Josephine "Bonnie Jo" Hall
TITLE: Looking Past the Exterior
CULPRIT: Concetta
SUMMARY: " female pirate runs aground on Port Royal, Commodore Norrington jails her, when checks up on her to find her ill, he is filled with compassion and takes her under his care, owning that once she is well, she goes back to jail, but will he still stand by h"
BEST LINE: "You had two mishaps where one of the crew members almost discovered you when you forgot to bind your breast one morning." Really easy I know...but she's only got one?! Oh, and no matter what this quote may make it seem like this isn't actually a Mary-You. Don't be scared.
THE VERDICT
It's time for a keelhauling.
NAME: Josephine "Bonnie Jo" Hall
EYES: "beautiful" "As blue and deep as the Caribbean Sea . . . during a storm"
HAIR: "unkempt black hair"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A little boat and a cutlass.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: She's a pirate chick who left her crew and went out on her won, then ended up in Port Royal.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: She's Jack's sister. And she's probably going to be, get this...Commodore Norrington's one true love. Seriously. No joke.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": So, chickie's afloat in a boat. She's not feeling good. She exposits (to herself!) about how she was a lady pirate pretending to be a man (again) but set out on her own. Guess that's not going well. Her exposition is so boring that even she falls asleep and when she wakes up she's run aground. Which is why I suppose the chapter was called "Run Aground." Clever, eh? The next chapter is called "P for Pirate." I start to wonder if the author just got a new Speak and Say and is writing her story based on its prompts. Anyway, in said chapter, made slightly envious by the birth of Will and Elizabeth's first child, Commodore Norrington is angsting about how he may always be a bachelor even though he would totally have, like, no problem at all getting a girl, but whatever. He sees Sue's ship and like a good Commodore he takes some men and goes and investigates. He finds Sue and is, of course, struck by her beauty. But before he can fall into her eyes like the Caribbean sea and drown or something she wakes all the way up and decides to fight. This ends up with she and the Commodore in close physical contact. He apprehends the Sue, after having seen her newly healing pirate brand. One of his men slaps Sue and Commodore Norrington reprimands him harshly. Sue is impressed or something. A few days later Commodore Norrington can't get Sue off of his mind. He goes to check on her in jail and realizes that she's really sick. He whisks her out of the prison and rushes her off to his quarters to care for her...because as a Commodore he has nothing better to do than play nursemaid to someone chick who's headed for the gallows. He's all sweet and tender as he waits for the doctor to arrive. Once the doctor gets there there's another arrival as some Navy folks catch Jack and bring him to Norrington. What is Jack doing there, you ask? Why he's there to see Will and Elizabeth's daughter and once he was finished he just decided to take a stroll down the street in broad daylight or something. Anyway, Commodore Norrington takes this opportunity to ask Jack if he's ever heard of Sue, who is sick. Jack immediately wants to see Sue cuz she's his sister. There's a line about how if Commodore Norrington were the type to faint he would have fainted.
NOTES: Ok, all snark aside two things: 1) Someone has finally had the good taste to realize that Commodore James Norrington is TEH HAWT and not TEH 3BIL or just an extra guy to make the Sue seem desirable and 2) He's actually kind of, almost in character.
I'm in shock. Seriously, the fic isn't well-written but as Sues go it's really not that bad. I mean, the Sue still has her Sue-ish captivating abilities in order to cause Commodore Norrington to give her more than a passing thought and she just had to be Jack's sister...but still.
This isn't really all that vile.
EXCERPT:
Sue has an 'As you know, Bob' conversation...with herself. That's new.
Every part of her body ached in little shooting pinches of pain. My head often aches like that around the same time that I'm reporting stories like this. Hmm. I wonder if there's a connection? Her head swam with any sudden movement on her part or the sea lapping up against her little ship, rocking it slightly. As she weakly tried to keep her boat on course she admonished herself out loud, for she felt too miserable to care that it was not a usual thing to do and there was no one on her ship to hear her anyway. Plus, the author really needed to get this exposition in and couldn't think of any other way to do it.
“Stupid, stupid Josephine!” Damn straight. she called herself by her true name, which she abhorred, when she was mad at herself, much like her mother used to when she was alive. That's just weird, dude. “Why did you not stay with the crew you were a part of? You had lots of food, a bed, and sometimes-secure wages, under Captain O’Conner. Why did you have to follow the impulse to strike out on your own?” “Because,” her reason answered, “it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, strike out and eventually find your niche in the world, and besides, you knew that you had little time before the crew realized you were a woman. Why, this is so subtle that I don't even realize that I'm being force-fed exposition! How about you folks?
“You had two mishaps where one of the crew members almost discovered you when you forgot to bind your breast one morning. If she only has one then she has more problems than she's letting on. Or maybe she only ever bound one and told all of her crewmates that the other was some sort of weird growth. That snake of a man, Brutus already suspected something. You would have been ousted from the crew eventually, no matter what you would have tried t’ do in order for the charade to last a little longer.” Josephine sighed, “I know this, I know this. . .” I think this is the first time in history that a character has ever gotten exasperated with themself for expositing...to themself. Josephine soon began to drift in and out of sleep, the ship charting it’s own course under her lax command.
CULPRIT: Concetta
SUMMARY: " female pirate runs aground on Port Royal, Commodore Norrington jails her, when checks up on her to find her ill, he is filled with compassion and takes her under his care, owning that once she is well, she goes back to jail, but will he still stand by h"
BEST LINE: "You had two mishaps where one of the crew members almost discovered you when you forgot to bind your breast one morning." Really easy I know...but she's only got one?! Oh, and no matter what this quote may make it seem like this isn't actually a Mary-You. Don't be scared.
THE VERDICT
It's time for a keelhauling.
NAME: Josephine "Bonnie Jo" Hall
EYES: "beautiful" "As blue and deep as the Caribbean Sea . . . during a storm"
HAIR: "unkempt black hair"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A little boat and a cutlass.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: She's a pirate chick who left her crew and went out on her won, then ended up in Port Royal.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: She's Jack's sister. And she's probably going to be, get this...Commodore Norrington's one true love. Seriously. No joke.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": So, chickie's afloat in a boat. She's not feeling good. She exposits (to herself!) about how she was a lady pirate pretending to be a man (again) but set out on her own. Guess that's not going well. Her exposition is so boring that even she falls asleep and when she wakes up she's run aground. Which is why I suppose the chapter was called "Run Aground." Clever, eh? The next chapter is called "P for Pirate." I start to wonder if the author just got a new Speak and Say and is writing her story based on its prompts. Anyway, in said chapter, made slightly envious by the birth of Will and Elizabeth's first child, Commodore Norrington is angsting about how he may always be a bachelor even though he would totally have, like, no problem at all getting a girl, but whatever. He sees Sue's ship and like a good Commodore he takes some men and goes and investigates. He finds Sue and is, of course, struck by her beauty. But before he can fall into her eyes like the Caribbean sea and drown or something she wakes all the way up and decides to fight. This ends up with she and the Commodore in close physical contact. He apprehends the Sue, after having seen her newly healing pirate brand. One of his men slaps Sue and Commodore Norrington reprimands him harshly. Sue is impressed or something. A few days later Commodore Norrington can't get Sue off of his mind. He goes to check on her in jail and realizes that she's really sick. He whisks her out of the prison and rushes her off to his quarters to care for her...because as a Commodore he has nothing better to do than play nursemaid to someone chick who's headed for the gallows. He's all sweet and tender as he waits for the doctor to arrive. Once the doctor gets there there's another arrival as some Navy folks catch Jack and bring him to Norrington. What is Jack doing there, you ask? Why he's there to see Will and Elizabeth's daughter and once he was finished he just decided to take a stroll down the street in broad daylight or something. Anyway, Commodore Norrington takes this opportunity to ask Jack if he's ever heard of Sue, who is sick. Jack immediately wants to see Sue cuz she's his sister. There's a line about how if Commodore Norrington were the type to faint he would have fainted.
NOTES: Ok, all snark aside two things: 1) Someone has finally had the good taste to realize that Commodore James Norrington is TEH HAWT and not TEH 3BIL or just an extra guy to make the Sue seem desirable and 2) He's actually kind of, almost in character.
I'm in shock. Seriously, the fic isn't well-written but as Sues go it's really not that bad. I mean, the Sue still has her Sue-ish captivating abilities in order to cause Commodore Norrington to give her more than a passing thought and she just had to be Jack's sister...but still.
This isn't really all that vile.
EXCERPT:
Sue has an 'As you know, Bob' conversation...with herself. That's new.
Every part of her body ached in little shooting pinches of pain. My head often aches like that around the same time that I'm reporting stories like this. Hmm. I wonder if there's a connection? Her head swam with any sudden movement on her part or the sea lapping up against her little ship, rocking it slightly. As she weakly tried to keep her boat on course she admonished herself out loud, for she felt too miserable to care that it was not a usual thing to do and there was no one on her ship to hear her anyway. Plus, the author really needed to get this exposition in and couldn't think of any other way to do it.
“Stupid, stupid Josephine!” Damn straight. she called herself by her true name, which she abhorred, when she was mad at herself, much like her mother used to when she was alive. That's just weird, dude. “Why did you not stay with the crew you were a part of? You had lots of food, a bed, and sometimes-secure wages, under Captain O’Conner. Why did you have to follow the impulse to strike out on your own?” “Because,” her reason answered, “it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, strike out and eventually find your niche in the world, and besides, you knew that you had little time before the crew realized you were a woman. Why, this is so subtle that I don't even realize that I'm being force-fed exposition! How about you folks?
“You had two mishaps where one of the crew members almost discovered you when you forgot to bind your breast one morning. If she only has one then she has more problems than she's letting on. Or maybe she only ever bound one and told all of her crewmates that the other was some sort of weird growth. That snake of a man, Brutus already suspected something. You would have been ousted from the crew eventually, no matter what you would have tried t’ do in order for the charade to last a little longer.” Josephine sighed, “I know this, I know this. . .” I think this is the first time in history that a character has ever gotten exasperated with themself for expositing...to themself. Josephine soon began to drift in and out of sleep, the ship charting it’s own course under her lax command.