.
POSSESSIONS: “All I have of my parents is a key, a small key that fits in my hand and it's currently hanging around my neck on some string.” She's got a separate vault from her brother. Her wand has the same element as Harry despite the fact the books clearly say only two feathers were ever given.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The Sue gets dropped off on the doorstep of a Welsh orphanage. (Why would the Sue be given up and not placed in the same household as her brother? At least though it's not a copy of the original story so far.) She's still super perfect compared to the original, and we get a part about how “I'm going to start comprehensive school and I can't wait. Though all the girls at the orphanage has said how horrible it was, but I'm looking forwards to making new friends!” (This doesn't make much sense. Dumbledore practically blurts out the fact Jessica is a witch to the head of the orphanage rather then simply saying she would be going to a gifted school, and her praise of Jessica quickly changes. Jessica is singing a rude song she learned from an older student who goes to Air Cadets and claims the song is “not for her ears”, but she likes it anyways. She then gets to go shopping with her twin brother, and we find out her key has been with her this whole time. The conversation between Draco and Harry remains largely the same. The plot really doesn't change from the original, but there is a lot of the writer's own material. At some points though it felt like I was reading the same chapter, so it was time to quit.
ORIGIN: There was something familiar about this particular series, and I got to the writer's profile and remembered the part about “With my Harry Potter series, I have changed the timeline so it is NOT set in the 1990's. I was like 5 when the first book came out, please do not expect me to remember what it was like back then, all I can remember is those cool S shapes that the 'cool kids' could draw. I can barely remember what happened yesterday, I have a short term memory.” That is the story featured for the Flashback Sue today. She squeals with joy upon finding out that she's getting to go to the school.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's got a lot of angst regarding where she's from because besides wanting to know about the scar on her head, “I want to know where I get my musical taste from, where I get my taste for knowledge yet I still like to plan jokes and pranks and sneak food from the kitchen.” The Suethor is having the Sue lean towards the nature part of nature versus nurture here, but in reality some of these traits could be related to nurture instead, and thus wouldn't be something the character would actually wonder about. She can speak both English and Welsh almost fluently with a few problems with the English. “I grew up speaking two languages, one language at home in the orphanage and one at school. It was very confusing when I was a young child but my two best friends helped me a lot, it was a good thing for them to do,” and later we find out “I hope you are happy with her file, she has always been a smart child, and she helps the other girls here too. She struggled a bit with speaking English at home but at school they said her Welsh was perfect!. […] Pf cpirse, all of my girls do, it's a policy we have, speak Welsh at school and speak English here.”(Why? Shouldn't this be the school teaching both languages?) Later on her Welsh is described as “Welsh with the perfect accent.” She can play the violin, piano and recorder, plus has perfect grades and behavior to the point of getting called “teacher's pet and geek and nerd and all those American geek names.” (Why? Why not the British ones?)
NOTES: I found myself groaning first at the title which is meant to indicate that we've got a forgotten character usually. Then I groaned at the fact the writer goes out of her way to describe her character as violent, and it almost seems as if the writer's treating that as a positive trait with no repercussions. On the positive side of things the writer has made an active effort to improve their story, and there are improvements. So much so I no longer feel the need to put “The-Twin-Who-Shouldn't-Even-Exist-And-Is-Way-Too-Perfect-Too-Be-True-So-She-Gets-This-Ridicously-Long-Title” in species spot like I did before. She's still way to perfect though, and the stories likely heading in the same direction as before.
You know, the Sue grew up in Wales, so I don't get why her knowing Welsh is such a big deal when that's part of the standard curriculum over there.
SAMPLE:
I wish I was able to say that I had a nice childhood, where I had everything I wanted but I cannot say that. My name is Jessica Lily Evans and I was brought up in an orphanage in Wales. I don't know who my parents are and the person in charge of the orphanage, Ms Happy told me that I was placed outside the door and left there when I was one years old.
I have bright blue eyes which I can make go wide and play innocence, (this comes in handy when I want something), I have long wavy black hair that reaches the small of my back, I have a fringe that covers an unusual scar above my right eye. It usually gets stares so I've covered it now.
I grew up speaking two languages, one language at home in the orphanage and one at school. It was very confusing when I was a young child but my two best friends helped me a lot, it was a good thing for them to do.
I wish I knew more about my earlier life, I was told that I was dropped off here at the age of one with a letter on Halloween, what a day! I want to read that letter so badly! But unfortunately, the letter is kept with my personal files and we're not allowed to see them. I want to know about my Mum and Dad and I want to know why I have a lightning shaped scar on my forehead, I want to know where I get my musical taste from, where I get my taste for knowledge yet I still like to plan jokes and pranks and sneak food from the kitchen.
All I have of my parents is a key, a small key that fits in my hand and it's currently hanging around my neck on some string. As a child of an Orphanage, it has a strict rule that a report comes back to the Orphanage once a month detailing our behaviour in school as well as our grades and test marks.
Mine have been all good, I like to study ahead so I'm prepared for my class. My old primary school had a brilliant music program for youngsters, I took part and I can play the violin, piano and the recorder. My teachers were happy about my progress in school.
But the other kids in my class kept calling me teacher's pet and geek and nerd and all those American geek names. Of course I told them to shut up and got into a fight with some of them and got into a lot of trouble with the orphanage.
But the kids at school look up to me now and I don't get called all those horrible names, I even got prefect and all the littler kids looked up to me. Soon I'm moving schools, I'm going to start comprehensive school and I can't wait. Though all the girls at the orphanage has said how horrible it was, but I'm looking forwards to making new friends!
The ones I have no are childish, I feel more mature than most of the kids in primary school. I'm only ten, but I'll be eleven in a week.
But the week before I turned eleven, I had a visitor. I was sitting in the lobby of the building with a book on music, curled up and hidden in one of my secret places and humming to myself. I saw the man that walked through wearing long robes that brushed the floor and half-moon glasses, with white hair and a long white beard.
Today's link of the day is Alternate Unvierses and 'headcanons' are not the same thing.
We've also got a flashback sue again.
TITLE: The Invisable Sister, and The Serpent's Story (The Invisible Sister Series).
PERPETRATOR: GilfachGoddess-18 (Yes, the name looks familiar...)
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The books... the covers for the original books...
SUMMARY:”Jessica Evans, a young girl about to head off to Hogwarts for adventures, she meets the trio and makes good friends with them all. She's not a normal girl, and people realised that once they get on her bad side. She can get a tad violent when needed and is very strong. Follow Jessica Evans through her years at Hogwarts. PART OF A SERIES! It is a rewrite of an older book I wrote.”
FULL NAME: Jessica Lily Evans (Yes, you've seen the name before...)
SPECIES: She is the twin sister of Harry Potter.
HAIR: “I have long wavy black hair that reaches the small of my back, I have a fringe that covers an unusual scar above my right eye.
EYES: “I have bright blue eyes which I can make go wide and play innocence, (this comes in handy when I want something)...”
MARKINGS: The Sue has a scar over her right eye of course just like Harry Potter despite the fact the scar Harry Potter has resulted from the curse launched at him, and he was the only one who had said scar.
POSSESSIONS: “All I have of my parents is a key, a small key that fits in my hand and it's currently hanging around my neck on some string.” She's got a separate vault from her brother. Her wand has the same element as Harry despite the fact the books clearly say only two feathers were ever given.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The Sue gets dropped off on the doorstep of a Welsh orphanage. (Why would the Sue be given up and not placed in the same household as her brother? At least though it's not a copy of the original story so far.) She's still super perfect compared to the original, and we get a part about how “I'm going to start comprehensive school and I can't wait. Though all the girls at the orphanage has said how horrible it was, but I'm looking forwards to making new friends!” (This doesn't make much sense. Dumbledore practically blurts out the fact Jessica is a witch to the head of the orphanage rather then simply saying she would be going to a gifted school, and her praise of Jessica quickly changes. Jessica is singing a rude song she learned from an older student who goes to Air Cadets and claims the song is “not for her ears”, but she likes it anyways. She then gets to go shopping with her twin brother, and we find out her key has been with her this whole time. The conversation between Draco and Harry remains largely the same. The plot really doesn't change from the original, but there is a lot of the writer's own material. At some points though it felt like I was reading the same chapter, so it was time to quit.
ORIGIN: There was something familiar about this particular series, and I got to the writer's profile and remembered the part about “With my Harry Potter series, I have changed the timeline so it is NOT set in the 1990's. I was like 5 when the first book came out, please do not expect me to remember what it was like back then, all I can remember is those cool S shapes that the 'cool kids' could draw. I can barely remember what happened yesterday, I have a short term memory.” That is the story featured for the Flashback Sue today. She squeals with joy upon finding out that she's getting to go to the school.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's got a lot of angst regarding where she's from because besides wanting to know about the scar on her head, “I want to know where I get my musical taste from, where I get my taste for knowledge yet I still like to plan jokes and pranks and sneak food from the kitchen.” The Suethor is having the Sue lean towards the nature part of nature versus nurture here, but in reality some of these traits could be related to nurture instead, and thus wouldn't be something the character would actually wonder about. She can speak both English and Welsh almost fluently with a few problems with the English. “I grew up speaking two languages, one language at home in the orphanage and one at school. It was very confusing when I was a young child but my two best friends helped me a lot, it was a good thing for them to do,” and later we find out “I hope you are happy with her file, she has always been a smart child, and she helps the other girls here too. She struggled a bit with speaking English at home but at school they said her Welsh was perfect!. […] Pf cpirse, all of my girls do, it's a policy we have, speak Welsh at school and speak English here.”(Why? Shouldn't this be the school teaching both languages?) Later on her Welsh is described as “Welsh with the perfect accent.” She can play the violin, piano and recorder, plus has perfect grades and behavior to the point of getting called “teacher's pet and geek and nerd and all those American geek names.” (Why? Why not the British ones?)
NOTES: I found myself groaning first at the title which is meant to indicate that we've got a forgotten character usually. Then I groaned at the fact the writer goes out of her way to describe her character as violent, and it almost seems as if the writer's treating that as a positive trait with no repercussions. On the positive side of things the writer has made an active effort to improve their story, and there are improvements. So much so I no longer feel the need to put “The-Twin-Who-Shouldn't-Even-Exist-And-Is-Way-Too-Perfect-Too-Be-True-So-She-Gets-This-Ridicously-Long-Title” in species spot like I did before. She's still way to perfect though, and the stories likely heading in the same direction as before.
You know, the Sue grew up in Wales, so I don't get why her knowing Welsh is such a big deal when that's part of the standard curriculum over there.
SAMPLE:
I wish I was able to say that I had a nice childhood, where I had everything I wanted but I cannot say that. My name is Jessica Lily Evans and I was brought up in an orphanage in Wales. I don't know who my parents are and the person in charge of the orphanage, Ms Happy told me that I was placed outside the door and left there when I was one years old.
I have bright blue eyes which I can make go wide and play innocence, (this comes in handy when I want something), I have long wavy black hair that reaches the small of my back, I have a fringe that covers an unusual scar above my right eye. It usually gets stares so I've covered it now.
I grew up speaking two languages, one language at home in the orphanage and one at school. It was very confusing when I was a young child but my two best friends helped me a lot, it was a good thing for them to do.
I wish I knew more about my earlier life, I was told that I was dropped off here at the age of one with a letter on Halloween, what a day! I want to read that letter so badly! But unfortunately, the letter is kept with my personal files and we're not allowed to see them. I want to know about my Mum and Dad and I want to know why I have a lightning shaped scar on my forehead, I want to know where I get my musical taste from, where I get my taste for knowledge yet I still like to plan jokes and pranks and sneak food from the kitchen.
All I have of my parents is a key, a small key that fits in my hand and it's currently hanging around my neck on some string. As a child of an Orphanage, it has a strict rule that a report comes back to the Orphanage once a month detailing our behaviour in school as well as our grades and test marks.
Mine have been all good, I like to study ahead so I'm prepared for my class. My old primary school had a brilliant music program for youngsters, I took part and I can play the violin, piano and the recorder. My teachers were happy about my progress in school.
But the other kids in my class kept calling me teacher's pet and geek and nerd and all those American geek names. Of course I told them to shut up and got into a fight with some of them and got into a lot of trouble with the orphanage.
But the kids at school look up to me now and I don't get called all those horrible names, I even got prefect and all the littler kids looked up to me. Soon I'm moving schools, I'm going to start comprehensive school and I can't wait. Though all the girls at the orphanage has said how horrible it was, but I'm looking forwards to making new friends!
The ones I have no are childish, I feel more mature than most of the kids in primary school. I'm only ten, but I'll be eleven in a week.
But the week before I turned eleven, I had a visitor. I was sitting in the lobby of the building with a book on music, curled up and hidden in one of my secret places and humming to myself. I saw the man that walked through wearing long robes that brushed the floor and half-moon glasses, with white hair and a long white beard.