May 2, 2010
Day 729.
Heyah Sam.
It all leads down the same path eventually. 'Cause I don't care how proud a man you are, when they come at you, you will cry like a girl. To blank out just invites this new kind of emptiness that's far from bein' a good thing. It's like a black hole. It's just begging to be filled with I don't even know what. If I keep thinkin' of the past this way, they keep telling me that it "increases the pain exponentially and thereby shortens your tolerance considerably". Whatever. But. Yeah.
I've tried both ways now. They're right. Thinking and feeling less makes me more impervious to whatever method they're using. I have a feeling that's gonna backfire, though. They might take this to a whole new level of Pinheadedness. Some new tactic to reach new heights with my There's a few regulars who are looking forward to it more than others.
I always knew Ruby was a devious little slut. I wish there was some way to prove what she did, but there's no telling. I remember that Dad's not here, but you, Sam. I don't know. She never says anymore, lets everyone else do the talking. There's one - name's AllStairsAndNoDepth - he likes to tell me about his past and all his great scientific advancements in his area of expertise, how rare and unusual and misunderstood it is, and how no one truly appreciates what he's done and to be honest, Sammy, I start to get confused sometimes who he's talkin' about. He never says you're here, but he talks about "when he gets" you and I can't. I don't wanna know what that means.
With each method I thwart -- the more I overcome -- the closer I get to walking out that door -- it hits me that there is no winning this. Building up resistance is only used against me. For their advantage. For their amusement. When they smile and tell me I'll understand soon? It's friggin' creepy. I want to keep writing these just so I can imagine you telling me it's all not true because that's the only way I'd believe it.
-Me
Heyah Sam.
It all leads down the same path eventually. 'Cause I don't care how proud a man you are, when they come at you, you will cry like a girl. To blank out just invites this new kind of emptiness that's far from bein' a good thing. It's like a black hole. It's just begging to be filled with I don't even know what. If I keep thinkin' of the past this way, they keep telling me that it "increases the pain exponentially and thereby shortens your tolerance considerably". Whatever. But. Yeah.
I've tried both ways now. They're right. Thinking and feeling less makes me more impervious to whatever method they're using. I have a feeling that's gonna backfire, though. They might take this to a whole new level of Pinheadedness. Some new tactic to reach new heights with my There's a few regulars who are looking forward to it more than others.
I always knew Ruby was a devious little slut. I wish there was some way to prove what she did, but there's no telling. I remember that Dad's not here, but you, Sam. I don't know. She never says anymore, lets everyone else do the talking. There's one - name's AllStairsAndNoDepth - he likes to tell me about his past and all his great scientific advancements in his area of expertise, how rare and unusual and misunderstood it is, and how no one truly appreciates what he's done and to be honest, Sammy, I start to get confused sometimes who he's talkin' about. He never says you're here, but he talks about "when he gets" you and I can't. I don't wanna know what that means.
With each method I thwart -- the more I overcome -- the closer I get to walking out that door -- it hits me that there is no winning this. Building up resistance is only used against me. For their advantage. For their amusement. When they smile and tell me I'll understand soon? It's friggin' creepy. I want to keep writing these just so I can imagine you telling me it's all not true because that's the only way I'd believe it.
-Me