(no subject)
so i have gone out every night this week and i am truly worn down, i would like to be social tonight but i dont want to go downtown and deal with the crowds. they found a dead guy in the lake right behind my back door at work, so i quit, the ceo called and convinced me to stay until thursday, and then he convinced me to stay for another couple of weeks. i am so gullible, all anyone has to say is please and i crumble. i got to talk to tim for a couple of seconds last night, he agreed that i was insane and that there was something inherently wrong with my ability to have a relationship. we shortly reminisced about the times we dated, i became convinced that i need to be slapped. the moment that i begin to feel anything for anyone i feel hurt, and i run, as fast as i can, i hurt anyone in my way. i try to be as mean as possible so i dont have to worry about running into them and feeling for them. i completely disconnect, but all i really want is to be completely connected to someone. my uncle wants to take me to a psychiatrist. i wont go.