all doubts can be broken / if you keep the heart open

[tofanthefire]

WHO: Big!Aang and Little!Aang
WHAT: Big!Aang has decided that he'd like to learn to be a proper Avatar.
WHERE: The park! With fruit pie!
WHEN: Early Friday afternoon.
WARNINGS: Double Airbender Goodness!

Comments

[forgetspants]

With some of the money Aang had been given when he arrived here, he bought some new clothes. Katara and him still needed to go shopping at Laura's store together, but he needed some new clothes until then. People gave him wary looks whenever they saw his clothes and his tattoos. By now, he had a light layer of fuzz on his head. His tattoos were still visible, but it was a start. When he arrived at the park in his new clothes, he didn't draw nearly as much attention as he normally did.

He was starting to find his way around the city better, now that he had been hired at the paper route. The person who hired him had her doubts at first, but his enthusiasm and sincerity had been infectious. She decided to give him a chance and see how things went. Thanks to the new routes he had learned, he was able to find his way to the meeting spot in good times. When he spotted the older version of himself, he jogged over to him.

"I'm glad you gave what we talked about serious thought."

He smiled at him and bowed respectfully as well. Then he looked up and made a 'huh' expression. So, this is what he was going to look like when he was older.

"I know we've already seen each other over the phones, but in person like this is just...wow."

[tofanthefire]

"It IS rather surreal, isn't it?" Aang replied with a sheepish smile, gesturing to the blanket for them both to have a seat.

"You're growing your hair." he observed, smiling a little. His own modern wardrobe still drew a lot of stares. He'd bought everything light and relaxed that he could find in a second hand shop and it showed. Between that and the long hair and elaborate tattoos people pretty much had him decided as a weird hippie on first glance...

He smoothed a hand over his topknotted hair. "How odd when I've been thinking of cutting mine."

[forgetspants]

"It is! What are we going to call each other? We need to come up with nicknames."

Calling each other Aang would lead to some confusion. Maybe he could refer to his older self as Big A. Or ask Toph, she was good at coming up with nicknames. Then again, the nicknames weren't always the kindest names.

"Yeah, Katara told me about all of the terrible things that happen to people when its discovered that they have powers. I don't want to, having hair feels weird and my tattoos are really important to me, but Katara feels pretty strongly about it. I don't want to get someone hurt because of it."

He ran a hand through his fuzzy hair and made a face. Right now it looked like he had recently gotten a buzz cut. He blinked, looking surprised, and looked up at his older self. "You are?"

[tofanthefire]

"It just seems appropriate to change my appearance as I change my path." he said with a slow heavy sigh. "I can hardly wear my hair this way with pride and be plotting teason now can I?"

There's a reluctance in his tone, but it's underscored by grief and determination much more strongly. His decision is an unpleasant one but it's the only 'right' choice he feels he can make, knowing what he now knows.

[forgetspants]

"I don't think it's treason."

The situation was very similar to what happened with Zuko. He ended up cutting off his knot tail for awhile, then he grew it back once he was done redeeming himself. Aang had a different take on it. Maybe his reasoning was wrong but he decided to share anyways.

"I think what Fire Lord Ozai is doing is treason. Firebending is all about life and energy. It comes from the dragons and feels like the sun. He's turned it into destruction and rage. If anyone should be cutting off their hair, it should be him. You should keep your hair as it is, and represent what the Fire Nation should be like."

[tofanthefire]

Aang shifted uncomfortably, squeezing a bit of hair in one fist before dropping both hands into his lap.

"So many people have suffered for my selfishness Avatar. I have no means to offer them an apology. No words of regret could suffice for their homes and their families...."

He presses his hands together, wringing them, breathing a mock of calming meditation, in and out in slow rythym but shaky on each draw. His speech is tight and formal because strich formality has so long been the only appropriate outlet for his grief and fear.

"I have considered my father to be invincible. At home no one else but Toph ever believed that I could rise to fight him and when he ended her life so flippantly for the sin of my defiance it crushed my faith in her hopes. All I knew in that moment, all that I retained, was that when I stood against him everything I knew and loved would burn and die."

He close his eyes a moment, voice thick with shame and misery.

"But a thousand other lives, that I will never have the chance now to know or love, have been snuffed out while I slept unbothered in my bed. Husbands mourned their murdered wives while I held my own. Villages starved and suffered while I ate my breakfast every single day."

"My excuses then were weak, and here they are far weaker. I've run from what I must do for so many years that I thought until I met you that I could never return to the path of becoming the Avatar without failure waiting for me."

His hands clenched against each other knuckles white.

"But I have to ask you to do something for me. Ozai may become my enemy but he is still..." he stumbled to a stop, choking on the admission.

"I still care for him, as miserable and illogical as that is. Please promise me that you can show me how to defeat him without taking his life. It's more than principle to me. He's my father. I just... couldn't do it."

[forgetspants]

Wow, that was a lot to take in. Aang listened to everything that was being said. His face went through several transformation. There were times he looked sympathetic, there were other times he looked shocked and upset. It might not be his world, but he hated -anyone- having to go through something like that.

"That's not true. It's not true at all!"

Aang felt a tremor of emotion run through him as he listened to his older self tell him that there was nothing he could do. He held in the rest of his thoughts and emotions and let the other Aang finish talking. He couldn't help but wonder if when his temple was attacked, if people cried out for him. Begged and hoped that the Avatar would show them. Guilt started to clutch around his heart and his feelings, but before the grip became too tight, he heard Katara's voice. All of the inspiring and encouraging words she had given him.

"Being the Avatar isn't easy. I think everyone else assumes that when you become the Avatar, all of this confidence and know how comes with it. Like you automatic know how to fix everything. It's never been true for me. I've had to make a lot of mistakes before I learned what it was I needed to do. Even now, I'm going to make mistakes."

The Avatar was a powerful being, but he or she was flawed like everyone else.

"All of the airbenders are gone and that's always going to be there in the back of my mind, but I was able to save a lot of people. People have died in your world, but you can save everyone else. That will be your way of saying sorry and honoring those who have died. I'll help you do it, I'll teach you how to enter the Avatar state. And how to energybend, so you can stop your father."

[tofanthefire]

The breath Aang draws is tremulous but he's calmer once he breathes out again. This reassurance can't take away his fear completely, but knowing that he will have another Avatar, a version of himself who did things right - sooner or later - eases his mind more than he can voice.

This is not where he wishes he was, but it is a foothold, the first step up.

"Thank you, Avatar." his formality is inescapable when he feels so overwrought so the words are underscored with a formal kneeling bow, his forehead almost on the ground. "I promise you my best effort and that I will not misuse your good faith."

[forgetspants]

"Thanks." He smiled at him brightly. His friends would probably think he was being foolish for trusting someone who intimate with the Fire Nation, but he sensed sincerity in everything his older self said. Maybe he was too naive and trusting at times, but he always thought it was better to give a person the benefit of the doubt than doubt them at every turn.

"Don't feel discouraged if you have trouble at first or even for a long time. There were things that came easily to me and things that took a lot of work. Sometimes I'd get really frustrated, which I think is okay. Everyone gets upset, we just have to make sure it doesn't stop us from doing what we have to do."

[tofanthefire]

"My bending has never been easy." Aang admitted as he settled back to sit cross legged on the blanket again. "Katara told me that I should have begun with water, and that fire was difficult because it should have been last. I've managed obviously but I'm told my style is unconventional."

He eased back and took a slow breath in, then let it out in a rush, springing fire from the upturned palms of his hands. The flames were small but burned with an intense strength, barely something that could be called meditative.

"It takes so much effort just for a small flame. I've never known it to flow easily. My Earthbending was only a little less difficult to learn"

[forgetspants]

"Fire's what I learned last, Katara's right. Well, actually, I think you should start with airbending. That's what I learned first and it's an important part of who we are."

His other self may have grown up in a different place entirely, but he was still an air nomad. Aang hoped that if the other Avatar learned more about airbending, he could learn more about himself. He glanced around to make sure that no one was watching them. The area they were in was vacant for the most part. Occasionally some people would drift by, but they didn't linger long.

"Fire's about finding the energy inside of us, what makes us alive. Zuko and I learned this technique that helped us. It's called the Dancing Dragon."

Aang began to demonstrate the intricate movements of the dance. When he kicked and punched, he released blasts of fire which shot into the air and then faded away.

"Zuko became much more powerful because he used his desire to change over his rage to fuel his firebending."