Annelies Sparrow/Guinevere Sparrow
TITLE: The Course of Fate
CULPRIT: Captain America Captain America isn't the greatest superhero ever...but please, even his name doesn't deserve to be defiled in thia manner.
SUMMARY: "Annelies Sparrow hates men. But against her beliefs she falls in love with Will and is seperated bc Jack find's out. They meet five years later when she attacks a ship and is on trial to be hung. What will happen?Will Will save her? WillYou"
BEST LINE: Please...don't make me read it again.
THE VERDICT
This shot is meant for you, Sue.
NAME: Annelies Sparrow...maybe. Possibly Guinevere.
EYES: don't know
HAIR: don't care
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: [See Above]
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Jack's daughter...
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack's daughter and Will's true love.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": I just...I just don't know. The story goes back and forth randomly from second-person to third person. There are random songs being sung and horribly anachronistic dialogue. The entire first chapter is some sort of long stupid conversation about people wanting Sue or something.
Then the second chapter is called "UnJiggly Butt" and all of a sudden Sue's name is Guinevere and she purposely bumps into Will and picks a fight with him and she still talks like a modern (really, really stupid) teenager and...I need rest.
NOTES: This has to be a parody.
The author claims to be "almost thirteen" (meaning she shouldn't actually be on FF.net in the first place) and has a ridiculously long bio that scares me profoundly. It includes the declaration (in all caps) that she intends to marry a 90 year old rich man so that when he dies "in like a year" she can have all of his money... She also goes on about her ancestors who came over on the Mayflower and/or invented the Almond Joy...
I just...I'm scared.
EXCERPT:
There are no words. Seriously. I'm speechless.
This is my first FanFiction fiction, but I had an idea which I got from Bosie Bloo...hehe! My story still has a kick-ass girl. She hates Will at first, and then falls in love but will is supposedly killed by Jack because he won’t see you two together and he is even madder that Will got you pregnant. So you meet five years later, and you are to be hanged for being a pirate, but will Will save you, will he even remember you? And what about your daughter? So in this story you are a kick-ass girl and stuff...not some big sweet prude who has manners and never swears or shows any skin...This is the evil Erica!!! (If you want the prude Erica read some stupid persons story...BUT NOT MINE!!! Anyways here I am babbling on...I’m known for that...here it is!!!
In this chapter I am going to use lyrics...I know whine whine well I found a great song that could fit in...much love... anyway if you can name the song I used in this chapter I will show you the second chapter before I post it aka it takes so long for it to show up on fan fiction so once it is done I will e-mail it to you.
You held the mascara brush to your eyes, knowing fully well that this black was too black for your brown eyes. People always looked surprised when they say you wore make-up. As you saw it yah, you were tough but that does not mean you have to look like Anna Marie. Many a time you tried to show her make-up existed, but so far no luck in that department of your life.
You usually went with a brown/black which you bought from a make-up specialist in Port Rimmel, but you had decided to buy black this time from a prostitute from Tortuga figuring it must look good if a man is in her bead every night. Well you were wrong.
"Hey". You thought when you bought it, "At least they are good for something", but their make-up sucked too.
"Well at least we are visiting Fathers friend today, maybe I can get some dough from him if I promise not to punch him" you thought.
Singing a song you heard from a local whore, something or the other was her name, you applied a thin layer of ruby red lipstick.
I need a heavyweight like Georgy Foreman
To work my ocean like the Long Shoreman
I'm real successful
I live off interests
So get it right bitch I'm the Diamond Princess
Banking and its all for the cause
(Making a mental note to yourself to learn the rest of the song if you ever saw her again, you started to leave your room and walk up the stairs when you stopped.
Your father, the famous Jack Sparrow, was wringing the neck of Jamie, who was so wimpy he could not pick a mouse out of his soup last night before crying for his mom and asking her, the wonderful Annelies, to help him...what’s the word for that...GAY!!!
Once gaining her composure after laughing over her memory, her attention went back to Jamie dangling in the air like a hunter holding a dead goose up.
"Yup, that’s what he is, a messed up goose!" Annelies thought to herself, once again crouching over with laughter at Jamie’s idiotic face.
Then walking over to her father, she timidly asked what was the matter. Not like she was scared of him, hell no, but you just needed to be careful when Jack was drunk and now was one of those times.
"Nothing dear, just a little freak,"
At this point her fathers grip on Jamie’s neck was beginning to show on Jamie’s usually tan, now white face.
"What did he do this time father?" Annelies said as she sighed.
"This little creep finds it amusing to watch you dress, and I tripped over his head as he was looking through a hole in your door."
"But kind Captain Jack Sparrow, I was only looking to see if...
"To see what, her boobs perhaps, or as perverts like you call them, jugs?" Now Jack was getting pissed.
"No sir I was only looking to see if Janice, the old cook, remembers her, the one who liked me; well I wanted to see if she had left me a note in Annelies room like she said she would."
Jamie was getting scared...but to Annelies this was better than watching couples fight in Tortuga. You decided to get comfortable so you leaned on a few crates, only to learn they were full of lobsters once one ripped you dress.
"Crap," you muttered not wanting to interrupt the show. For the time being you moved to leaning on a piece of wood leaning on a wall.
"Oh well then I suppose I should let you go, right Jamie?
You could tell Jamie was falling for the make-friends-then-kick-their-ass- trick.
You were right.
Jamie quickly shook his head.
Jack only replied "oh well..." before slamming his face in Jamie’s face. "Still gives you no right" Jack said wiping the blood off on his pants.
But Annelies had a bone to pick with her Jack.
"Father, you were supposed to fill the hole with tar months ago when that old creep, remember him; was caught peeking while I was dressing. Do you not trust me?"
"Dearest, ur ol’ man trusts you, I just wanted..." by know his face was turning pink from embarrassment.
"So? What’s the excuse now?" Annelies was really getting ticked at her father’s inability to trust anyone, let alone her after she stole one of his finest rubies because it looked good on her. (And it really did!) But no, she would have lost it in a storm Jack had claimed.
The real reason was that he could never trust her mother, and like mother like daughter. Even though he loved Annelies with all his heart, he could never fully trust her because of her mother’s rash actions. But he could also never tell her that. So he just kept it to himself.
"Annelies, at the age you are at, and being the only female on board, I am worried, so by keeping the hole I can see if a crew member is trying to rape you...or the opposite," he said under his breath when she was looking down blushing.
Once again looking up Annelies replied "Father, last week I kicked Mr. Gibbs ass because he tried to hold my hand to help me walk across the rope to the ship we had attacked."
At this Mr. Gibbs slowly walked up to her and said "Miss, I still have bruises."
And with this Annelies shoved him into a few barrels.
"And just then I shoved three hundred pound Gibbs, and I weigh what, 120 pounds? He wasn’t even making a move on me. I think I can handle some ass who feels he has a right to me."
Jack’s eyes glowing with pride directed to his daughter for shoving Mr. Gibbs, still tried to make his point.
"My dear, you can not and will not change my mind."
"But Father... Annelies was cut off by Jack.
"No...The hole stays...
Annelies just walked away knowing he had beat her at this battle.
She went into her room and admired her dresses and jewels.
That night, while walking out of her room for dinner, Jack walked right into her.
"Father some of us have better things, like a hobby, do you know what that means? To do something other than drink rum. Comprendo?" Annelies said to Jack.
"Well my dear you ain’t living life if you ain’t drinkin’ it away. Forsizzle? Jack was really tipsy tonight.
You had never heard the word "forsizzle" before, and he only created his own lingo when he was really drunk.
Observation My situation Ain't looking up I'm having stupid suicidal thoughts Complication My hesitation To cut you off Has put me at a total lose Devastation My reputation Is headed south My medications running out Congratulations I'm your creation Well how bout that You better lock your doors cause the bitch is back
Annelies sang when she was pissed, mad, or happy. She sucked at it, but hey, she’ll set anyone who tells her that straight.
Annelies learned all her songs from some whore in Tortuga, who she would talk to while Jack had some fun on the second level of the inn with that night’s lucky catch.
Right now she was mad, and you could tell by the way her eyes were dramatically changing from deep brown to blue to hazel.
"Screw dinner" she thought as she turned around and made her way down the hall to her room.
But once again she was stopped by Jack bumping into her.
"Dearest guess what?
"I got a new father" guessed Annelies accidentally out loud.
"Nope we’re goin’ to port Royale! Willie boy got some problems, ok? Well don’t matter what you think cuz we going anyways...and were off zoooom..."
"Great, so my father has become drunk while we sail into the town that is like a kill pirates paradise,
"Well at least I can shop... and maybe lose him for a few days.
But she would not lose anybody, only gain. And who would that lucky person be?
Who is that lucky person? And what is Will’s problem? How about you relationship with your dad?
So did you like it? Give me a few reviews and by Monday you may find another chapter...well you may anyways I’ll be home alone ALL DAY!!!! Oh...the PAIN!!!
Now you know the origins of forsizzle, although I think it may be for sizzle...oh well!
Anyways, Annelies is not that mean (right?!?) and your relationship with your dad sucks...for now...but everyone loves their dad...when the time is right
Love Always Erica till’ the next time
Oh and you HAVE TO read Dire Clandestine: A You and Will Story [1803240] by Bosie Bloo otherwise evil penguins as Bosie Bloo calls them will attack you!!!
...
Later that day, while having lunch at the Dancing Pig, Guinevere met up with her so-called "friend", Sam Norrington.
He was Norrington’s little brother.
It was funny talking to sweet, love everybody Sam, while his brother was like a kill pirates maniac. Yet here you sat talking.
You kind of used him, I mean if someone threw at you a boy who would tell you the latest news and gossip but otherwise was a loser, who wouldn’t? Atleast Sam knew you were a pirate, and knowing this he could tell you what (or who!) Norrington was looking for at the moment.
So yah, once again, you used him. But oh well, because you could also tell he liked you, so you loved flirting with him and making him think you liked him.
He was kind of like one of those pieces of candy you would suck on, but when the flavor was gone you just spit them out...
After a few moments though his update was done and you were bored out of your mind.
So seeing a young man walk by, you quickly got up, stood to the side, and let him walk into you. You beforehand had decided to lay there for a few moments to see if it would gather a crowd when you started to yell, but this man really knocked you down...HARD!!!
"You frigin idiot, what am I to you, did you not see? Are you as gay as you look?" Guinevere was ticked. This was totally not what she had expected...it was better.
"Miss....um well I am so sorry is there anything I can do for you?" You could tell this man really WAS sorry...haha this was even better than you planned.
"Yah, you could kill your self or at least chop your legs off" Guinevere stopped, the man was pointing to her dress.
On the side, a huge rip went all the way up to your bloomers. And of course today you are wearing the baby pink ones.
"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR STINKIN ASS!!!!!!"
"Umm..." the man started to back away from Guinevere, but the growing crowd only let him go so far.
Guinevere started to throw punches at him, anywhere she could get at.
With both of them in a tangle, the man trying to pull her off of him, and her trying to kill him, the situation was quite funny.
"This dress was more than you will ever..." she stopped to throw a punch at his nose "make in your whole frigin life you gay man!"
"And you just come waltzing up saying "Oh, I’m Mr. Sexy!" in your head. Well you aren’t you ass...my crap looks better than you. As she leaned in to bite him, she yelled loudly "and smells better too!"
"Get off of me you crazy old woman, what are you, a sycho?" Will was really getting scared.
All of a sudden Guinevere backed up.
Jack Sparrow was standing next to her.
"Well Will, I see you have met me daughter."
Your what? I thought she was the devil’s child but yah, her being your child is along the same lines too. Will immediately regretted that comment.
This comment earned Will a nasty glare from both Jack and Guinevere. "Will, meet me daughter Guinevere. Guinevere, Will Turner."
Guinevere’s jaw fell to the floor.
"Well, there goes my plan of promising not to beat him up for some money" she thought to herself with a smirk.
Guinevere looked to Will, who’s eyes at this point were as big as tennis balls.
She smiled and mouthed "I’m your own, personal hell maker."
Will backed away.
"This is going to be fun...really fun" Guinevere thought to herself.
Do you like? Anyways I’m typing this at three in the morning I snuck downstairs (my computer does not have internet.) But now I am really tired. Nighty-Night.
Love Always, Erica
CULPRIT: Captain America Captain America isn't the greatest superhero ever...but please, even his name doesn't deserve to be defiled in thia manner.
SUMMARY: "Annelies Sparrow hates men. But against her beliefs she falls in love with Will and is seperated bc Jack find's out. They meet five years later when she attacks a ship and is on trial to be hung. What will happen?Will Will save her? WillYou"
BEST LINE: Please...don't make me read it again.
THE VERDICT
This shot is meant for you, Sue.
NAME: Annelies Sparrow...maybe. Possibly Guinevere.
EYES: don't know
HAIR: don't care
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: [See Above]
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Jack's daughter...
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack's daughter and Will's true love.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": I just...I just don't know. The story goes back and forth randomly from second-person to third person. There are random songs being sung and horribly anachronistic dialogue. The entire first chapter is some sort of long stupid conversation about people wanting Sue or something.
Then the second chapter is called "UnJiggly Butt" and all of a sudden Sue's name is Guinevere and she purposely bumps into Will and picks a fight with him and she still talks like a modern (really, really stupid) teenager and...I need rest.
NOTES: This has to be a parody.
The author claims to be "almost thirteen" (meaning she shouldn't actually be on FF.net in the first place) and has a ridiculously long bio that scares me profoundly. It includes the declaration (in all caps) that she intends to marry a 90 year old rich man so that when he dies "in like a year" she can have all of his money... She also goes on about her ancestors who came over on the Mayflower and/or invented the Almond Joy...
I just...I'm scared.
EXCERPT:
There are no words. Seriously. I'm speechless.
This is my first FanFiction fiction, but I had an idea which I got from Bosie Bloo...hehe! My story still has a kick-ass girl. She hates Will at first, and then falls in love but will is supposedly killed by Jack because he won’t see you two together and he is even madder that Will got you pregnant. So you meet five years later, and you are to be hanged for being a pirate, but will Will save you, will he even remember you? And what about your daughter? So in this story you are a kick-ass girl and stuff...not some big sweet prude who has manners and never swears or shows any skin...This is the evil Erica!!! (If you want the prude Erica read some stupid persons story...BUT NOT MINE!!! Anyways here I am babbling on...I’m known for that...here it is!!!
In this chapter I am going to use lyrics...I know whine whine well I found a great song that could fit in...much love... anyway if you can name the song I used in this chapter I will show you the second chapter before I post it aka it takes so long for it to show up on fan fiction so once it is done I will e-mail it to you.
You held the mascara brush to your eyes, knowing fully well that this black was too black for your brown eyes. People always looked surprised when they say you wore make-up. As you saw it yah, you were tough but that does not mean you have to look like Anna Marie. Many a time you tried to show her make-up existed, but so far no luck in that department of your life.
You usually went with a brown/black which you bought from a make-up specialist in Port Rimmel, but you had decided to buy black this time from a prostitute from Tortuga figuring it must look good if a man is in her bead every night. Well you were wrong.
"Hey". You thought when you bought it, "At least they are good for something", but their make-up sucked too.
"Well at least we are visiting Fathers friend today, maybe I can get some dough from him if I promise not to punch him" you thought.
Singing a song you heard from a local whore, something or the other was her name, you applied a thin layer of ruby red lipstick.
I need a heavyweight like Georgy Foreman
To work my ocean like the Long Shoreman
I'm real successful
I live off interests
So get it right bitch I'm the Diamond Princess
Banking and its all for the cause
(Making a mental note to yourself to learn the rest of the song if you ever saw her again, you started to leave your room and walk up the stairs when you stopped.
Your father, the famous Jack Sparrow, was wringing the neck of Jamie, who was so wimpy he could not pick a mouse out of his soup last night before crying for his mom and asking her, the wonderful Annelies, to help him...what’s the word for that...GAY!!!
Once gaining her composure after laughing over her memory, her attention went back to Jamie dangling in the air like a hunter holding a dead goose up.
"Yup, that’s what he is, a messed up goose!" Annelies thought to herself, once again crouching over with laughter at Jamie’s idiotic face.
Then walking over to her father, she timidly asked what was the matter. Not like she was scared of him, hell no, but you just needed to be careful when Jack was drunk and now was one of those times.
"Nothing dear, just a little freak,"
At this point her fathers grip on Jamie’s neck was beginning to show on Jamie’s usually tan, now white face.
"What did he do this time father?" Annelies said as she sighed.
"This little creep finds it amusing to watch you dress, and I tripped over his head as he was looking through a hole in your door."
"But kind Captain Jack Sparrow, I was only looking to see if...
"To see what, her boobs perhaps, or as perverts like you call them, jugs?" Now Jack was getting pissed.
"No sir I was only looking to see if Janice, the old cook, remembers her, the one who liked me; well I wanted to see if she had left me a note in Annelies room like she said she would."
Jamie was getting scared...but to Annelies this was better than watching couples fight in Tortuga. You decided to get comfortable so you leaned on a few crates, only to learn they were full of lobsters once one ripped you dress.
"Crap," you muttered not wanting to interrupt the show. For the time being you moved to leaning on a piece of wood leaning on a wall.
"Oh well then I suppose I should let you go, right Jamie?
You could tell Jamie was falling for the make-friends-then-kick-their-ass- trick.
You were right.
Jamie quickly shook his head.
Jack only replied "oh well..." before slamming his face in Jamie’s face. "Still gives you no right" Jack said wiping the blood off on his pants.
But Annelies had a bone to pick with her Jack.
"Father, you were supposed to fill the hole with tar months ago when that old creep, remember him; was caught peeking while I was dressing. Do you not trust me?"
"Dearest, ur ol’ man trusts you, I just wanted..." by know his face was turning pink from embarrassment.
"So? What’s the excuse now?" Annelies was really getting ticked at her father’s inability to trust anyone, let alone her after she stole one of his finest rubies because it looked good on her. (And it really did!) But no, she would have lost it in a storm Jack had claimed.
The real reason was that he could never trust her mother, and like mother like daughter. Even though he loved Annelies with all his heart, he could never fully trust her because of her mother’s rash actions. But he could also never tell her that. So he just kept it to himself.
"Annelies, at the age you are at, and being the only female on board, I am worried, so by keeping the hole I can see if a crew member is trying to rape you...or the opposite," he said under his breath when she was looking down blushing.
Once again looking up Annelies replied "Father, last week I kicked Mr. Gibbs ass because he tried to hold my hand to help me walk across the rope to the ship we had attacked."
At this Mr. Gibbs slowly walked up to her and said "Miss, I still have bruises."
And with this Annelies shoved him into a few barrels.
"And just then I shoved three hundred pound Gibbs, and I weigh what, 120 pounds? He wasn’t even making a move on me. I think I can handle some ass who feels he has a right to me."
Jack’s eyes glowing with pride directed to his daughter for shoving Mr. Gibbs, still tried to make his point.
"My dear, you can not and will not change my mind."
"But Father... Annelies was cut off by Jack.
"No...The hole stays...
Annelies just walked away knowing he had beat her at this battle.
She went into her room and admired her dresses and jewels.
That night, while walking out of her room for dinner, Jack walked right into her.
"Father some of us have better things, like a hobby, do you know what that means? To do something other than drink rum. Comprendo?" Annelies said to Jack.
"Well my dear you ain’t living life if you ain’t drinkin’ it away. Forsizzle? Jack was really tipsy tonight.
You had never heard the word "forsizzle" before, and he only created his own lingo when he was really drunk.
Observation My situation Ain't looking up I'm having stupid suicidal thoughts Complication My hesitation To cut you off Has put me at a total lose Devastation My reputation Is headed south My medications running out Congratulations I'm your creation Well how bout that You better lock your doors cause the bitch is back
Annelies sang when she was pissed, mad, or happy. She sucked at it, but hey, she’ll set anyone who tells her that straight.
Annelies learned all her songs from some whore in Tortuga, who she would talk to while Jack had some fun on the second level of the inn with that night’s lucky catch.
Right now she was mad, and you could tell by the way her eyes were dramatically changing from deep brown to blue to hazel.
"Screw dinner" she thought as she turned around and made her way down the hall to her room.
But once again she was stopped by Jack bumping into her.
"Dearest guess what?
"I got a new father" guessed Annelies accidentally out loud.
"Nope we’re goin’ to port Royale! Willie boy got some problems, ok? Well don’t matter what you think cuz we going anyways...and were off zoooom..."
"Great, so my father has become drunk while we sail into the town that is like a kill pirates paradise,
"Well at least I can shop... and maybe lose him for a few days.
But she would not lose anybody, only gain. And who would that lucky person be?
Who is that lucky person? And what is Will’s problem? How about you relationship with your dad?
So did you like it? Give me a few reviews and by Monday you may find another chapter...well you may anyways I’ll be home alone ALL DAY!!!! Oh...the PAIN!!!
Now you know the origins of forsizzle, although I think it may be for sizzle...oh well!
Anyways, Annelies is not that mean (right?!?) and your relationship with your dad sucks...for now...but everyone loves their dad...when the time is right
Love Always Erica till’ the next time
Oh and you HAVE TO read Dire Clandestine: A You and Will Story [1803240] by Bosie Bloo otherwise evil penguins as Bosie Bloo calls them will attack you!!!
...
Later that day, while having lunch at the Dancing Pig, Guinevere met up with her so-called "friend", Sam Norrington.
He was Norrington’s little brother.
It was funny talking to sweet, love everybody Sam, while his brother was like a kill pirates maniac. Yet here you sat talking.
You kind of used him, I mean if someone threw at you a boy who would tell you the latest news and gossip but otherwise was a loser, who wouldn’t? Atleast Sam knew you were a pirate, and knowing this he could tell you what (or who!) Norrington was looking for at the moment.
So yah, once again, you used him. But oh well, because you could also tell he liked you, so you loved flirting with him and making him think you liked him.
He was kind of like one of those pieces of candy you would suck on, but when the flavor was gone you just spit them out...
After a few moments though his update was done and you were bored out of your mind.
So seeing a young man walk by, you quickly got up, stood to the side, and let him walk into you. You beforehand had decided to lay there for a few moments to see if it would gather a crowd when you started to yell, but this man really knocked you down...HARD!!!
"You frigin idiot, what am I to you, did you not see? Are you as gay as you look?" Guinevere was ticked. This was totally not what she had expected...it was better.
"Miss....um well I am so sorry is there anything I can do for you?" You could tell this man really WAS sorry...haha this was even better than you planned.
"Yah, you could kill your self or at least chop your legs off" Guinevere stopped, the man was pointing to her dress.
On the side, a huge rip went all the way up to your bloomers. And of course today you are wearing the baby pink ones.
"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR STINKIN ASS!!!!!!"
"Umm..." the man started to back away from Guinevere, but the growing crowd only let him go so far.
Guinevere started to throw punches at him, anywhere she could get at.
With both of them in a tangle, the man trying to pull her off of him, and her trying to kill him, the situation was quite funny.
"This dress was more than you will ever..." she stopped to throw a punch at his nose "make in your whole frigin life you gay man!"
"And you just come waltzing up saying "Oh, I’m Mr. Sexy!" in your head. Well you aren’t you ass...my crap looks better than you. As she leaned in to bite him, she yelled loudly "and smells better too!"
"Get off of me you crazy old woman, what are you, a sycho?" Will was really getting scared.
All of a sudden Guinevere backed up.
Jack Sparrow was standing next to her.
"Well Will, I see you have met me daughter."
Your what? I thought she was the devil’s child but yah, her being your child is along the same lines too. Will immediately regretted that comment.
This comment earned Will a nasty glare from both Jack and Guinevere. "Will, meet me daughter Guinevere. Guinevere, Will Turner."
Guinevere’s jaw fell to the floor.
"Well, there goes my plan of promising not to beat him up for some money" she thought to herself with a smirk.
Guinevere looked to Will, who’s eyes at this point were as big as tennis balls.
She smiled and mouthed "I’m your own, personal hell maker."
Will backed away.
"This is going to be fun...really fun" Guinevere thought to herself.
Do you like? Anyways I’m typing this at three in the morning I snuck downstairs (my computer does not have internet.) But now I am really tired. Nighty-Night.
Love Always, Erica