LJ Idol Week 9, in wh...**LOADING** [404 SUBJECT LINE NOT FOUND]
Ah, for the days of the simple "404 Webpage not found" error message. But no more! Or more accurately - it's just not that simple anymore. Behold the wonders of today's Information Superhighway, where half the people drive like grandmas, half the people drive with two lead feet, and everyone drives like the whole thing's some cracked out hybrid of Super Mario Kart and Simpsons Road Rage, complete with projectiles, cheat codes, and a heaping helping of bonus points for anyone who's able to run their opponents into a ditch.
I therefore propose a series of new error messages to meet the needs of today's social media using netizen.
For example! Stuff like this:
Applicable to the every day human errors, awkward situations, and *HEADDESK* and *FACEPALM* moments we all experience! Or laugh at other people for experiencing. Or deny experiencing in the first place. You know, like this:
FACT CHECK ERROR
POST CONTAINS FACTUAL ERRORS ON LINES 1 - 100
() Debug using Snopes
() Post it anyway
() I did it on purpose trollolololol
() NO IT DOES NOT YOU DIRTY ILLUMINATI CONSPIRATOR
But that's just the start! Imagine a world where we can ask Clippy to help us write our Tumblr posts.
You remember that little pain in the ass, right? Metallic spirit animal of Microsoft Word who'd pop up and annoy the shit out of you with things like "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A LETTER. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FREEZE THE COMPUTER AND GET IN YOUR WAY?"
Unleash him in today's world, and there's no limit to the help\damage he can dish out.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A POST ABOUT SOCIAL JUSTICE
What would you like to do?
() Attach the suffix "-ism" to every third word
() Incite a Twitter uprising
() Invent new pronouns
() Express feelings with My Little Pony and Steven Universe fan art
() Accuse this error message of Systematic oppression
And in the name of true equality...
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A POST AGAINST SOCIAL JUSTICE
What would you like to do?
() Blame a minority group for all my personal problems
() Dox somebody
() Quote the Bible out of context
() Inappropriately express frustration at my inability to get laid
() Announce I have a gay black disabled transgender Muslim friend so I can't really be a bigot
Or when even your error messages need error messages...
ERROR: YOUR SOCIAL JUSTICE POST CONTAINS LESS THAN 500 INSTANCES OF THE WORD 'PROBLEMATIC.'
EDIT POST?
() YES. This is problematic and I need to fix it.
() NO. The word "problematic" has become overrepresented and I need to give other, less privileged words a chance.
Naturally, Facebook will need some too. Just of a slightly...different nature. I don't want go go so far as to say "less evolved", but...well...
Actually, yes I do. Because stuff like THIS would be necessary:
WARNING: You are about to reblog clickbait
() Submit post and be SHOCKED at what happens next!
() Abort post and miss out on these TEN AMAZING COMMENTS!
() Turn off the computer, go outside, and get some fresh air.
...That last option would need to be greyed out, of course. And for all social media platforms under the sun, there's this one:
ERROR: You just posted something really stupid and you're about to get flamed.
() Backpedal like crazy
() Delete post
() Blame autocorrect
() Say you got hacked
() Other
Now if you all will please excuse me, I seem to have been hacked by some sort of program that spams ridiculous fake error messages into my web browser and posts them to Livejournal. ♥
[PTW's note - I'm kind of laughing and facepalming at the same time here, because Photoshop decided to get in on the 404 action too and take a swan dive while I was trying to put together graphics for this by crashing every two or three minutes. It was too perfectly hilarious a coincidence to NOT make note of, so please enjoy a good laugh at the expense of my suffering and be grateful that my glitchy, ancient-ass Windows 95 version of Photoshop installed on 64-bit Windows 7 was able to spare you all a giant-ass graphics post. Pfffffft.]
I therefore propose a series of new error messages to meet the needs of today's social media using netizen.
For example! Stuff like this:
Applicable to the every day human errors, awkward situations, and *HEADDESK* and *FACEPALM* moments we all experience! Or laugh at other people for experiencing. Or deny experiencing in the first place. You know, like this:
FACT CHECK ERROR
POST CONTAINS FACTUAL ERRORS ON LINES 1 - 100
() Debug using Snopes
() Post it anyway
() I did it on purpose trollolololol
() NO IT DOES NOT YOU DIRTY ILLUMINATI CONSPIRATOR
But that's just the start! Imagine a world where we can ask Clippy to help us write our Tumblr posts.
You remember that little pain in the ass, right? Metallic spirit animal of Microsoft Word who'd pop up and annoy the shit out of you with things like "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A LETTER. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FREEZE THE COMPUTER AND GET IN YOUR WAY?"
Unleash him in today's world, and there's no limit to the help\damage he can dish out.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A POST ABOUT SOCIAL JUSTICE
What would you like to do?
() Attach the suffix "-ism" to every third word
() Incite a Twitter uprising
() Invent new pronouns
() Express feelings with My Little Pony and Steven Universe fan art
() Accuse this error message of Systematic oppression
And in the name of true equality...
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A POST AGAINST SOCIAL JUSTICE
What would you like to do?
() Blame a minority group for all my personal problems
() Dox somebody
() Quote the Bible out of context
() Inappropriately express frustration at my inability to get laid
() Announce I have a gay black disabled transgender Muslim friend so I can't really be a bigot
Or when even your error messages need error messages...
ERROR: YOUR SOCIAL JUSTICE POST CONTAINS LESS THAN 500 INSTANCES OF THE WORD 'PROBLEMATIC.'
EDIT POST?
() YES. This is problematic and I need to fix it.
() NO. The word "problematic" has become overrepresented and I need to give other, less privileged words a chance.
Naturally, Facebook will need some too. Just of a slightly...different nature. I don't want go go so far as to say "less evolved", but...well...
Actually, yes I do. Because stuff like THIS would be necessary:
WARNING: You are about to reblog clickbait
() Submit post and be SHOCKED at what happens next!
() Abort post and miss out on these TEN AMAZING COMMENTS!
() Turn off the computer, go outside, and get some fresh air.
...That last option would need to be greyed out, of course. And for all social media platforms under the sun, there's this one:
ERROR: You just posted something really stupid and you're about to get flamed.
() Backpedal like crazy
() Delete post
() Blame autocorrect
() Say you got hacked
() Other
Now if you all will please excuse me, I seem to have been hacked by some sort of program that spams ridiculous fake error messages into my web browser and posts them to Livejournal. ♥
[PTW's note - I'm kind of laughing and facepalming at the same time here, because Photoshop decided to get in on the 404 action too and take a swan dive while I was trying to put together graphics for this by crashing every two or three minutes. It was too perfectly hilarious a coincidence to NOT make note of, so please enjoy a good laugh at the expense of my suffering and be grateful that my glitchy, ancient-ass Windows 95 version of Photoshop installed on 64-bit Windows 7 was able to spare you all a giant-ass graphics post. Pfffffft.]