Kendra Steelheart
Two today. Because they're short. Yet, quite bad anyway.
The First:
TITLE: An Improbable Meeting Indeed.
CULPRIT: Mrs Capt Jack Sparrows At first I thought that I'd reported this person before, but, no. She's just one of Jack's many wives.
SUMMARY: "Kendra Steelheart, 20 yrs old, has been living on the streets for 10 yrs. Everything is dull & boring until she tries to pick pocket a certain pirate captain. PG-13 for minor violence, may change in the future,I don't know blame my muses if it does"
BEST LINE: "Elizabeth nearly had to drag Annamaria up the stairs to her bedroom, Anna mimicking Jack's sentiments only more vulgar language" Dirty! I'm easily amused today.
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank, bitch.
NAME: Kendra Steelheart
EYES: not described
HAIR: "shoulder length honey blonde hair (though it looks more dirty blonde due to the dirt and grime)"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "Even though Kendra is now poor, a bit (meaning a lot) grimy, her dress covered in dust, and her hair matted, she still has her mother's beauty all the same" "She stands at about 5'7," "She is very skinny, partly due to heredity, partly due to the lack of food. She has a very hour glass figure even though she's tiny. Because of her looks, people take pity on her, which is fine with her, she can usually get a bit more out of them that way."
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Some chick whose biological father was a navy man (killed at sea) and whose stepfather murdered her mother. She lived on the streets from the age of ten being a beggar/pickpocket/etc.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: None so far. But you can take a wild stab in the dark.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: "the fine art of begging, pick pocketing and stealing whatever necessary to survive"
Bonus Sue
Kat- Age: 19. Sue's "one friend in this world." "stands at about 5'3" and is also very skinny, though she doesn't have Kendra's hourglass frame or looks but is pretty in her own right. Her dress is also very dirty, and she also has shoulder length matted hair and it is dirty blonde."
THE "PLOT": So, there's this Sue. She has an evil stepdaddy. He murders her mother. Sue runs off into the night and immediately decides that she must live on the streets and fend for herself. You know...instead of alerting some sort of authority to the fact that her mother has been murdered. I know it's the late 16th/early 17th century, but there was law enforcement. Anyway, within the amazingly short chapter there's also a really long and unnecessary song and many, many pointless and obnoxious author's notes.
Next chapter, The author makes us endure even more author's notes in order to explain how she almost cried when she had Sue's stepfather kill Sue's mother. Because, you know, that was lyke OMG soooo hart r3nching and TEH ANGST!!!1one!!1 and reel ryterz alwayz sez stuffz lyke that wen they k1ll of charriez!!!1!eleventyone!!
*achem*
Anyway, the actual chapter begins with a timestamp and then a whole paragraph whose entire purpose is to tell us in no vague terms exactly what Sue's situation is, how she looks (three guesses), and about her bonus Sue friend. And I don't mean this in a "It's really obvious, badly-handled exposition" way, but rather in a "The writer actually sat there and typed out a paragraph explaining these things to us with no pretense of narrative" way. After this, there's one of those nice little headers, that I love so much, informing us that what follows is from Jack's point of view. Then, we what have is a ship meeting up with the Black Pearl in order to deliver an invitation to Will and Elizabeth's wedding. Because...the British Royal Navy has nothing better to do than play messenger. Anyway, improbably, Elizabeth has convinced her father to temporarily pardon Jack and his crew, so that Jack can attend and be the best man. Oh and Anamaria is a bridesmaid...just so that there can be some time spent on the unamusing concept of about Anamaria being angry about having to wear a dress. Then there are more author's notes that go on forever. In these author's note she elaborates on how sad the prologue was but how it was necessary because her muses told her that it would catch the readers' attention and hold onto it. Her muses are liars. She does, however, agree to take a suggestion from a reviewer: that Sue be initially scared of Jack since he's often drunk and her murderous stepfather was a drunk. Which, actually puts more thought into this sort of thing that most Suethors do. Though, I suppose any possible points should go to the reviewer.
Then, the final chapter so far is as such: Will and Elizabeth have a stupid conversation about whether or not Will is really a eunuch, Jack arrives in Port Royal, and there's much talk and whining about he and Anamaria having to dress up.
NOTES: The entire story is bolded. People, HTML is not. that. fucking. hard. End tags are your friend. Damn it all, FF.net's preview option is your friend. Am I the only one who knows how to use it?
Of course, there's also the chance that this formatting was deliberate. The implications of which I'm not ready to ponder.
EXCERPT:
I included the author's notes...because I do believe they're as long as the 'relevant' points of this chapter.
Author's note: Hello everybody...well, this is my first story...please, be gentle? For now, no flames, but constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms...Trust me, I'll need constructive criticism...My muses, who at the moment are nameless, due to the fact that they haven't yet introduced themselves to me yet...they just kinda popped up out of no where last night at about oh say midnight, 1 am in the morning...fun... oh and you'll notice lieutenant is spelled funky, it's the British way back in the 17th century, Lievtenant... So Anyhoo Next up....
DISCLAIMER: I, Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows, Do not, have not, nor ever will, own POTC, Mickey: I'll need you to state the full name of the movie please. Me: Fine. do I need to start over? Mickey: Yes. Me: Fine! I, Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows, Do not, Have not, nor ever will, own Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black pearl, Which includes but is not limited to...(takes a deep breath) the film itself, the actors, the extras, the locations, the ships, the Black Pearl, Interceptor, the Dauntless, Annamaria's boat, Port Royale, and Isla de muertos. Further more I do not own Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Governor Swann, Commodore Norrington and his men, or any other character I happen to have left out. (Turns to Mickey) Satisfied? Mickey: Yes. Me: Good, now on to the Claimer...
Claimer: I do claim to own the character of Kendra Steelheart, Kendra's mom and my muses claim her stepfather...Oh and any other random characters I throw in, are mine, and my muses. OK! Enough of my babbling, ON WITH THE STORY!
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Prologue: Death and Drunken memories...
10 yr old Kendra Steelheart lie wake in bed listening to her stepfather yelling at her mother in a drunken anger. Kendra wasn't listening to the words; they didn't matter. What mattered was that her stepfather has been beating her mother and her for the last 7 years, Ever since her mother married her stepfather when Kendra was 3. Her real dad, a Lievtenant in the His Majesties Royal Navy, died in a sea battle. Kendra stayed in bed knowing not to interfere or get beat herself. Kendra began to sing softly, a old Caribbean folk song her mother would sing to her...
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
Marianne, Oh, Marianne Oh Won't you marry me? We can have a bamboo hut And brandy in the tea Leave your fat old mama home She never will say yes If mama don't know now She can guess
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
When she walks along the shore People pause to greet White birds fly around her Little fish come to her feet In her heart is love But I'm the only mortal man Who's allowed to kiss My Marianne
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
When we marry, we will have A time you never saw I will be so happy I will kiss my mother-in-law Children by the dozen In and out the bamboo hut One for every palm tree and coconut
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Wow...that was a whole lot of padding.
Just as Kendra finished the song, she heard a gun shot from down stairs. She rushed to the banister at the top of the stairs to see her stepfather with a smoking gun in his hand, standing over her mother's dead body, lying on the cold floor, blood staining the bodice of her dress. Her stepfather looked up at Kendra with the same hate and anger in his eyes when he murdered her mother. Any normal person would have screamed upon seeing a scene such as this, but Kendra learned long ago screaming did her no good, she only got beat worse. So instead, Kendra ran to her bedroom and slipped on her most simple summer dress, which did not require a corset or to be tied up in the back. She could hear his footsteps charging up the grand stair case. Kendra was lucky it was a long stair case and that he was drunk, otherwise, she would be dead. Kendra quickly threw open her balcony doors and climbed down the lattice stuck to the side of the mansion. Once her feet hit the ground she ran and never looking back at the estate she once called home. She knew, now, that she was free from her stepfather's rage, but now, she was without a home, or family. So...not going to find some sort of authorities or anything? She resigned herself to live on the streets and beg or steal what she needed to survive..... So definitely no reporting of the murder of your mother? All right then. Just checking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok well, that's the Prologue. Next up, Chapter 1, which will feature Capt. Jack Sparrow, I'll probably post the chapter today, but Reviews are welcomed before I get chapter 1 up. Reviewing will make me write faster I promise. And I will have a special treat for my first reviewer! So Click that little blue button and review, review, review! Is it just my monitor or my eyes or is that "little blue button" always being referred to actually sort of lavender?
Take what you can... Give Nothin' Back!
Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows
The First:
TITLE: An Improbable Meeting Indeed.
CULPRIT: Mrs Capt Jack Sparrows At first I thought that I'd reported this person before, but, no. She's just one of Jack's many wives.
SUMMARY: "Kendra Steelheart, 20 yrs old, has been living on the streets for 10 yrs. Everything is dull & boring until she tries to pick pocket a certain pirate captain. PG-13 for minor violence, may change in the future,I don't know blame my muses if it does"
BEST LINE: "Elizabeth nearly had to drag Annamaria up the stairs to her bedroom, Anna mimicking Jack's sentiments only more vulgar language" Dirty! I'm easily amused today.
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank, bitch.
NAME: Kendra Steelheart
EYES: not described
HAIR: "shoulder length honey blonde hair (though it looks more dirty blonde due to the dirt and grime)"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "Even though Kendra is now poor, a bit (meaning a lot) grimy, her dress covered in dust, and her hair matted, she still has her mother's beauty all the same" "She stands at about 5'7," "She is very skinny, partly due to heredity, partly due to the lack of food. She has a very hour glass figure even though she's tiny. Because of her looks, people take pity on her, which is fine with her, she can usually get a bit more out of them that way."
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Some chick whose biological father was a navy man (killed at sea) and whose stepfather murdered her mother. She lived on the streets from the age of ten being a beggar/pickpocket/etc.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: None so far. But you can take a wild stab in the dark.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: "the fine art of begging, pick pocketing and stealing whatever necessary to survive"
Bonus Sue
Kat- Age: 19. Sue's "one friend in this world." "stands at about 5'3" and is also very skinny, though she doesn't have Kendra's hourglass frame or looks but is pretty in her own right. Her dress is also very dirty, and she also has shoulder length matted hair and it is dirty blonde."
THE "PLOT": So, there's this Sue. She has an evil stepdaddy. He murders her mother. Sue runs off into the night and immediately decides that she must live on the streets and fend for herself. You know...instead of alerting some sort of authority to the fact that her mother has been murdered. I know it's the late 16th/early 17th century, but there was law enforcement. Anyway, within the amazingly short chapter there's also a really long and unnecessary song and many, many pointless and obnoxious author's notes.
Next chapter, The author makes us endure even more author's notes in order to explain how she almost cried when she had Sue's stepfather kill Sue's mother. Because, you know, that was lyke OMG soooo hart r3nching and TEH ANGST!!!1one!!1 and reel ryterz alwayz sez stuffz lyke that wen they k1ll of charriez!!!1!eleventyone!!
*achem*
Anyway, the actual chapter begins with a timestamp and then a whole paragraph whose entire purpose is to tell us in no vague terms exactly what Sue's situation is, how she looks (three guesses), and about her bonus Sue friend. And I don't mean this in a "It's really obvious, badly-handled exposition" way, but rather in a "The writer actually sat there and typed out a paragraph explaining these things to us with no pretense of narrative" way. After this, there's one of those nice little headers, that I love so much, informing us that what follows is from Jack's point of view. Then, we what have is a ship meeting up with the Black Pearl in order to deliver an invitation to Will and Elizabeth's wedding. Because...the British Royal Navy has nothing better to do than play messenger. Anyway, improbably, Elizabeth has convinced her father to temporarily pardon Jack and his crew, so that Jack can attend and be the best man. Oh and Anamaria is a bridesmaid...just so that there can be some time spent on the unamusing concept of about Anamaria being angry about having to wear a dress. Then there are more author's notes that go on forever. In these author's note she elaborates on how sad the prologue was but how it was necessary because her muses told her that it would catch the readers' attention and hold onto it. Her muses are liars. She does, however, agree to take a suggestion from a reviewer: that Sue be initially scared of Jack since he's often drunk and her murderous stepfather was a drunk. Which, actually puts more thought into this sort of thing that most Suethors do. Though, I suppose any possible points should go to the reviewer.
Then, the final chapter so far is as such: Will and Elizabeth have a stupid conversation about whether or not Will is really a eunuch, Jack arrives in Port Royal, and there's much talk and whining about he and Anamaria having to dress up.
NOTES: The entire story is bolded. People, HTML is not. that. fucking. hard. End tags are your friend. Damn it all, FF.net's preview option is your friend. Am I the only one who knows how to use it?
Of course, there's also the chance that this formatting was deliberate. The implications of which I'm not ready to ponder.
EXCERPT:
I included the author's notes...because I do believe they're as long as the 'relevant' points of this chapter.
Author's note: Hello everybody...well, this is my first story...please, be gentle? For now, no flames, but constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms...Trust me, I'll need constructive criticism...My muses, who at the moment are nameless, due to the fact that they haven't yet introduced themselves to me yet...they just kinda popped up out of no where last night at about oh say midnight, 1 am in the morning...fun... oh and you'll notice lieutenant is spelled funky, it's the British way back in the 17th century, Lievtenant... So Anyhoo Next up....
DISCLAIMER: I, Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows, Do not, have not, nor ever will, own POTC, Mickey: I'll need you to state the full name of the movie please. Me: Fine. do I need to start over? Mickey: Yes. Me: Fine! I, Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows, Do not, Have not, nor ever will, own Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black pearl, Which includes but is not limited to...(takes a deep breath) the film itself, the actors, the extras, the locations, the ships, the Black Pearl, Interceptor, the Dauntless, Annamaria's boat, Port Royale, and Isla de muertos. Further more I do not own Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Governor Swann, Commodore Norrington and his men, or any other character I happen to have left out. (Turns to Mickey) Satisfied? Mickey: Yes. Me: Good, now on to the Claimer...
Claimer: I do claim to own the character of Kendra Steelheart, Kendra's mom and my muses claim her stepfather...Oh and any other random characters I throw in, are mine, and my muses. OK! Enough of my babbling, ON WITH THE STORY!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prologue: Death and Drunken memories...
10 yr old Kendra Steelheart lie wake in bed listening to her stepfather yelling at her mother in a drunken anger. Kendra wasn't listening to the words; they didn't matter. What mattered was that her stepfather has been beating her mother and her for the last 7 years, Ever since her mother married her stepfather when Kendra was 3. Her real dad, a Lievtenant in the His Majesties Royal Navy, died in a sea battle. Kendra stayed in bed knowing not to interfere or get beat herself. Kendra began to sing softly, a old Caribbean folk song her mother would sing to her...
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
Marianne, Oh, Marianne Oh Won't you marry me? We can have a bamboo hut And brandy in the tea Leave your fat old mama home She never will say yes If mama don't know now She can guess
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
When she walks along the shore People pause to greet White birds fly around her Little fish come to her feet In her heart is love But I'm the only mortal man Who's allowed to kiss My Marianne
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand
When we marry, we will have A time you never saw I will be so happy I will kiss my mother-in-law Children by the dozen In and out the bamboo hut One for every palm tree and coconut
All day, all night, Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Even little children love Marianne Down by the seaside siftin' sand Wow...that was a whole lot of padding.
Just as Kendra finished the song, she heard a gun shot from down stairs. She rushed to the banister at the top of the stairs to see her stepfather with a smoking gun in his hand, standing over her mother's dead body, lying on the cold floor, blood staining the bodice of her dress. Her stepfather looked up at Kendra with the same hate and anger in his eyes when he murdered her mother. Any normal person would have screamed upon seeing a scene such as this, but Kendra learned long ago screaming did her no good, she only got beat worse. So instead, Kendra ran to her bedroom and slipped on her most simple summer dress, which did not require a corset or to be tied up in the back. She could hear his footsteps charging up the grand stair case. Kendra was lucky it was a long stair case and that he was drunk, otherwise, she would be dead. Kendra quickly threw open her balcony doors and climbed down the lattice stuck to the side of the mansion. Once her feet hit the ground she ran and never looking back at the estate she once called home. She knew, now, that she was free from her stepfather's rage, but now, she was without a home, or family. So...not going to find some sort of authorities or anything? She resigned herself to live on the streets and beg or steal what she needed to survive..... So definitely no reporting of the murder of your mother? All right then. Just checking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok well, that's the Prologue. Next up, Chapter 1, which will feature Capt. Jack Sparrow, I'll probably post the chapter today, but Reviews are welcomed before I get chapter 1 up. Reviewing will make me write faster I promise. And I will have a special treat for my first reviewer! So Click that little blue button and review, review, review! Is it just my monitor or my eyes or is that "little blue button" always being referred to actually sort of lavender?
Take what you can... Give Nothin' Back!
Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows