Manipulative?
so today and yesterday and monday were quite the amount of crappy.
i dont know..i've just been depressed alot lately..not sure why though..i hate that i hate feeling so vunerable and crappy and knowing that i cant do anything about it..sure people say i can but they dont know how i feel..only i do and i know that i just have to wait this out..its just what happens because i have stupid depression.
anyway..i got off topic there for a second..
Monday danny's dad died =( i wasnt close to him so i dont know exactly what to think..but danny's been really sad and that sucks because hes usually so happy and fun..but now he's sad and just..different..
School was sucky monday too. i really didnt want to be there.
yesterday school was yet again sucky..i called my from from the hallway by the window where i get service and told her how miserable i was. but there was nothing she could do about it so what was the point..
today school was horrible. i just wanted to get out of there. i was in spanish having a friggin conniption..and i wanted to cut. so so bad..but i didnt have my blade..which helped, because i knew i would've regretted it later..but still..i was having a conniption. i felt like everyone was staring at me and i was just there. like a deer in headlights..it was quite sad hehe. oh and the fact that my friend called me a bitch and said that im manipulative didnt exactly help. i called mom from the office because there was susposed to be a wake today but i guess not..tomorrows the funeral..but i have to stay here and watch my two cousins..so thank god..i dont have to goto school.
Friday im not going either..we have to goto DC and stay with my moms cousins so we can goto Baltimore for my Aunt Audie's baby shower..friday i have to go shopping for an outfit because i of course have to look nice. pfft eff that..that makes me want to wear a safety pin through my eyebrow and bondage straps on my pants. lol..now that would be fun! im getting my hair done as well..of course not the way i want to because my mother wont let me dye my hair not-blonde. i hate the blondness..i want dark redish auburn w00t w00t! lol
i complain alot..but i can..im 15 and i have depression and im going through a hard time. so im allowed =) heh.
anyway..i have to go clean because we're practically running a friggin hotel here. i dont even get to sleep in my own room. WOOOOO. this house makes me want to shoot myself =) so yeah...later.