Jugemental Thumb: Final for GARF 2006
La Fiesta
Just like the swallows that return yearly to Capistrano, or the monarch butterflies that retreat instinctively to their place of birth, so to do the hippies return once a year to La Fiesta. They swim upstream for days, exhausting themselves in their heroic efforts until they finally find themselves back their traditional spawning pools only to mate and die of exhaustion, just as their parents did, and their parents before them. Or something like that. No matter, the point is that La Fiesta provides a unique safe haven for all who would get as far away from the middle ages as possible. The giant outdoor patio offers a delightful place to either eat out in the cool evening air or participate in the nightly hippie revelries. While you’re there, make sure to witness the amazing mating rituals that take place on the grounds. It’s an experience not to be missed! Also not to be overlooked is the cheerful staff of La Fiesta, who collectively boast a tolerance level one usually associates with special-ed teachers dealing with the mildly retarded. This analogy might not be all that much of a stretch when one considers some of the antics that go down on a very consistent basis. Actually on second thought, make that severely retarded. We of the Judgmental Thumb are vaguely surprised that anyone has yet to die is any of those crazy post-midnight shenanigans. We at the JT give La Fiesta a festive Thumbs Up! Way to go, La Fiesta! The food may be slow in coming, but at least they don’t call the cops on us very often!
Downtown Fairburn
Most of us have had the pleasure of eating at OZ pizza, but did you know that the quaint little downtown strip of Fairburn has an exciting array of other options to delight and entertain? Most likely not, and the staff of the JT highly recommends you check it out. We here at the JT had a rare chance to be in Fairburn on a non-festival day, and after an unusually quiet meal at OZ, We took an hour to stroll down the street and explore. Turns out that downtown Fairburn shuts down around 4:30pm. Or at least, so it would seem as almost every shop (which is inevitably an “antique” store) had a closed sign in the window. Not to be deterred, We did eventually find one that was open. Inside, We interviewed the proprietor. The following is a rough transcript of that conversation:
JT: This is a cool book. We’ll buy this book.
Store Owner: Huh. You’re lucky. Some lady who works at the Renaissance Festival was in here and almost bought that yesterday.
JT: Wow…it would seem We are indeed lucky. So…have you been to the Renaissance Festival?
Store Owner: Oh, naw. I don’t drive much. Ain’t it up in Calhoun?
Needless to say, We were impressed with the local citizenry. On top of this, We also perused the wares of the local pawn shop, which is apparently a great place to go for all your wedding ring/X-box/sword needs. A quaint slightly out-of-touch Thumbs Up to you, Downtown Fairburn! You’ve got the sort of pizzazz that keeps the kids coming back!
Parade
During any given day, the hottest point will generally fall between one and three o’clock. Parade has been cleverly positioned to take advantage of this prime time slot, when folk with less backbone might be cowardly hiding in the shade. Clever also is the use of crafters and a giant horse cart to disguise the fact that there are five characters participating in the parade itself. While We at the JT appreciate the thought that has gone into its creation, there are a few things about the festival’s Parade that don’t quite meet our Conditions of Excellence (COEs). First and foremost, there are a few meters of ground that the Parade could easily cover by simply backtracking a bit, and yet it does not. We are unsure why the areas around King’s Hall and Halfwit Harbor stage are left unscarred by the Parade’s passing. Not only that, but there are a few painful spots on the Parade route that accidentally pass under shade! Nothing puts an actor off his/her game like shady respite from the devil sun. Keeping these things in mind, the JT would make the following simple suggestions to make a great thing even better: First, cut down all the trees. That would take care of two problems…(A) shady spots slowing down your actors and (B) it would allow for more areas to be accessed via horse cart, so that a wider range of the town could be transversed. Since the clear prime intent of the Parade is the misery of its participants, it would also behoove the staff to dictate the start of the Parade with a thermometer rather than a watch. This way one could always ensure that the Parade take place at the exact hottest moment of the day, rather than just hazarding a guess as is currently done. Nothing gets Our goat like a job done inefficiently! Don’t fret, Parade! We’re giving you a Thumbs-Down for now, but if you follow these simple suggestions, you’ll be back on your hot, sweaty feet in no time!
GARF 2006
It’s been another exciting year here at the Georgia Renaissance Festival. We here at the Judgmental Thumb would like to commend all the new cast members that have really stepped up to the plate and knocked it out. Truly, most of you have all added and incredible amount of positive work and energy. There have been some downs this year, but far more ups in general We feel. So We at the JT would like to give a giant year-ending Thumbs Up to the entire cast, and to this year as a whole. The exception of course comes in the form of a Miss Dani, who consistently refused to play with other characters on site, was busted more than once for drinking on the job, and more often than not could be found sleeping in the entertainment trailer during the hottest parts of the day. This, of course, gets a record-shattering Thumbs-Down. Everything else however, gets a ridiculously all-inclusive Thumbs-Up. We at the JT salute you all, and look forward to reviewing the Cast Party in the upcoming months.